Sure, You Can Help Me Find The Exit, Shitface
As I mentioned the other day, I’m going on a cruise. It’s a pretty fancy-pants kind of cruise as well, which is just fine by me. However, with the revelation of a “formal night” event during our trip, I have been forced to buckle down and do something that I’ve been putting off for about five years: buying a suit. The only thing I’ve owned with a relationship to a suit had the prefixes “swim” or “monkey” attached to them, and neither will go well with my partner’s outfit. And by “go well” I mean “not be seen as even remotely funny enough to allow me to have sexual relations again”. Hence my new quest to acquire a suit that doesn’t make me look like a complete ass.
Now don’t get me wrong, while I have wanted a nice suit for quite some time, I haven’t purchased one because a situation has never, ever arisen where I would even consider wearing the damned thing. Not only that, but I hate ties, I hate fancy shoes, and I certainly hate the discomfort of my shoulders being pinched by $400 worth of material. Therefore, you can see that I am unenthusiastic about spending what could be a nice piece of home theatre equipment on something that will sit in my closet until the next time that I feel like being uncomfortable-yet-stylish for a few hours.
With these feelings put on the backburner, I have decided to shop around a bit for the big purchase. Being the ass that I am, I like to go into these places and see what kind of treatment I garner while wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I personally have a problem with any place that treats me like I don’t belong simply because I’m wearing Vans, so I always test the waters by acting as high-and-mighty as possible while looking like your average construction worker, sans handlebar moustache. After my wanderings, let’s take a look at the results.
Stores visited: 6.
Suits purchased: 0
Every single time I walk into one of these places, they always look at me like I’m lost. This area is loaded with quirky dot-com millionaires, you’d think that if a guy walked up to the most expensive suits while looking slightly better than a hobo, he might be one of them. But in every single instance, I was hassled beyond belief and never asked if I wanted to try anything on. In fact, at the fucking Men’s Wearhouse the guy actually picked on me for browsing around in the “regulars” section when I am obviously a “long”. So sorry to offend you, let me leave your place of business and you can get back to peddling suits all day for 9 bucks an hour at a store sandwiched inbetween Target and a gas station.
Anyway, as I’m sure you can tell, I’m frustrated, and so are the 6 sales associates that I’ve verbally abused within the last three days (I think one was going to cry). I’m looking for some ideas of where to get a suit, not too expensive (as it will sit untouched in my closet for the next 5 years) and perhaps where sales associates don’t go looking for punches to the gullet region.
June 5th, 2003 at 4:53 pm
suitsIf you don't like ties buy a nice vest to go under the jacket. It's very very stylish and I think it's sexier then when my fiance is forced to wear a suit. The shoes can come out to be half the price to the same price as the suit. My suggestion...go to Target, Wal-mart, etc. Find a nice one time wear cheap imitation. Will cost you anywhere between 20-50 bucks and that's a hell of a lot cheaper then the 150 you can shell out for shoes you won't wear for another 1 or more.
Just make sure to shine them before wearing.Btw somehow your story reminded me of Pretty Woman when she goes to buy a dress for a nice dinner. hehehe
June 5th, 2003 at 5:35 pm
SuitsIf you don't mind the drive to Long Beach, go to Umberto's. It's on Bellflower off the 405. When I lived in Socal I bought two suits from there and both are still in excellent shape, with a lot of use. The sales staff was seemed nice, and the prices aren't that bad. I hate those chain suit places.
June 5th, 2003 at 6:06 pm
suitsI've found good deals on off-the-rack non-tailored sale suits at Bananna Republic. I've picked up a couple nice ones there, one was a really cool brown cord suit that everyone is always telling me how much they love. It was $70 for the jacket, $30 for the pants. Haven't checked for suits there lately.
