Any news, comments, pie? Send it

DAMN THE TORPEDOES! -- wrongforum @ 11:32 pm

A treat... -- Sharkey @ 10:38 pm
Most of you have never seen it, but I think I'm going to finally put the Fast Eddie picture back up here tomorrow. That is, of course, unless Fast Eddie would like to object? Since I haven't seen that jackhole in so long (and he has the damn Ep. 1 one-sheet), I figure I should unveil this masterpiece. You have until tomorrow afternoon Ed.

Great Slice! -- Captain Terror @ 10:14 pm
Jennifer An..is...ston....*huff puff* ........AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! Whew. Well, I'm spent. I think I'll go to bed now.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:43 pm
You ask, you receive: Jennifer Aniston.

Image 1 Image 2 Image 3 Image 4 Image 5

The competition is fierce... -- Sharkey @ 7:22 pm
Looks like wrongforum has got some competition on the campaign trail. You may be in for some trouble, everybody loves monkeys. Maybe I should have Loretta the Monkey take him out...

Starbucks sued over crushed penis -- Sharkey @ 5:39 pm
No, I'm not kidding. Read the full deal, here's the scoop:

A Canadian tourist who claims that his penis was crushed by a faulty toilet seat at a Starbucks has sued the giant coffee retailer for $1.5 million, his attorney said on Monday. His lawyer states that he was in a seated position on the toilet when he turned to retrieve the toilet paper in back of the seat when the seat shifted causing his penis to be caught and crushed between the seat and the bowl.

The suit also claims that as a result of Starbucks' carelessness, Skwarek suffered a "crushed penis, Peyronie's disease, retrograde ejaculation with consequent substantial reduction in sperm count, infertility, severe bruising to his penis and sexual function impairment."

Peyronie's disease usually causes deviation of the erect penis to one side.

Skwarek seeks $1 million in damages and his wife $500,000 because she has been "deprived of his services."

Woo-Hoo! -- Sharkey @ 5:23 pm
Somebody likes us! We're Syntekz Error's Site of the Week. Swank. Thanks a lot guys. Their review of us tends to show how our layout lacks. I'd just like to point out that it's not for lack of trying. Every time I mention a redesign you guys all jump down my throat about how the site looks fine and I shouldn't change it. DAMMIT, it's been the same since February! Ahem. Oh, and I've been trying to implement some type of forum for the site since day one, but I can't choose which one to go with. Any suggestions?

Fakers are getting good -- Nick @ 4:55 pm
Speaking of fakes, check out this one from the same site. Incredible how good the one on the left looks.

Anyhow, be on the look out for a prominent Shannon Elizabeth in next month's Maxim. How prominent? I won't curse it because nothing's for sure in that industry, but when I talked to her the other day she was just back from a "cover shoot" in New York. You heard it here first.

The fact that you "talked to her the other day" makes me absolutely green with envy, you sonuvabitch. Although, if you could convince her that calling the MoFo Hotline was a good idea, I might die a happy man :) -- Sharkey

Caliente! -- Sharkey @ 3:30 pm
Alright, I highly doubt the authenticity of this pic. But if it is a fake, its one of the best I've ever seen. Over 18 only, please. (Like that's gonna stop you.)

PAN DOWN! PAN DOWN!

***UPDATE*** Yesiree, its a fake if'n I ever saw one. Want the proof?

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

Thanks to BoJo for responding so fast.

Internet sharing guide -- Sharkey @ 3:09 pm
This right here is one of the most informative guides I've seen on Internet sharing. Perfect for those who will be sharing a cable/DSL connection and don't want to pay for additional IP addresses. I was just going to go with proxy software, but now I've changed my mind. Sygate looks to be the software to go with, unless anyone else has a better suggestion.

re: Dialpad.com - Solo.... -- Spooky @ 2:29 pm
Solo, I used dialpad a couple of times about 2 months ago. I have to admit, it actually worked. I called a couple people long distance and they could hear me fine etc. A couple of drawbacks, they can hear themselves on your speakers (I would suggest using headphones), if you aren't on a fat connection (I was using a T-1) then the convo will begin to get choppy. All in all it definatly works, and I am sure as technologies advance, things like this will become more common place.

Someone Is Always Watching -- Spooky @ 2:17 pm
Have you been to one of those websites where your cursor turns into a cartoon character? Comet Systems is most likely the ones who made that possible. They also made it possible to keep tabs on you and have information sent to their host machines whenever you hit a website using their technology. The information they are getting is not what is worrying people, it is the fact that 1, the company did it, 2, that it is possible...

"We don't know your gender, your age or anything except you're a Web browser visiting sites," Comet spokesman Ben Austin said, adding the company also doesn't know a person's name or e-mail address. "There's not a lot of reason to crunch that data because I don't see that it's in anyone's economic interests. We're stating for the record that we don't do that and we never will."

Monday, November 29, 1999

Random shite. -- Sharkey @ 10:34 pm
I got a new sound card today, a Soundblaster Live X-Gamer. Why don't they just scrap the stupid bundles for the MP3+ and X-Gamers? There's no damn difference, yet people seem to think there is. Tards. Oh, that Lava program that comes with SB products sucks ass.

Also, if I get any damn doug hate mail since he is apparently back, I'm gonna lay the mammoth smack-down.

Oh yeah, its coming... -- Sharkey @ 6:23 pm
On Saturday, the cable guy will be at my house. Then, once again it will be time for my battle cry. Go cable modem, baby.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:04 pm
Who could be sad when there's sweet, sweet Claire Forlani around?

Image 1 :: Image 2 :: Image 3 :: Image 4

Babel-fun -- Sharkey @ 3:15 pm
While waiting for big files to finish uploading and this moron on the other end of the phone to shut up, so its time for fun with the Internet! If y'all haven't screwed around with Babelfish, you ain't lived. I found that someone got here through this page, which translated comes out to:

as of hab I cannot what make my free afternoons then I gland on Internet and recently I had a revelation, I am not lost A not to only have any social life, there are same people worse than me, as JStile of www.stileproject.com which passes its life in a basement has to make a site filled of links chelous and has to deplore its life loser.

I wanted to thus make you share these some sites that I check all the 10min and who are more funs that I found until A now:
www.r33t.org
www.badassmofo.com - my prefer�

if not, some ptits funny tricks with the passage: a site which should like has Arnaud and his friends anti-portables do not look at especially this video

veiled, amuse well

Wookie, wannabe BadAssMofo

NO EMAIL! AAAARGHGH! -- Sharkey @ 1:40 P.M.

I feel like one of those excessive-hyperactive children who are parents needs to check to him/her.

* THE EXPLOSIONS DIRECT AGAINST THE VECTOR IN SEVERAL OCCASIONS *
I: NO EMAIL NO EMAIL ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH!
MOM: Place hon down, his AUTHORIZATION!
I: NO EMAIL! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!* TRACK OF EXPLOSIONS *
MOM: Please shutdown! It will be well!
I: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tech-bits -- Sharkey @ 2:34 pm
WOO-HOO! Tech bits Tech bits Tech bi.... sorry, still a little hyper from that last post. Let's continue.

Intel is announcing price cuts for the 12th of this month.

For those of you who like swank gadgets and don't mind looking stupid should check the wearable PC being developed in Japan.

The perfect gift for the porn lover that's constantly on the go.

NO EMAIL!! AAAARGHGH! -- Sharkey @ 1:40 pm
I feel like one of those overly-hyperactive children who's parents need to restrain him/her.

*BANGS HEAD AGAINST TABLE REPEATEDLY*
ME: NO E-MAIL NO E-MAIL ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH!!
MOM: Settle down hon, its OK!
ME: NO E-MAIL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!*BANGS HEAD*
MOM: Please stop! It'll be alright!
ME: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!*Chair falls over*
EVERYONE: SHUT THAT KID UP DAMMIT!

I miss e-mail. Could you tell? Send your love here if you desparately need to get hold of me. Please?

Tis funny, said the blind man -- wrongforum @ 10:21 am

The 5 Unruly Janitors

Okay me not smart -- wrongforum @ 8:24 am
I woke up to find my inbox stuffed with people smarter than me. Well, they can't be all that smart - they're stuffed in my mailbox. Anyway, the test isn't out of 150, as many had 155+. But I'm not bitter. I know for a fact that my IQ is at least 10 points less than what I got (my best friend's wife is a teacher, and she administered the test). And the real test wasn't true or false - they were real questions. One of the test questions was: "what is the square root of 7004?" Answer: "Yo momma". Ka-ching! Instant genius.

Also, that scale seems a little odd. Within 10 points (from 120 to 130), you go from "passing most undergrad classes" to "entry-level genius". I know for a fact most people that pass most undergrad classes are not even close to genius status. How smart are you if you let a bonfire pile fall on you, killing yourself and most of your friends?

I personally think it was suicide.

Here it comes again... -- Sharkey @ 2:04 am
Well, looks like ye olde holiday season is upon us yet again. My favorite time of year, actually. Or, it used to be anyway. Somehow the last couple of years haven't been quite up to par. Maybe it's because the Kevin & Bean Christmas cassettes upgraded to CD format, and downgraded to lackluster content. Maybe it's because it hasn't rained here in a damn eon. I mean, I love it when it rains, since we get it so rarely. We've had maybe three or four rainy days this year, and they've all lasted an hour or two. Ah, whatever it is, let's hope it changes this year. Maybe you guys could help. You know, get me that special something on my Christmas list? Ah, fuggettaboutit. Maybe I'll put up some Christmas decorations or something to liven the place up.

I got the SotD ready to go, so expect that when I wake up. Also, I think in celebration of the holiday spirit, I'll upload an mp3 of one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs. Snootchie Bootches.

Sunday, November 28, 1999

Me is really smart -- wrongforum @ 11:30 pm
Everybody loves testes...oops, I mean tests on the web. I got this link from Ezis (aka the meanest guy on the internet). It is the world's most accurate online IQ test. Whatever. I'm happy to say that I got a whopping 145 out of 150, firmly planting me in the bonafide genius range. What, you doubt me? Go here and believe it, bitchmonkeys.

Oh, the mofo mailbag has been updated. Not as lively as previous ones, but great nonetheless.

