The BadAss MoFo's Guide to Food

    The Badass MoFo takes his food seriously. If it tastes like shit, he's gonna let you know. The Badass MoFo has four basic food groups: Fast Food, Real Food, Pizza, and Beer. He requires at least one real meal every two weeks, from a real restaurant. A nice Italian place is good, or down-home American cuisine. Fast food comes in many forms, but to the BAMF there are only two important categories here: Regular and Mexican. He can eat fast food from any place he deems suitable, excepting McDonalds. The BAMF will not eat at McDonalds unless absolutely necessary. McDonalds is a horrid scourge on the Earth. They've tricked us since birth with their Happy Meals™ , toys, and Playlands, so that once we've grown up in this harsh world we remember the happy times eating their shitty food. Well, the BAMF is beyond their pitiful manipulation tactics. Their food is crap and so is their service.
    On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have pizza. Pizza is the ultimate form of sustenance for the BAMF. The BAMF requires pizza like a car needs oil. Every BAMF has a favorite pizza joint. (which cannot include Dominoes, Pizza Slut, etc.) The BAMF must declare that once eating pizza from his favorite spot, all others pale in comparison. Thus begins the BAMF's quest for the ultimate pizza. Every BAMF will try any pizza, any time, so that he may judge it's tasty goodness. And should he find a pizza far and beyond the goodness of others, he must share the knowledge with the other Badass MoFo's.
    This brings us to beer. Beer may not be considered food to most, but to the BAMF, it's dinner. Get yourself a nice pitcher of your favorite import and you've got a meal. The wheat, barley, and hops are good for you, so drink up. This diet may not be deemed entirely healthy by the AMA, but who cares? To combat the unhealthy food in your system, get a salad as an entree with that real meal every two weeks. Good, and good for you. As a supplement to this guide, we have included a list of suitable fast food and pizza joints for you to enjoy.

Note: These are Orange County, CA. specific. If these places do not exist where you live, go someplace else.