June 5th, 2003 at 6:31 pm
SuitsWell, the closet thing we have in Idaho Falls *ahem* is a store called Ferrells, which is mostly missonary and pimpin suits. I went to Salt Lake City to Purchase my last one. Come on, now. The city that missons than the cheif on Inspector Gadget has to know something about suites. The store was called Mister Mister. I dunno if your area has any but the people that work there actually seem to give a fuck about you.
June 5th, 2003 at 6:55 pm
SuitsDid you stop by a Nordstroms? I'll go in there all scrubby looking (not that I have a choice!) and they always help me as if I'm about to drop 500+ dollars there. In fact, it's a pretty decent idea to find the hottest chick working there, and just ask her to help you pick out a suit. Nordstroms workers generally have a never say no attitude, and worst case, she'll just get you in touch with a non-sleazy sales guy in the right area.
June 5th, 2003 at 7:43 pm
Suit.Try the good will, or ebay.
June 5th, 2003 at 9:18 pm
Help on the Way!!!Bud, just mosey on down and rent one of those fine **Emsambles** and fell like a Million Bucks on a $2.50 budget. Tell your party guests on the BOAT that you found it in the Dumpster out back along with this Rolex........Altho a body was attached, he surely wont need it anymore.
June 6th, 2003 at 12:52 am
Dude...What you need is \"Shirt in a Can\".Seriously.
June 6th, 2003 at 12:58 am
oh ye of immortal descendanceyou've never been to a funeral/wedding?
June 6th, 2003 at 1:23 am
Nice picture.Wtf, is that Screech?
June 6th, 2003 at 2:04 am
Your SuitSharkey.... A couple things here..I agree with Trina..It is like Pretty woman. That said, if you buy a suit from walmart (doubting they even sell them) I'll personally drive to Ca. and poke your eye. I also agree with Pyro because in my suit wearing experience (1 day a week during my weekly client visits) I have found that smaller shops (preferably Italian) have not only better prices but a more realistic approach to customer service. The only people buying suits in the mall or at the local Hugo Boss store are trying to impress the others in the store (sales staff included) and the sales staff is there only because they have previously failed to impress anyone else in life. Third...I agree with T1mmie up there because Banana Republic has some great things that noone wants to buy in the store..Those ridiculous prices of theirs are for the \"swanker than most\" crowd that buys from the catalog. What is in the store is generally marked down about 60% Fourth. regardless of where you buyt it....There is always the option of buying a suit...tucking the tags in with pins and returning it to that lame ass salesman when you return tanned and refreshed from said cruise...Fuck 'em...
June 6th, 2003 at 9:44 am
hahaI feel sorry for ya cuz I know yer a tall fucker like me. Someone said buy one off the rack? heh you'll end up finding a suit that either looks like its polyester leftovers from the 70's or its an ugly shit brown color. I always gotta get one tailored when I get a new one otherwise it bind's in the shoulders. Good luk chachi
June 6th, 2003 at 11:51 am
coporate chainsI went to S&K Menswear when I first needed a suit (last year for a funeral), and the salesman was cool with me. This is impressive since I feel ya on the whole \"not dressing like a schmuck\" while shopping.I'm happy with the suit too because I didn't spend a fortune, and I also got a slice of the pie on New Year's while wearing it in Chi-town.So, if S&K is a nationwide chain (this was in Michigan), I suggest it.Did I just say Schmuck???
June 6th, 2003 at 11:58 am
one last thingI forgot to say that I too am a tall mofo, and this suit is not only classy, but fits perfect.And by the way, I wasn't wearing it while I was actually getting the pie..
June 7th, 2003 at 2:39 am
Sharky SuitTry Men's Wearhouse. Good prices, great staff, good looking stuff. Tell 'em what you need the suit for and they'll put together what you need.Taipan88
June 9th, 2003 at 12:25 am
im on the same boatI hear ya, im going to Alaska in August and I have just found out that I need to have something for the \"formal\" night. I was just thinking of going to the mens wherehouse and renting a suite, because if i buy one, it's going to be the only time i wear it.