Its been a while... -- Captain Terror @ 10:58 pm
Okay, I'm back. I've been out on the campaign trail for wrongforum and I have returned. I figure, "how can he lose with me on the job?" I can see the campaign slogan now, "Porno DVD's and Mac G4's for all!!!" Well I'll tell you what, he gets my vote and the world will be a better place. If you have any better campaign slogans, let me know, I don't think the right wingers will like the 'porno' part.
Late,
C.T.

Mac G4s for all?!? What are you trying to do, sabotage your own country? I can just see it now, sad Macs as far as the eye can see. -- Sharkey

Marriage counseling from The Onion -- Sharkey @ 10:18 pm
HA-HA! This article kicks ass! If you don't feel like clickin', here are The Onion's tips on keeping your marriage strong.

• Be sure to thank your spouse whenever they do something nice, even if it's something as small as taking it up the ass.
• The best way to ensure a long-lasting marriage is to keep your individual needs out of it.
• Treat your partner with respect. Don't hit him/her in front of relatives.
• A good relationship leaves room for outside interests. Be supportive of your spouse's rough-sex-with-the-mailman hobby.
• Cranking out another child is a great way to bring you and your spouse closer together.
• Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and scream at each other for 24 hours, 36 hours--however long it takes.
• Always speak to spouse in soothing, patronizing tones.
• Take out your marital problems on your young children.
• Communication is the key to a good marriage. Be sure your spouse knows every last little thing you hate about him/her.
• Sit down with your spouse and work out a diet that will allow you to get big and fat together.
• If your marriage is truly in jeopardy, stay in touch with your phone psychic at all times.
• Countless conflicts can be avoided by walking out on your family for years at a time.
• In a two-job household, both careers need to be considered, even if one is some silly little woman endeavor.
• One common myth states that hitting is no way to solve a marital dispute, but studies show that this is not always the case.
• If you sense that your marriage is growing stale, accept it and live out the remainder of your days in unfulfilled misery and despair.

Definite disturbance... -- Sharkey @ 9:27 pm
Since I hadn't received any e-mails in the past two days, I started getting a little suspicious. I found out that my e-mail is not working. Well shit. I gotta get this fixed, but if any of you had questions, pretend I'm a pompous asshole who doesn't reply or something. At least 'til I get it fixed.

I sense a great disturbance in the force... -- Sharkey @ 7:23 pm
Somethings wrong. I've tried to update like three times and every time this machine sends it down the crapper before I can get it sent.

Damn dark side of the force, LET ME POST!

Arnold on "End of Days" -- Sharkey @ 1:13 pm
Arnold recently discussed why he chose End of Days as his "comeback movie". Here's the nitty-gritty:

"This had all the things I basically needed to come back with. It had the supernatural, which is important today, because people today love supernatural movies like The Sixth Sense. Second, the timing was perfect, because it was the only movie that dealt with the millennium. Third, it was very important to do a big movie, to make a big splash when I come back with a big budget and everything. And four, I wanted to show I'm physically [recovered from my 1997 heart surgery] so I needed a chance to show stunts and the craziness."

Saturday, November 27, 1999

You're a mean one... -- wrongforum @ 11:57 pm
It's Christmastime! Time to forget about the real reason we celebrate it and wallow in our greed! HAHAHA!!! Gimme stuff! And this is what I want.

Home... -- Sharkey @ 10:46 pm
Back at home, a damn day early. Blew off my golf game tomorrow to get here, and find that the problem has been taken care of. Not only that, but if I'd been handling the tech calls from the road, I could have fixed it remotely. Now I gotta deal with all the bullshit on Monday. Great. I'm going to sleep, I'm still a little sick.

And to those (Solo, Ty) who say that I have lack of pie-itis, try working nonstop for three weeks and see how much you feel like updating dammit!

I've never done this before -- wrongforum @ 1:06 pm
Okay. I'm gonna step out on a limb today and make a weekend Slice. Here she is - the undiminishable Julianna Margulies.

THANK GOD -- wrongforum @ 10:38 am
I just read that the worst show ever - Suddenly Susan - is finally getting yanked off the air, and getting replaced by a Bence favorite, Freaks and Geeks. I don't have TV because you bitches out there didn't pay my cable bill. But if I did, I would watch Freaks and Geeks just to spite that whore Brooke Sheilds.

On a related note, one of our resident slices of Lemon Meringue is getting a new show in the fall of 2000 on FOX. Yes, I'm talking about none other than that crazy gal Jenny McCarthy. You can insert any number of comments here, none of which will do justice to the situation.

Is it just me, or is Julianna Margulies the hottest slice of gal ever? EGAD.

Playing with fire (again) -- wrongforum @ 10:25 am
A coupla months ago I was watching PBS (yes, I watch PBS. It's amazing how much more actual content you can get into a show without goddamn commercials every few minutes) and saw a Frontline episode called Nuclear Reaction: Why do Americans Fear Nuclear Power?. If you don't know what Frontline is, it is probably the only real investigative news show left on this planet of "Current Affairs." Basically, the show dealt with the Chernobyl incident that happened in the late eighties. Pretty scary stuff, if you ask me. The whole Chernobyl incident put the fear of God into all us kids at Burns Elementary School.

So imagine my reaction (no pun intended. ok, it was intended) when I find out that the plant is up and running again. Let's just say that it scares the bejezus out of me. The workers at the Chernobyl plant keep saying that they have all the Y2K bugs ironed out, Y2K this, Y2K that. They seem to ignore the fact that THE DAMN REACTOR MELTED DOWN and ruined THOUSANDS of square miles of land, and that the old reactor (there is more than one - only one reactor went into meltdown) still leaks gargantuan amounts of radiation every year, and the Ukrainian government has to at least once a year pour more concrete on the site in an effort to seal it up. Hell, even America got a little of the fallout from that incident, mostly up and down the east coast.

Eeek. There really isn't anything I can say about this. Well, watch Frontline. It's a good show.

Friday, November 26, 1999

Damn you! -- wrongforum @ 11:44 pm
"Damn you!" is the theme of today's Mofo Mailbag. Even Jesus shows up for a word or two. Enjoy.

Boy, is it dead here tonight, or what?

Son of a bitch. -- Sharkey @ 8:43 pm
So I finally get my cell phone into an area with coverage, and what do I see? Message from work. I find out that not only was there nobody covering the support desk last night (good job fucknuts), but a server went down as well. This has obviously caused much panic to go on for the bigwigs down there. I just know they're going to try and pin it on me, since I was scheduled to work, even though I told them I wouldn't be four days ago. Worst shit always has to go down when I'm not there, damn Murphy's Law. Now I've got to cut my vacation short, leave here tomorrow, and make sure that nothing catastrophic took place.

Crappitty crap crap.

Oww.... -- Sharkey @ 2:17 pm
My neck hurts, I think I slept on it wrong. Anyway, I'm out in sunny Palm Springs right now, weather is fantastic. Hit some golf balls today, maybe I'll take in a few holes tomorrow before I head back home. If you're bored, why don't you check and see if you've got any unclaimed loot that the government owes you? Check out this spot which checks for "unclaimed property" that your family might own. That's the link for the California version, so you might have to be redirected if you live elsewhere.

Serious shit -- wrongforum @ 9:58 am
There is some fucking horrible shit going down in Austalia. Slashdot is reporting about the death of free speech down under. It seems the Australian parliament has passed legislation that allows the Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation , similar to the CIA here in the states, to tap every net user in Australia and alter date on their computer. This is the biggest POS law I've ever seen, and it gets worse. The government has appointed an "advisory board" on how to deal with these internet censorship powers they now have, which basically consists of ham-fisted representatives from special interest groups. Hell, they have a representative from End Child Prostitution in Asian Countries. WTF?? Again, WTF??!!!

This could set the precedent for our own downfall in North America nations when it comes to internet censorship. I'd like to think we're smarter than the Australian government, and a lot more nasty in our abhoration at the loss of our rights. If this shit happened to us, I'd be the first damn person flinging Molotov cocktails at the White House, cussing all the while like a sailor with the clap.

Mofos of trhe world, UNITE! We shall not stand for this ludicrous pile of fecal butter legislation to take place in our countries! If you're a web master, e/n or otherwise, that reads this page, make it a point to mention the atrocities against free speech on your sites. USA readers, write to your representatives explaining that legislation of this nature will not be tolerated in this country.

Hey, if you're running for president, you gotta have some issues to address.

Book'em Dano -- Spooky @ 7:46 am
It would appear as though Amazon.com has some unhappy employees. Amazon, who set the stanard for speedy ecommerce has openly acknowledged that if you are slow, you might not make it working for them. Here is a recount from a former employee :

This was Richard Howard's last indignity as a customer-service representative for Amazon.com. A man on the phone was seeking Civil War-era fiction from the Internet bookseller. Howard, who has a master's degree in literature, suggested Gore Vidal's "Lincoln." Their conversation lasted three or four minutes.
A few days later, Howard was admonished by his supervisor, who had listened in on the call. The gist: Watch the schmoozing.

"People want intimacy in their book-shopping experience, so that's what I was giving them," said Howard, who left Seattle-based Amazon.com shortly after the conversation early last year. "But my bosses saw this like it was a fast-food buying experience, in and out."

Stone Cold Back Pain -- Spooky @ 6:16 am
It looks as though Stone Cold Steve Austin's days are numbered. Well, for wrestling atleast. He has a bone spur in his back. Im sure Bence is keeping a candlelight vigile going for Stone Cold, I for one am glad to see the piece of trailer park trash go.

Thursday, November 25, 1999

Yip yip yip -- wrongforum @ 10:47 pm
Hee hee! Got my bitch-monkey ICQ working again. But all my contacts are gone. So all you people out there who have me as a contact, re-authorize me, please. I'm just too lazy to find all the five names I had on my list.

I'm thinking the word "bitch-monkey" shouldn't have a dash. "Bitchmonkey" flows so much better without a dash. Pardon any enigmatic beastiality references in that last sentence, please.

Maximum Woman -- Spooky @ 3:24 pm
The ever diligent Spooky is always on the lookout for that special piece of pie. What more could you ask for then a woman who calls herself, Maximum Woman. Get a load of her Turn Ons! w00f!

Mmm....pie -- Sharkey @ 3:13 pm
I just wanted to wish everybody a happy Thanksgiving before I head out to Palm Springs for the weekend. I'm full of turkey and pumpkin pie (hmmm....what kind of...) Anyway, keep it real my chillens, I'll be posting from the road.

Micro$oft vs. FL & CA -- Spooky @ 2:33 pm
Following California, the state of Florida has initiated a class action lawsuit against Microsoft Corp claiming they overcharged users for Win95 after it had released Win98. Uhm what? The actual charge is is for violating Florida's Deceptive and Unfair Trade Practices Act and other anti-trust laws. I tell you what though, it is a good thing there is plenty of money to spend dicking around with Microsoft instead of cleaning up our own little hell hole. whew. AOL, TCI, Cox Communications, and the rest had better watch their asses because who knows who is next.

Happy Thanksgiving -- wrongforum @ 12:02 am
Hey, it's already Thanksgiving my time by about two hours. Go eat turkey and watch football. I command you.

As a present, I have updated the Mofo Mailbag. It's probably the best one yet, and has a lot of letters, thanks to you, the viewers. Keep the faith.

Have a wonderful dinner with your families. No word from me until after 11P.M. CST.

Wednesday, November 24, 1999

On the campaign trail -- wrongforum @ 6:31 pm

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:14 pm
Today's slice is the delictable Christina Aguilara:

MP3 In Your Pocket -- Spooky @ 4:25 pm
It looks like a pen but let me assure you, there is no ink in this worlds smallest MP3 player..

I saw this little puppy at Comdex while looking at the Vaio laptops but alas, I was not allowed to touch it. *go figure* The clip sports 64 megs of ram and USB capabilities. Sweetass. Here is the full story on the clip and many other small players.

WF For President -- Spooky @ 3:23 pm
It seems as though many are not taking wrongforum's bid for presidency seriously. Let me assure you all, The BAMF WF Campaign 99 is 100% legit and we are all for putting our man into the oval office. We urge you all to petition to get him put on the ballot. Sure he is a little weasel, sure he has no real promises to make to the people, but hey, he is badass, and that ladies and gentlemen is all that matters.

Urge to kill...rising.... -- Sharkey @ 2:36 pm
People who's mouths I wish I could staple shut right now:

#1: Mona Hodge. The best part is that the dumb bitch is standing next to me jabbering right now and has no fucking clue. You guys don't know her, so be thankful. Best part about this is that she's talking to me right now, and can't see what I'm typing.

ArtX caught red handed.... -- Sharkey @ 2:30 pm
I think you guys should check out what's going on over at ArsTechnica right now. Seems that the Director of Marketing for ArtX has been up to some sneaky tricks. The bit on /. sums it up pretty well.

The story started last week in one of the Ars Comdex reports, when Hannibal said that ArtX's Alladin chipset didn't look too hot, and continued in an email dialog between Hannibal and Rick Calle. The story gets really weird when Mr. Calle went on Ars' forum and started posting stories discounting Hannibal's take on the situation as two different anonymous cowards. How'd Hannibal know it was Mr. Calle? The IPs of users are automatically logged (you know this before you submit your post) and both the anonymous cowards turned out to be from the same IP, which resolved to artxinc.com. Here's Mr. Calle's response to the allegations, "P.S. you're good. snagged my IP, huh?! i'm rotfl - rick."

Bah. Mere details! -- wrongforum @ 2:28 pm
I've been getting mail saying that I can't be president. Here's the scoop.

I hate to break it to you, man, but the minimum age for the presidency is 35.
Basically, if you can piss without assitance, they don't want you. The codgers have got themselves a sweet little system there, and they don't want any virile young men (or women) fucking it up. Too bad... As Clinton has proved, at 18, potheads are funny, by 50, they're just sad.

Glass

Treasure -- wrongforum @ 2:04 pm
Hey, I just found my Color Gameboy I got last year. I've been looking for that thing. However, I've only got that Zelda game along with Tetris and Dr. Mario. I need cheap games! I'm especially interested in some of the old Final Fantasy titles. If you're looking to get rid of some games, or want ot give a tax-deductible gift to your next president, I will be happy to oblige. Send me a note. I'm sick of beating Dr. Mario.

Upsetting... -- Sharkey @ 1:44 pm
Why does the government get a third of my money? I was pretty content with the fact that they only took 25%, but all of the sudden they take a third? Sons of goat-raping whoores.

Tricks for votes -- wrongforum @ 1:02 pm
Well, I've been doing something very bad. I read both Time and Newsweek for this week within two days of one another. Of course, if you haven't had your head in your ass for the last month, you know about the candidates running this term for president of the big ole US of A. I am a pretty staunch Republican, and I've been leaning toward Arizona's own John McCain. But then again, they're all a bunch of old coots, and what this nation needs is a 22 year-old testosterone factory of a man to run it right. So, I'm thinking, hmm, who fits that bill better than me? Well, maybe Stile, but he has too much self-loathing right now to operate the country.

So without further deliberation (ooo, see that word? that's one of those "presidential" words), I am taking my formal foray into the world of politics. For the less-than-bright in the crowd (Adam Cantrell), that means I'm gonna run for president of the free world, baby.

Look out, Al Gore. You may have made the internet, but I am the internet. Hell, I don't exist apart from it. You think my real name is wrongforum? Well, maybe Adam Cantrell does, but I have faith that the readership at BAMF has more IQ points than a goddamn mother fucking moron.

To get my votes, I plan on making promises that I promise that I can't keep. I promise. So first on the agenda - fat internet pipes running into every BAMF reader's home! That's right. You get, as a reader of BAMF, all the free bandwidth you want. In fact, I'll block everyone else's bandwidth unless they read this site. Hehe, then we can sell out and turn this place into a portal... oh wait. Nevermind, someone already did that.

And how many of you people have ever seen a bald eagle up close? Probably nobody, because they'll peck your eyes out. I, as president, will declare the howler monkey as the new national animal, because everybody knows howler monkeys are bad to the mofackin bone, bizqwiks. Hell, even I don't know what I just typed, but I'm a natural leader, which means I pay someone to fix my mistakes for me. And believe me, my salary here at BAMF pays plenty enough to have a gaggle of assistants, advisors, staffers, prostitutes, and concubines around me at all times. Other candidates work at Burger King as dish washers. i am obviously more qualified, if you ask me.

Oh,and just for the record. If I get to be president, Janet Reno is out the door, and hopefully, on her face, so I won't have to see it anymore. Reminds me of a twisted school bus driver I had when I was in 6th grade.

DeniseR.Com Is Open For Biz -- Spooky @ 12:21 pm
Does the Roosh crew ever sleep?? I just read that they finalized and opened up DeniseR.Com. I checked it out, as you better be too, and all I can say is, I thank the maker that women like this exist. aiiiiiiiiiiie! Nice job on the site..

Please... please help me... -- Spooky @ 7:56 am
I woke up this morning to the song Margaritaville...It will not go away. I feel like I am on an episode of Alley McBeal and I cannot stop hallucinating. Hey, I was wondering, does anyone remember that damn song Informer by Snow? Wait wait I am getting offtrack, oh, remember Third Bass? WHY are these things in my head. The other day all Sam kept saying was "Copa.. copa cabana..." Can you imagine? Having Barry Manilow in your head for a whole day. Im sorry dood..I think I am addicted to Who Wants To Be A Millionare.. Whenever they ask the question I chant, "I do Regis! I do Regis!" I pretend its me sitting there.. sigh.. its a sickness..

One last thing -- wrongforum @ 1:29 am
I go to bed now. But before I do that, I want to say that all you html monsters out there are nothing for the likes of jodi.org.

Bored -- Sharkey @ 12:52 am
I was bored, so I went to Stile's channel on Efnet. Nobody there was alive, so I left. So if you feel like chatting, go to #bamf on efnet. I'll be there, wishing I was at home with a beer.

Lesson for today -- Sharkey @ 12:41 am
And today I learn to never, never click on a blind link over at Stile Project.

Tuesday, November 23, 1999

Baboon loving = funny -- wrongforum @ 11:58 pm
Another update to the mailbag. I, as always, need more mail, so it can get what we call in the e/n biz "more funny". I'll have to say in my tenure here, I've learned one thing: "e/n = bad grammar".

Actually, two things: "kontroversy = readership". But I guess you all know that, right? Since we're all complacent, docile capitalist cows eating our grass on the side of our middle class hill, we rarely get any real conflict in our lives, which is the only thing of interest in this world. What good movie/book/tv show/music doesn't have it? Hell, if you've had high school freshman english, you know that every story has to have a conflict between an antagonist and protagonist in order for it to have any worthwhile content.

Of course, the real question in this situation is, "who is the protagonist, and who is the antagonist?"

Of course, this whole thing is a moot point if no one gives a shit in the first place.

This whole 'controversy' -- Sharkey @ 11:29 pm
Alright, I've watched long enough, time to step up to the mic. Roosh pulls mask off of Mr. Anon, to reveal..... Inferno? Interesting twist. Let me ask this, WTF is everybody's panties in a wad about?

OK, Solo has been rubbing Roosh's nose in his own words the past couple of days. So what? Would you expect any less from Solo? I wouldn't, cheers to your boldness my friend. BD has been pretty vocal as well. Again, they can do whatever the fuck they want. It's their site. Same with Roosh. I like Rooshnet, and Roosh has been nothing but cool to me, so I return the favor. So he runs his site differently than I do, or Solo does. So what? Roosh is more entrepreneurial about his site than us. I hope he succeeds at it, he put a lot of work into Rooshnet. What am I tryin' to say here? I'm impartial. Although I will say that Roosh needs to relax with the secrecy and the inside bashing and just use his site if he's pissed. There's your lesson for the day.

Where does this stick the BAMF in this whole "controversy"? Switzerland. Amidst cold beers and snow bunnies.

Question... -- Sharkey @ 10:34 pm
Is it possible to get a job for say, a week, and not have it appear anywhere on your employment record? Here's why I'm asking. I was reading through this site and I reminisced about how much people used to piss me off when I worked in retail. I thought it might be cool to take a job at a retail store where customers are known for their stupidity. Then I'd like to spend the week pissing them off. I think it would be stress relieving. I can remember a lot of instances where I didn't speak up because I needed the job. Now that I have a good job, I could just throw that retail job in the crapper after a few days. Hmmm... Let's use past experiences of mine and see what I'd do differently.

Customer: Excuse me, do you work here?
Me(now): No ma'am, I just wear this apron and nametag when I'm out of clean laundry.
Me(then): *Sigh* Yes ma'am, what can I help you with?

Customer: My child made an awful mess out of your bathroom back there. You should send someone to clean it up.
Me(now): Here's Windex and a toilet brush ma'am. And next time, think before you procreate.
Me(then): I'll get right on that. *mutters*Stupid bitch*/mutters*

Customer: Do you have the latest book Oprah had on her show?
Me(now): Why? Are you hoping to read it and end up a fat idiot like she is? I love DeNiro and his films, but he wouldn't know a good book from a hole in his ass. Leave my store, sheep.
Me(then): Aisle 7 ma'am, on the "Oprah Recommends" encap.

Customer: I could have your JOB for this!
Me(now): Really? You mean you'd stand here with this stupid apron on, and I'd stand there being a complete asshole to you? That sounds great, where do I sign up?
Me(then): I'm sorry for the inconvenience, would you like to speak to a member of management? *mutters*Stupidprick*/mutters*

Customer: *Huge fatass woman walks up to counter with donuts, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, etc. and Diet Soda.
Me(now): .... I would use my mighty powers to strip your ability to reproduce, for the good of humanity. However, with an ass like that and your obvious lack of any common sense, the chances of you having sex in this lifetime are about as good as Carrot Top delivering an Oscar-calibre performance. Now leave my store, before I get the harpoon.
Me(then): *Sits and stares with spiteful intent*

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 8:30 pm
Yeah, yeah, so I didn't get to it yesterday. Can't apologize enough, can I? Hey wait, look over here, Rose McGowan:

Wipe out the cold front with Hitler -- Sharkey @ 6:30 pm
Oh yes, this is a gem right here folks. I can't think of anything to say about this:

I feel a draft! Mobilize! SCHNELL!

I, Anakin -- Sharkey @ 3:56 pm
Sweet. Saw a link to this article over on the /. Sounds like something I'd write, only I'd end it off with, "If you need convincing of my lightsabre-wielding skills, please send Ms. Portman to my home, and I will demonstrate. And while you're at it, send Katie Holmes too."

Oxymoron... -- Sharkey @ 2:29 pm
I'm still on hold. But you can enjoy yourselves while I listen to the muzak version of Endless Love. Check out Microsoft contradicting itself. Caught this one off Geeknews.

Suckass -- Sharkey @ 2:03 pm
I'm on the phone with MS Tech Support right now. Never thought you'd see the day, did you? Sorry about the SotD shortage yesterday. I was all set to upload and I realized that I was a minute or two from spewing. Whatever the bug going around is, I was catching it. So I filled my stomach with fluids & vitamin C and went to sleep. Woke up feeling great. HA HA virus! I beat you!

I'm still on hold dammit.

Napster Comes Under Fire -- Spooky @ 8:21 am
Napster the now famous MP3 trading upstart is being sued by the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America).

"We spent many days sampling the Napster community, and found that virtually all file traffic is unauthorized," said Lydia Pelliccia, an RIAA spokeswoman.

The company hasn't officially launched its Web site or made "one dime" in revenues, Richardson said. "For chrissakes we're still in beta.... We are freaking four months old."

Monday, November 22, 1999

Did I see that? -- wrongforum @ 11:22 pm
Man, this one by Cheap over at Brain Damage really set me for the double-take.

$7.99 (Cheap @ 23:55:57 EST)
i went to the corner shop near 7-11 with one of my friends. he went with the classic playboy issue, but i was determined for something much better. "young and tight" is what i came up with, and let me tell ya, it doesnt have bullshit articles like playboy, it gets right down to the pussy. oh shut up, you like it young and tight too, so no complaining. and just like young pussy on the streets, this mag is expensive comparatively speaking...

im done with 4 and a half pages of my theology (emphasis added) paper and i have to get up in less than 5 hours for my morning practice. oh goodie a page and a half to go...

Its coming. -- Sharkey @ 8:29 pm
Slice of the Day cometh. Prepare yourself.

Headlines -- Sharkey @ 5:30 pm
I haven't ever done this before, but there's a first time for everything eh? Let's have a look at the headlines and their little bylines, and I'll comment.

Poor countries demand help to fight desertification
RECIFE, Brazil (November 22, 1999 6:41 p.m. EST) - Each year on Earth, a chunk of farmland nearly twice the size of Maryland turns into desert, making poor countries even less able to feed themselves. But experts say the problem of desertification is reversible if rich nations care - and pay.

Zoo crowd witnesses a gorilla birth
WASHINGTON (November 22, 1999 1:01 p.m. EST) - Mandara, a 17-year-old lowland gorilla, gave birth for the fourth time on Saturday - in public, in full view of a surprised crowd. Her guardians couldn't be more delighted.

ABC's first millionaire promises not to cheat on taxes
NEW YORK (November 22, 1999 2:49 p.m. EST) - He wanted to be a millionaire. Now, he is - before taxes, anyway. John Carpenter, who went all the way to the million-dollar mark on Friday's "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," collected his check Monday from Regis Philbin on "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee." He promised not to cheat on his taxes this Spring.

The more you know.... -- Sharkey @ 5:19 pm
Did you know that the average American male has the equivalent of two and a half bricks-worth of shit stuck in their intestinal tracts? Remember the first time you had a cheeseburger? Your colon does, because bits of that burger are still in there.

Now that I've ruined your dinners, I can go. I'll have to post more about this fascinating subject later.

Back and kicking -- wrongforum @ 4:18 pm
So sorry about the hiatus. Now that my girlfriend is out of town, it's safe to say I'm broke. But my ISP is paid up for the month, so the updates are back!

I have a small but memorable update for ya'll on the Mofo Mailbag page. Hopefully I can talk Sharkey into hosting the page and setting up some cgi for it so the rest of the crew can post. Hows about it Sharkey? We know you don't do anything at work, so you should have plenty of time to get one up and running..

Oops. Digressions is dead.

Dammit, I actually have to work when I'm at work now. And staring at this computer screen all day really hurts. I never noticed it before. And maybe if I can get a damn day off (not in the last two weeks) I can get the MoFo Mailbag workin'. Until then.... -- Sharkey

Web sites as collateral? -- Sharkey @ 12:52 pm
Apparently so. According to this Register article Internet domains are now considered real estate properties by the Industrial Bank of Korea, which will offer loans with the site as collateral.

An eight-person group will review the domain and the bank will guarantee loans of up to 30 per cent of its assessed value.

Those with a .com address can apply for up to 30 million Won (�16,000). Small business are expected to be the main customers, although homepages will also be considered. The .net and .co.kr domains will be included from the middle of next year.

Poke You Mon -- Spooky @ 7:45 am
I think the below story speaks for itself, and it took place here in Tucson no less...
Boy charged with armed robbery in Pokemon card theft

ASSOCIATED PRESS
TUCSON, Ariz., Nov. 19 - In Arizona, an 11-year-old boy is facing armed robbery charges after getting caught up in the Pokemon craze. Police say the middle school student in Tucson pulled a knife on another boy. They say he not only stole the boy�s Pokemon trading cards, but got him to borrow cards from other kids and then hand them over to him. The suspect is being held in a juvenile detention center pending a November 30th court appearance. The victim says they boy held a four-inch knife to his stomach and threatened to stab him if he didn�t come up with some cards. Asked why he did it, the 11-year-old told police it was because he didn�t have any of his own.

You guys are messed up... -- Sharkey @ 12:57 am
Let's have a look at the ol' logs here, find out where you kids have been coming from this month. Lets see... here we go, search logs... Ok....

http://www.alltheweb.com/cgi-bin/search?type=phrase&query='Britney Spears breasts'

http://google.netscape.com/netscape?query=matt+pinfield

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=aq&q='writing on drugs'&stq=10

http://www.google.com/search?q='14 year old girls'&site=search&start=90&sa=N

Sunday, November 21, 1999

I am an f'ing lunatic -- Sharkey @ 8:51 pm
Just so you all know. I didn't want there to be any confusion. Here's a general list of things about me that may or may not interest you. Either way, if you keep reading I don't want to hear any shit. There's no news and I feel like writing something, so here goes.

Some say my birth sign is Libra, some say it is Scorpio. Me, I don't put any stock into that crap, so I really couldn't give a shit. Some nut where I used to work actually researched it for me and found that I am actually riding the cusp down to the damn hour for the year I was born. Thus, I have no identity, therefore your insignificant horoscopes mean less to me than a quarter means to Bill Gates.

I dont like Rob Leifeld, who used to own part of Image Comics and now publishes shitty comics under his Awesome Comics label. Rob is a knob, and I'm a poet who doesn't know it. Moving on....

I own a kitana, sharpened, and I know how to use it. Wags can attest to this.

I have finished Century Club, and not puked. Beat that, wuss.

I think I'm catching a cold.

I miss the old Metallica. Seriously. I almost cried like a little sissy girl when I bought Load. It certainly was a Load.... of shit.

I am bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. Can't you tell? I should have stuck with my guns, but instead I came into work. Regret that decision? You betcha.

I want my cable modem back dammit. Tell that lame-ass cable guy to get the lead out.

I think this is one of the longest posts I've ever written.

Had to take a call just now. If there were any more air in Susan Springer's head she'd pop like a damn balloon. I know you all have no clue who I'm talking about. Two words: Be Thankful.

I think I'm going to sleep now. If you have any questions, you know where to find me.

Newest Staffer -- Sharkey @ 1:56 pm
Well, I don't think Mabs likes our new member of the staff, Loretta The Monkey (named after our waitress, see previous post). Why, you ask? Upon introduction, Mabs attempted to tear the little monkey's head off. Loretta broke free with a kidney punch, and promptly crapped in it's hand and flung the fecal matter at Mabs. Mabs dodged pretty well, but he was not happy. He said he wasn't going to put up with a shit-flinging monkey on staff. Too bad. I know Bud's got a soft spot for monkeys, when I call the Triad together he'll back me up, and so will Mox. Loretta will fill the huge gap left by our departed buddy Gary Coleman. I figure it's the same thing, they're both under 4 feet tall.

Another interesting night... -- Sharkey @ 12:37 pm
As soon as I got off work, I headed over to Mox's place where there was apparently going to be a little get-together. I got there and Mox's sister, her friend Katie, and their friend from Washington Pearl were there. Mox had just headed out to get beer, because they were near out and it was about 3 minutes until 2AM (cut-off time for alcohol in CA). Mox gets back with no alcohol, because he was 1 minute late. Shite. So we made due with what we had.

Cut to three hours later, we're good to go. We decide that it's time for a trip. Where are we going? Oh yeah baby, Denny's. We start walking and we realize that Mox miscalculated the distance by a mile or so (which is a long friggin' walk for Denny's food) so we decided to go to Spires instead.

Upon entering, we noticed two cops, so Mox had to keep his antics to a minimum. I stopped at one of those crane games and had a look inside. That's when I saw it: A little bean-bag monkey, calling out to me, begging me to free it from it's glass-walled prison. Have no fear 'lil fella, Sharkey's comin' to save you. On the first try, the very first try, I hooked it's head and dragged it all the way to the hole. Until it's legs hit the glass, that is. It dropped right next to the hole, which is the hardest place to get anything in that machine. I spent 8 bucks trying to free the monkey before I got pissed off and sat down. Ordered some food, some hot chocolate, and relaxed for a bit.

....Alright, screw relaxing, I want that monkey and I want it now. I went back with Lisa (Mox's sister) and Katie to the machine, and we put in a collaborative effort to bust the 'lil monkey out. No luck. Shit, another few bucks down the drain. We went back to the table and finished our food.

....Dammit, gotta have that monkey. We get up, Mox pays the check, and I give our waitress Loretta a $10 and ask for 10 ones. I proceed to the crane machine, determined to have my prize. Everyone crowded around, giving out there advice. Ten bucks later, I was heartbroken. I cursed the crane game for keeping the monkey which was rightfully mine. I decided it was time to give up.

....Screw that, I must have that monkey! Just as Loretta is breaking a 50-spot for me, I turn and see Lisa at the crane machine. Oh yeah, she got it on the first try. Then she turned and handed the monkey to me. God bless that woman, I could have kissed her. The monkey was mine, the prize had been won, and it had only cost me 21 bucks to get it. ....Hey waitaminute.

And now, thanks to Mox's sister, we have a new member of the staff. Oh yes, the monkey will be a BadassMoFo. I must now call a meeting of the Triad, in order to fully induct our newest staffer.

Im lazy -- Sharkey @ 12:16 pm
I forgot to put up reviews of Sleepy Hollow and The World is Not Enough.

....Don't worry, I will later.

Saturday, November 20, 1999

GotoWorld Hack -- Schmerz @ 9:36 pm
Got this email from Curtis:

Hay there,
My name is curtis and I was checking out you bamf site and noticed that you had posted the crack for alladvantage. two of these have been out for quite some time and I thought you might also want to post the work-around for gotoworld as well.
I included it in this e-mail. It is about 400k.
also, I don't remember which one of you guys posted that pic that looked like a kid (pimp in training) at his highschool dance. Do any of you know any story behind that pic. I work the gravyard shift at a major ISP (JPS.net) along with about 5 other guys and we were rolling for some time over that pic. we just wanted to know where you guys got the pic and if you know anything about it.

Thanks and have fun with the crack.

Curtis
[email protected]

BOO-YAH! x 2! -- Sharkey @ 7:51 pm
Yet again, the perverse nature of humans is revealed in public. While this guy isn't a junior higher like our friend *hmya*, he is just a tad bolder.

Honey, I still can't find your wallet.

Gotta love the Chalupa -- Sharkey @ 4:00 am
Alright, I like them Chalupa things as much as the next guy, but this is a bit much. Here's the meat & potatoes:

Dion Rayford, a 270-pound University of Kansas football player, got stuck in the drive-thru window of a Taco Bell when he allegedly tried to charge employees who left a chalupa out of his order. He got stuck when he tried to climb through the 14-by-46-inch drive-thru window, but the window couldn't support Rayford and broke. Rayford was stuck hanging halfway.

My Advantage -- Schmerz @ 1:33 am
Anyone using that money making view bar thing, AllAdvantage?
I'm not, but I found something useful for it if you are.

Its called My Advantage. Its not really a hack... more like the ingenuity and profound improvisation of the AllAdvantage program (okay.. its a hack).

You just go to sleep and put My Advantage and the AllAdvantage view bar on, and it moves your mouse for you and does some other stuff to make sure that the AllAdvantage view bar doesn't stop itself because of lack of activity or something.
Then you just watch the money pour in (if they actually send any money at all).

Eh. Get it here.

Friday, November 19, 1999

A revalation -- Sharkey @ 2:39 pm
I was just sitting here downloading patches for Access, and I realized something. I haven't had a day off in two weeks, and when I did, it was the day I moved into the new place. Heavy lifting up flights of stairs does not a day off make. I don't mind the work though, it was worth it to get the working site up. (no, you can't see it yet). Worst part? I don't have a day off scheduled until the day after Thanksgiving. That's right, I just found out I'm scheduled for tech support duty on Thanksgiving. Think I'm gonna be doing it? Think again. I'm gonna be in Palm-mothafuckin'-Springs.

Quick one... -- Sharkey @ 2:13 pm
I think I'm getting a little too comfortable in this office. A pretty girl needed to use the machine behind me, and after awhile I forgot she was here and let out a big fuckin' belch. Then I remembered and was all "excuse me". Oops. Best part is, she's right behind me now, has no idea wtf I'm doing. Dum-de-dum, you're on the BAMF baby.

Korn powers activate! -- Sharkey @ 1:29 pm
If any of you bought Korn's new album Issues, you would see the winning submissions from MTV's cover art contest. The winner of the contest, Alfredo Carlos, created a cover featuring a limp rag doll with a missing eye and a torn-up abdomen. The cover was spotted by Justin Savage, president of Sabre's Edge, an independent comic studio which produces a comic called Andi. Telling the story of the spirit of an aborted baby who inhabits a discarded rag doll, Andi has a small but loyal fan following across the country. The thing is - the rag doll on Carlos' cover is a dead ringer for Andi. Additionally, the coloring of Carlos' cover is strikingly similar to the coloring on the back cover of Andi: Raggedy Nation.

"We're trying to evaluate whether or not we have a case," Savage says. So, far the consensus seems to be that if it isn't a conscious theft then it's a gargantuan coincidence.

That's a bummer for Korn. Let the fans help you out and end up getting your asses sued.

Source: Daily Buzz

Wicky Wicky White-White-House -- Sharkey @ 12:33 pm
Sweet Lord, I fear for the future:

He saved the life of President Grant in Wild Wild West but now Will Smith wants to be president of the United States. Look for a campaign bid sometime in 2010, Smith told the Sun.

In preparation, Smith plans to spend New Year's with the Clintons. "I'm going to be partying with him, Steven Spielberg and Quincy Jones," he told the Sun. "I think we're going to put on some sort of show for the press - they want me to do something. I don't know what - but it will probably be something stupid."

Today is an odd day to die.. -- Spooky @ 11:06 am
Today is an odd day, meaning that all of the digits are odd, 11-19-1999. The next odd day after today will be 1-1-3111 (over a thousand years away), which we will never see. Days such as 4-13-89 have both even and odd digits, thus, it is neither odd nor even. The next even day will be 2-2-2000 (the first one since 8-28-0888). Now you have a reason to celebrate, as it will be your last odd day on earth!!! Cool..

Mozilla M11 -- wrongforum @ 9:53 am
I just downloaded Mozilla Milestone 11 (alpha of Netscape Communicator 5). Usually I wouldn't post about software (ok, I remember the OS X fiasco), but this is a piece that will probably affect most people's way they look at the internet since the MS ruling will probably slow down IE's marketing machine.

At the very least, the browser looks awesome. It has a really slick interface and is skinnable, although that feature isn't completely working yet. Soon enough you may have a BAMF skin riding on your Communicator5 window! Also, they have reduced the amount of buttons from the top to just 4 - back, forward, stop, and reload. It also has a nifty timer that tells you how long a page takes to load. And it also has a pullover window on the left, a lot like IE does.

Right now it won't load much more than a few words at the top of a page for me, but earlier releases would actually allow me to surf. Also, there are a lot of visual glitches that turn up in the interface when you move bookmarks around, click a certain button, or resize certain windows. It is most definitely not made for the road yet. But it is definitely worth downloading to see what the new monster is all about.

And here is a screenshot.

Hey, people. My girlfriend's in town this weekend, so you'll hear nary a peep from me. You'll hear again from me on Monday, with maybe an incremental update once or twice during the weekend. Over and out.

Introducing the Mofo Mailbag -- wrongforum @ 9:21 am
Boy, I got a lot of mail yesterday. Thanks to all for doing it. Of course I got some weird shit in that pile, along with some good info, but I can't post it all on the main page, because it would take up way too much room. So here is proposal to Sharkey: why don't you set up a "Mofo Mailbag" page so that posters can add e-mail messages they get onto a seperate page? It would be real nice, because I always get some pretty funny stuff.

What, you say you don't think it's a good idea? BWAHAHAHA! Too late! I already did one!

Ladies and Gents, I introduce to you the Mofo Mailbag, edition 1. Have fun.

The Comdex / Linux Expo Honey Of The Show -- Spooky @ 8:41 am
It seemed only fitting that with so many gorgeous women around that I pick one as the Honey Of The Show. Well here she is folks, Melissa, the FreeBSD Babe.

You have to love a girl in red leather pants.. rawr

Comdex / Linux Expo -- Spooky @ 8:34 am
Yes my posts have been rather lame for the past week but alas I am back in town and ready to spew more stuff =)

The first part of this week was spent exploring Comdex. When I say exploring I mean that in the most literal sense. Comdex has long been touted as one of THE technology showcases of the year that everyone in IT/IS should attend. In previous years I tended to agree with this. This year however was a much different story. I would compare it to a carnival. Visitors were treated to look-a-like Spice Girls singing, the Acer Dance Troop and a host of other crap. The big players had gigantic, monolithic booths and 30 people manning them, yet none of them could seem to answer a single question. Not a big suprise but definatly more then a little dissapointing. The Microsoft Partner Pavillion was the worst setup I have ever seen with booth after booth of vaporware polluting the area. Novell surprisingly had an excellent setup. Although I am phasing out Netware at my job I was still curious to see their new technologies and check out the new goodies from them.

I did get to see some very cool MP3 technology. Indash MP3 car stereos, personal players, handhelds etc. Most of what was displayed will not go to market until the begining of next year but the betas were very very sweet.

All in all the Comdex portion of the show was very poor. Now on to the good stuff.... =)

The highlight of the trip came when I got to go to the Linux Expo which was also being held at the same time at the Vegas Hilton. One word, gadz00ks! From the moment I walked into the expo, WHICH WAS FREE BTW, I was elated and felt right at home. Redhat and SlashDot had KILLER setups. Free software ran rampant through the crowd. Several vendors just lofted bean bags out onto the floors for everyone to relax in. Caldera was giving excellent presentations on how to intigrate linux into existing NT/Netware based networks which pleased me to no end. I came away with 6 different releases of Linux to try out and a goodie bag of tons of software and packages. Definatly worth it. So maybe the folks at Comdex were watching, and maybe they can take a few hints from the people running the Linux Expo Show.... who knows. Check out the gaming section later for the inside scoop on all the gaming companies who were present at the shows!

Primate Slapstick! -- Bud @ 2:14 am
I got a couple of pizzas from Pizza Slut, nice of them to hook me up with a Playstation demo disc. I played the Ape Escape demo amd laughed my pastey white ass off. Running around smacking up chimps with a laser sword is a riot. Monkeys are funny in general, but random acts of animated violence against the little buggers is even better! Big ups to the makers of that game.

Intelligent Thought of the Day -- Schmerz @ 1:05 am
If little pink elephants make you horny, you're FUCKED.

Thursday, November 18, 1999

Well, he does look like a scrawny white guy..... -- Sharkey @ 6:19 pm
Somebody must have left the key under Hollywood's doormat, because somehow Michael Jackson found his way back in. He's all set to play Edgar Allen Poe in "The Nightmares of Edgar Allan Poe", set to begin production within two years. Hey, he'll be butt-white by then at the rate he's going. I've seen a better tan on Mabs, and if that boy were any whiter he'd be see-through.

Off to work -- wrongforum @ 3:55 pm
I've been very disappointed in the viewership for the last week. You people just don't e-mail me anymore. It's sad. I feel like you hate me...well hell, if you hated me, I would at least get hate mail. But I get nothing. No funny stories. No "I got my girlfriend pregnant and I'm only 9" questions. Nothing.

Of course, I've been slacking, and that's probably why no mail has been coming my way. I guess I need to stir up some kontroversial subjects, like brushing your teeth with Brill-o pads or the monkey shaving practices of inner city street thugs. You know how hot button those issues are these days. But I digress...

So all you people out there, send me some shit. *Update: big movie files and a dialup modem don't mix. Don't send them.

Suckin' -- Sharkey @ 2:43 pm
Yeah, I know the gaming section is blowin' goats right now. The whole gaming staff got access to other parts of the site and stopped posting there, even though they promised not to. *Leers menacingly*. There were a couple of people who offered help with the gaming section, I might get new people to help me bring it back into the limelight here.

BTW: New Korn album: Just listened to it one time through. Pretty good. I'll need to listen a couple more times before I can give the official thumbs up.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 2:39 pm
Keeping with the Bond girl theme that I was going for (and couldn't keep up with for the past 2 days), here's former Bond girl Teri Hatcher:

Sweet sweet Teri. I miss her. She was really good looking on that "Lois & Clark" show. Then she faded out into near-oblivion. Oh well, at least we've got the memories. Speaking of which: Image 1 :: Image 2 :: Image 3

**UPDATE** Fixed the pics, stupid me misnamed the files**

Gigahertz baby -- Sharkey @ 1:04 pm
Would you pay $2,450 for a 1 Gigahertz machine? Damn skippy you would, and so would I. Well, this bad boy will fulfill that dream. It's a "thermally accelerated" Athlon processor, overclocked basically, to 1 Ghz. Sweet. Didn't see anything about a warranty though, wonder what happens if the damn thing melts on you. Wait, I think I know the answer: you cry like a little girl. Thanks to SPaNK for the tip.

*Sigh* -- Sharkey @ 12:53 am
Them 13 hour days'll kill ya. Especially when you've been putting them in almost every day for the past few weeks. New site we've been working on is almost ready to go, for which I am eternally grateful. That's why I've been kinda quiet the past few days, haven't had as much time to post. Sorry about slices the last couple of days too.

Went to CoCo's this morning after a meeting. Got there right in time for the senior citizen hour. I swear, besides the employees I was the only person there under 50. The stench of impending death almost made me lose my appetite. The waiter was a new guy, and flamingly gay. Excruciatingly gay. In-your-face gay. I mean, I don't have a problem with it, it's your business not mine. But come on, don't encourage the stereotypes kids. This guy was Big Gay Al in a CoCo's uniform. And the worst part was, he was a shitty, shitty waiter. When I want a refill, I want it now, not when you bring my crappy food out in 15 minutes.

Also, I missed the big Blizzard presentation in LA. Sorry Shaggy, the grind was calling. And to those of you who don't know who Shaggy is, he's a good buddy of mine. He also did the review of the new rage album that's up in the music section. If you liked the pic he sent in (and I know you all do) then let him know. He's at [email protected]. Anyway, I'm tired, and I've ranted long enough. Good to see that Bud's alive :)

I'mmm Baaaaack! -- Bud @ 12:25 am
Don't look now, but the bastard child has returned. After a long hard fight with the oppressors that be, I vow to come back with a vengace...Ok so I moved to a new house and lost my posting address. I do still vow to come back with a vengance. I want to say what up to all my peeps at BAMF, I missed all of you. Hola to all the new guys, you are doin' a fine job.
Now, first order of business is my new/ old music review will be up by Satuday. I can't wait to get you hatemail for this one.
Next I would like to say that the pic of that kid a t the dace ws f@#$ing briliant. That little manimal has my total and utter resect. Yes, utter.

Wednesday, November 17, 1999

Success -- Sharkey @ 10:04 pm
HA! A chunk has been taken out of the armor. I'll talk more about it later though, the walls have....eyes. Hello Sunshine.

Damn, I'm not crazy -- wrongforum @ 7:24 pm
You people may think threatening to use an AK on a group of kids and pissing on a wall in cursive counts a person in to be insane, but apparently that is not the case. My insanity percentage only hits 43%, which is still pretty bad, because that means I'm almost half crazy. You would be half crazy too if your wealth test said you were gonna make your first million at the ripe old age of 38. Dammit, I was looking to get mine by 25.

Now I'm off to paint pictures of little dogs (you think I'm kidding).

Men are from Mars, Women are from....Mars? -- Sharkey @ 4:07 pm
Uhmm.....I gotta say that this article is....interesting.

For some reason the word "nanobe" pleases me.

Oogling at school -- Nick @ 12:29 pm
These BAMF posts are going to get me kicked out of school. A group of horny guys in my Cisco class is oogling at the Pimpin' Prom picture a few computers behind me right now. Anyhow, it's never too early to start planning for your Senior Prom. You can too it Seventeen magazine style, or you can do it BadAss style. I think you know what to go by.

Well, that's greeeaaat. -- Sharkey @ 11:04 am
Watch. Watch as your entire morning's work turns into the Windows NT Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams. No one hears mine.

Sea Monkeys.

I am insane -- Sharkey @ 9:20 am
Why the Hell am I awake right now, especially since I just went to sleep a few hours ago? Worse yet, why have I dragged my sorry ass into work?

Two words: Sea Monkeys.

Please hurry -- wrongforum @ 12:24 am
Soon, very soon. I will have a mean and powerful OS very soon.

It's called Mac OS X, the end-all of my love for my Mac. It is also the harbinger of the apocalypse, plays a jolly good game of water polo, and makes deep fried pot stickers right out of the box. Today OS X Develeper's Release 2 came out, and looks good, to say the least. All I gots to say is "finally, built-in support for ftp". If you're a Mac zealot like I am, you'll appreciate these screenshots from X Appeal.

Tuesday, November 16, 1999

BOO-YAH! -- Sharkey @ 11:43 pm
That's all I can say about this treat from Shaggy:

Dude, I may be senior BAMF around here, but that kid is the fuckin' pimp.

ASCII art -- Sharkey @ 11:27 pm
OK, ok, this right here is the coolest ASCII art I've ever seen. It was done using this program, which converts PNG image to a text file. Sweeet. ::Blatently taken from GeekNews::

Damnit! -- Spooky @ 8:09 pm
WHY isn't the rest of the BAMF crew here soaking up this goodness??? Viva Las Vegas banditos!

Its all over -- Sharkey @ 1:38 pm
That does it, we'd better start packing our bags and shutting this place down, because according to some MIT scientist the Internet is doomed to fail. And when that guy talks, the IT industry listens. Bask in his wisdom now:

Negroponte revealed his pedigree by announcing that "in 10 years" there will be edible computers - like pills - "which will act like medical monitors, downloading information about your state of health to a computer you wear"

Out-of-context quote of the day -- wrongforum @ 1:34 pm

"That's all I need. A mere 3 inches." -Ezis

Do you hear the sound of rushing water? -- wrongforum @ 1:15 pm
Heh. Thought of Mox when I saw this one. Have you ever drank a little too much Dr. Pepper before you watched "Schindler's List" while in a locked room with no way to relieve yourself? Well, I have, and it ain't pretty. However, now I can easily write my name in cursive on a wall in piss. But if I had one of these, I wouldn't be nearly as fluent in piss writing as I am today. A quote of testimonial to the Stadium Pal:

" I was not too willing at first but after trying it out I was very impressed. Easy fitting and simple to use. It was great for tailgating before and after the game. No running a half a mile to the nearest bathroom five times before a game. With the Pal it was one trip before the game and a stop off in the stadium on my way to my seats. My friends were a little jealous that I had more time to drink than they did. "

Juice - Age 29
Cincinnati, OH

ooops -- Spooky @ 3:09 am
I left out the bottle of Asti, $40.00. Charged to the room ofcourse...

Comdex... day one.. -- Spooky @ 3:04 am
7 am.. Denny's.. breakfast for two. $15.00...
10:30 am.. Arrive at Comdex.. (many shuttles later)
5-6 hours go by...
4 pm.. Begin to leave Comdex.. (can barely walk)
6 pm.. Shower, shave, dress mofo style..
8 pm.. The Rio.. drinks, gambling, buffet.. $95.00...
11 pm.. We arrive at the Crazy Horse strip club. We are immediatly met by a group of women who walk us to the back of the club. (secretly about to charge 100 bucks for 3 dances..
Walter and Spooky are suckered into the hour long dance session.. $400.00 a person..
2 am.. Monica asks to come back to hotel room with her friend, secretly ofcourse..
3 am.. $500.00 later.. sleep...
Total mofo charges .. $1000.00+ dollars.. Damn, its good to be badass..

Star Wars math -- Mox @ 12:45 am
Alright, lets get this straight. The next Star Wars is a sequel to the prequel. Does that mean that they cancel each other out, and this is just going to be Star Wars?
Lets break it down:

Sequel=1/Prequel
Prequel(Star+Wars)*Sequel(Star+Wars)=You guessed it: Frank Stallone.

Monday, November 15, 1999

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 11:44 pm
A little belated, but here's new Bond girl Sophie Marceau:

Ahhh, Sophie. Maybe we should have some sort of Bond girl week. How does that sound to you guys? Yeah, I thought so. In the meantime, here are some sweet-ass pics of Sophie.

Image 1 :: Image 2 :: Image 3 :: Image 4

No explanation -- wrongforum @ 10:45 pm

Assorted monkeybizness -- wrongforum @ 10:00 pm
Its time to break out my link stick, and beat the livin' hell outta you. WHACK! WHACK!

On the *legal* mp3 tip, I gots ya some treets for beats. For the independent soul, check out Epitonic for some down home electronic and rap noises. They even sort by label (however, no Mo' Wax yet, dammit). If you like the more mainstream music, cruise over to Rioport and pick up some really cool shit, like this unbelievably cool Mix Master Mike ditty. Don't ever say I never gave you nuthin' for Christmas.

I'm a sucker. Wanna know why? My ego still swells like a fat girl's ankles when somebody mentions my name (even in passing and for no apparent reason) in a post on their web site. It's obvious that they must be good. So Get Back at the Man before he gets you first. These guys post like every minute of the day - it took me like thirty minutes just to read through half of one day's posting. Actually, I was preoccupied with eating chicken legs and hot sauce, but still.

Disney's next scam -- Sharkey @ 7:51 pm
Lookee here. One of our loyal readers (no doubt an insider at Disney) has tapped into their latest proposal for their new logo, now that they've been ordered to cease all use of their "GO" logo:

Oh my God, they killed Wendy! -- Sharkey @ 6:15 pm
Whoa, the actress who did all of the female voices except for Bebe on South Park died on Friday of an apparent suicide. She was 38 years old. Along with the South Park voices, she also voiced Snow White, numerous characters in Phantom Menace, and Mrs. Butterworth. Dammit, not Mrs. Butterworth! How will I live without her sticky-sweet syrup on my pancakes? The sugary-glazed goodness....gone, all gone. We will mourn you Mrs. Butterworth, YOU WILL BE AVENGED!!!... *Sob*

Dumbasses -- Sharkey @ 5:33 pm
Thats all I've got to say about this

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikk up. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Its coming.... -- Sharkey @ 5:19 pm
Slice of the Day, its on the way. Why don't I go roll in the hay, mold stuff with clay, hey, I just may.

Dammit.

Disney loses -- Sharkey @ 1:30 pm
What is this, kick big brother in the ass week? First Microsoft, now Disney. If we piss off any more bigwigs, we're gonna wind up in the collective shitter. Here's the important bit:

Walt Disney Co. can no longer use its traffic light logo for the Go.com Internet site because the image resembles the logo used by the similarly named GoTo.com. In February, GoTo.com sued Disney and Infoseek Corp., the entertainment company's Internet partner, saying the Go Network emblem confuses consumers. U.S. District Judge Terry Hatter agreed Friday, issuing a preliminary injunction that forces Disney to change its logo.

New Voodoo Specs -- Sharkey @ 12:59 pm
You know you want 'em:

Voodoo 4 4500
PCI, AGP bus support, one VSA-100, 32MB VRAM, two pixels per clock cycle, 333-367 million pixels per second (MPps), US price $179.

Voodoo 5 5000
PCI bus support, two VSA-100s, 64MB VRAM, four pixels per clock cycle, 667-733MPps, US price $229.

Voodoo 5 5500
AGP bus support, two VSA-100s, 64MB VRAM, four pixels per clock cycle, 667-733MPps, US price $299.

Voodoo 5 6000
AGP bus support, four VSA-100s, 128MB VRAM, eight pixels per clock cycle, 1.33-1.47 billion pixels per second (GPps), US price $599.

VOODOO 5???? -- wrongforum @ 11:16 am
3dfx named its new evil Voodoo cards today at Comdex, dubbed Voodoo4 and Voodoo5! Know why I'm happy? SUPPORTED MAC DRIVERS!!!! YEEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWWW!!!!

*cough* Slice of the Day *cough* -- Schmerz @ 1:38 am
You aren't doug, so don't act like him.

Are you sure?

*Big cheesy grin*
*Confidently tells Sharkey and BadassMofo's visitors about my day at school and how I so badly need some Microsoft program. Blah blah*

Last cryptic post, I promise. Blame the frogs! Its their fault for beating us.

Damn it.

Comdex -- Sharkey @ 1:14 am
Hey, waitasecond. Shaggy and I were planning on going to Comdex this weekend. WTF happened with that Shagbot? It was like a plan one day, then dissapeared the next. Hmph. I coulda been in Vegas this weekend, kickin' it with Shaggy and Spooky. Drinkin', gambling, Comdex. I can't beleive I forgot.

Oh, and wrongforum, Napster rules. I just tried it for the first time tonight, and I haven't stopped downloading since.

And to Schmerz: Enough with the friggin' cryptic posts. You aren't doug, so don't act like him(Ooh...dissed) :)

Napster, blah, napster, blah -- wrongforum @ 12:42 am
Everybody's talking about it. Everybody loves it. Everybody's happy.

Fuck you, napster, goddammit.

You wanna know why? No Mac version. Damn the whole world to hell! Give me some napster action now!!! How am I gonna complete my Rufus Wainwright bootleg collection without it? I ask you again, HOW????

Soon, my friends -- wrongforum @ 12:26 am
Fuck you, Midsouth Connections (my ISP). I am sick and tired of waiting for ftp access to my "web space", which is only 2 damn megs. It's just a nail in the coffin, I say. I've been looking to switch ISP's, and Earthlink has a good deal where I get a free webcam just for signing up. Anybody out there got any juice on Earthlink? I wanna know what I'm getting myself into.

Anyway, I was sick of not being able to post my own pics and whatnot, because of those bitches over at Midsouth. Now I will exact my revenge. I set up at Virtual Avenue and got me some goddamn space, so now I can bring monster content (i.e. nekkid pics of Ezis' mom, etc.) to the site. Monster is the key word in that last sentence.

Did you people forget about MADASS? Of course not....

Earthlink was always good to me when I was with 'em. If you can't get cable, Earthlink is pretty good. --Sharkey

Lyrics Schmirics -- Schmerz @ 12:25 am
I came across a funny site, Lyrics Schmirics.
The author of the page tries to analyse some song lyrics and comes up with some funny results.

Check out the Britney Spears and Red Hot Chili Peppers analysis thingys.

'Narf.

Bundy Sunday Gun-Day -- Sharkey @ 12:00 am
Who remembers that episode? Anyway, go check out the Goose Decoy Blind, and satisfy the hunter in you. That thing is so insanely stupid, it makes me proud to be one of the non-tard members of the human race. I actually feel better about myself after looking at it. Thanks to Martin Finn for pointing me in its direction.

Sunday, November 14, 1999

Swank. -- Sharkey @ 9:16 pm
I finished building my new computer desk last night, and spent the rest of my time re-arranging my room (until 6AM). Now my room kicks some mammoth amounts of ass. My new speakers work pretty good, too.

Went to visit my mom and my sister today. My mom did a ton of my laundry for me (thanks mom), and revealed that she got her Internet access back, so she's been reading up on her MoFo lore. In case you missed this week, there was porn, news, ranting, and more porn. I think I'll have to stick a special cookie on her machine so that she can't read certain posts. >:)

Hopefully (please God, please!) my cable modem will be back and in full effect within the next couple of days. I got a couple more requests for the plate frames too. As soon as my damn e-mail is back running on my home machine, I can send everyone who ordered them the info.

Re: Fan Mail -- Sharkey @ 8:05 pm
Hey, don't bag on Blake man. Although if you do, rag on his hair. It's so spiky you could throw him into a velcro ceiling and he'd stick.

Blah -- Schmerz @ 1:50 am
Hey, I got some fan mail.

From: blake bastin [[email protected]]
To: [[email protected]]
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 1999 10:26 PM
Subject: schh

your a dumbass

Just wondering -- Schmerz @ 12:56 am
Whats the penalty for killing people named Bill, with a spoon?

Solo's looking for a roomie -- wrongforum @ 12:10 am
Look out folks, Solo wants a roommate. And he wants to buy a digital camera, too.

Hmm... Am I the only one who sees the connection?

Actually, the only reason I mention it is because my family lives near him, and I have thought many times of moving down there to escape my woes and become a momma's boy again. No rent, good food, warm bed. Damn, I'm making myself homesick.

And Solo, you wouldn't want to live with me, anyway. I'm a dirty sonuvabitch.

Saturday, November 13, 1999

Afternoon Delight -- Spooky @ 3:06 pm
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
**stuffy voice**
twig - room service how may I help you?
spooky - uhm yeah I'd like a burger
twig - *sigh* what kiiiiind of burger *sir*
spooky - uhm a burger? with cheese and stuff..
twig - 15 dollars will be charged to your room. Thank you.
*click*

Bungee Jump -- Schmerz @ 2:41 pm
Saw this at Roosh:

The first bungee jump of the new millennium, being staged at the Nevis Highwire site in Queenstown, on New Zealand's South Island, will be auctioned to raise funds for charity, event organisers said. The jump is expected to be broadcast to more than one billion people in 55 countries via a New Zealand television station's millennium day broadcast, which is being featured on television shows around the world.

For some reason Schlyer thinks this also means that they will be the first to die on new the millennium.

You know, Queenstown is within my reach. I'll be there... with a chainsaw.

Superbad Cats -- Schmerz @ 2:34 pm
Hey. Try this.

1) Spray cat with Lynx bottle.
2) Light match.

I personally haven't tried this before but I bet it would be fun.
Better than some orange piece of bullshit that breathes fire.

You know, I saw this guy buy a single rare Pokemon card for like $200.
Fuck. I just need to get ahold of one of those cards, make lots of copies and then I'd be FUCKING RICH.
What would I do with the money? Buy more rare Pokemon cards, then sell them for more cash! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Heh..heh..

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 1:39 pm
Dogma

Definitely a Kevin Smith movie, from start to finish. This is one of the best movies I've seen this year. (This has been a pretty good year for movies, eh?) The movie is standard Smith fare, thought-provoking ideas/story coupled with smart-ass comedy. If you don't know the story already, I'll give you the Reader's Digest version. Two angels who were tossed out of Heaven are sent an anonymous tip, a loophole in the Bible that would allow them back into the pearly gates. Little do they know that by doing so, all existence on the planet would seek to exist. The voice of God charges Linda Fiorentino with the Holy Crusade to stop them, with Jay and Silent Bob as her protectors. This movie is so funny at times. Kevin Smith loves to put in tips of the hat to big movies, and his previous movies. Dante and Randall (Clerks) make cameos as well. If you loved the other Smith movies, see this one.

Gotta choke 'em all -- Sharkey @ 1:05 pm
Seriously, I gotta stop using that stupid tagline. And dammit, this better be the last Pokemon related post. This is a good one though, bear with me:

Hasbro Inc was named as a defendant in a $100 million wrongful death lawsuit. The legal action was filed by Adrienne and Kevin Braizer, whose seven-year-old autistic son Robert allegedly choked on a Pok�mon Power Bouncer. They claim that the clear rubber ball that measures 1.72 inches in diameter presents a serious choking hazard to children. �I can't believe that a huge corporation with billions of dollars like Hasbro would continue to make this toy when they know it kills children,� said Kevin Brazier.

In response, toy company issued the following statement: �The product meets all federal regulations. Approximately 8 million of these balls have been played with by children throughout the world without a similar incident.�

Re: Pokemon -- Sharkey @ 12:54 pm
Pokeyourmom? Actually, I watched that show one time. If I was a kid, I'd probably be into it. I was big into the anime-style cartoons back in the day (ie:Voltron) and those little animal things kicking the piss out of one another would have been my cup of tea. Although, those card games are pretty gay. I would have used them to make money though, like I did with POGS. Remember POGS? They banned them from my school because of me. I was pulling in no less than 20 bucks per day in junior high, because I'd play somebody for their "slammers", win, and sell it back for a buck. Ingenuity at its greatest.

Sorry that you're wrong -- wrongforum @ 12:19 pm
Sorry, dude. Pokemon = badass. It' s a shame I have to break the news to you. I thought it was a no-brainer - pets that breathe fire = superbad. Just ask Pinky the Cat.

Bullshit -- Schmerz @ 1:43 am
Cute, my arse.

Jessy looks like a crackwhore and James looks and sounds like some kind of misplaced Canadian that blows goats.

"Team rocket is blowing goats again!!"

Now if Pokemon had sex, drugs and Mongolian monkeys, it might not be so bad...

I don't see it -- wrongforum @ 12:46 am
I don't see anything wrong with the Pokemon thing. They're actually kinda neat. Like monkeys with super powers - instead of flinging feces, they fling radioactive balls of plasma. That's not so bad. And THEY'RE SO CUTE!!!!

Friday, November 12, 1999

re: Sega -- Spooky @ 10:42 pm
I just want to note that I did predict the Dreamcast & Sega would fail. It is a bummer, the Dreamcast was cool and Sega seemed as though they would be putting out some consoles with potential, but alas, they fall... =)

Comdex Mofo Style -- Spooky @ 10:28 pm
Well mofos, tomorrow morning I fly off to the gambling mecca of the world to attend Comdex. I will be posting daily and keeping everyone informed of any badass items. If you know of a particular exhibitor you want me to check out while I am there and I will swing by and pick up what I can. Anyways, adios...

Spendin' the Benjamins -- Sharkey @ 6:06 pm
Went to the computer store (ie:toy store) and bought myself a kick-ass computer desk today. And as a bonus, I got the Cambridge Four-Point Surround speakers. I was gonna get the Desktop Theatre 5.1, but that thing won't fit anywhere in my room.

Going to see Dogma tonight. Mabs said something about going, but he hasn't called me back. I just realized that I haven't put up reviews of any of the movies I've seen lately. Maybe I should make it short 'n sweet:

Bone Collector: Not bad. Could have been a bit better, but it was worth seeing. Mox, there was no stump and no Dennis Leary you jackhole.
Three Kings: Pretty damn good.
Pokemon: Heh, just kidding.

Error messages -- Sharkey @ 3:22 pm
Heh-heh-heh:

:: click for better quality version ::

Sega throws in the towel -- Sharkey @ 3:13 pm
Well, almost throws in the towel. Seems Sega is giving up consoles permanently. Sega Enterprises chairman, Isao Okawa, apparently told a audience gathered together at the Okawa Foundation that Dreamcast, Sega's 128-bit, WindowsCE-based next-generation console would be the company's last. "I will say that the future doesn't necessarily lie in the hardware business," said Okawa. "I think in the future there is the possibility of Sega becoming a software-only company...Even if Dreamcast does sell, we will make that shift."

This is kind of a bummer for Sega fans, and gamers everywhere. While Sega is not my favorite console company, they make some good stuff, and I'll be sad to see them go. While Sega doesn't have any plans to kill off the Dreamcast, it obviously won't be replacing it with a Dreamcast 2.

You can read more about these developments here.

Swank. -- Sharkey @ 1:56 am
Yeah, yeah. That's all anyone sees today. Pr0n. You can't look deeper into...*clicks on Nell pic*..... luscious... sweet.... *AHEM* Where were we?

Ah yes, and quit talking about the monkeys Schmerz, you're going to ruin my surprise.

Turn that frown upside down. -- Mox @ 1:36 am
My mac is happy once again - no thanks to any of you a-holes out there. (Actually, everyone that wrote me was right, I am just too damned smart and had figured the shit out already). So anyway, I turn on my computer for the first time what do I see - we're finally full-on porn. I've been saying this forever and finally somebody listened, - we need to concentrate on the porn. Forget everything else bedides midget ponies and porn - mix the fuckers if you have to - but that's all people really want. So what did I do without my computer for the past week - besides having to get off my ass and go to Blockbuster for my soft-porn o' the day? Well, being the resident drunk, I think I found us an official BAMF beer. I won't reveal the name just yet, but I'll give you their slogan - 'You're not worthy' - and you know what....you're not.

Woohoo! -- Schmerz @ 12:49 am
Significant Other MP3s all on one handy dandy page and a bunch of "artistic" representations of Nell McAndrew.

Could your internet life get any better?

I like monkeys.

Special Slice action -- Sharkey @ 12:18 am
I shouldn't get into the habit of this, but hey, I enjoyed them, you should too. Here are those Nell McAndrew Playboy shots I promised:

OK, here are the rest, have at 'em:

Image 1 Image 2 Image 3 Image 4 Image 5 Image 6 Image 7 Image 8 Image 9 Image 10 Image 11

Thursday, November 11, 1999

Limp Bizkit in da house -- Sharkey @ 10:50 pm
Just got word from Word about his new Limp Bizkit site. It's pretty swank, not only does he have all the lyrics, he's got the entire Significant Other album to download in mp3 format.

Holy shinola -- Sharkey @ 10:27 pm
Finally took a look at the stats for today. Looks like a couple hundred of you came from R33T today. Thanks to Seros for the plug over there.

While we're on the subject of unrelated notes (does that work? Ah, who cares.), I would like to say that Mox is a lazy bitch. And on another note, Mabs is an even lazier bitch. I'm sure at least a couple of you sent him ideas to post about on his vacation, but that punkass hasn't even checked his e-mail.

When will you croak? -- Sharkey @ 8:53 pm
Remember TheSpark's death test? Thought it was a bit inaccurate? MSNBC has one up that takes more of a scientific approach.

I like monkeys -- Schmerz @ 8:22 pm
Baa.

Check out these cool website spoofs.

Ahhh, may as well -- Sharkey @ 7:37 pm
I found Nell's pics from a spread that she did in a certain... "artistic" magazine that most of you may know well. Look for 'em here later.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:34 pm
Today we feature Nell McAndrew, who you may know as the Tomb Raider girl:

I've never seen a better looking video game character. Want more? Figured so. Click *hmya*, and *hmya*, and *hmya*. And howsabout one more for good measure.

Diablo II -- Sharkey @ 6:49 pm
Got some info on Diablo II over in the gaming section, go have a look if you're interested.

Grrr.... -- Sharkey @ 5:43 pm
Internet connection here at work is acting up. Sum'bitch. Don't worry, SotD is forthcoming.

I'm Still Here!! -- Captain Terror @ 3:03 pm
I've been getting tons of mail from loyal capsters asking me where I've been. Well, I haven't left. The last few weeks of football have been busy as hell and I haven't had time for the usual postings and it looks like the Capster's football team will be going to CIF. So, the season is almost over and I'll be get back to the usual postings and game reviews in a bit. And lesbians rejoice, I'll be reviewing Xena next. Thanks for all the mail.
C.T.

Gotta stab 'em all -- Sharkey @ 12:51 pm
Well, looks like another kid got stabbed over Pokemon cards. This time it was in New York. Seems the kid stabbed his friend with a kitchen knife when he feared he was being cheated out of a favorite card. Oh yeah, healthy.

In other Pokemon news, the Times Square Pokemon billboard was sold on eBay yesterday for $1,225. The billboard was 25ft. x 40ft, and all proceeds went to the Boys and Girls Club.

Terminator 4? -- Sharkey @ 12:44 pm
Seems that Kassar and Vajina are set to produce not one, but two Terminator sequels. The first will start production next year with a 2001 target release date. Shortly thereafter, production on the fourth installment of the series will begin.

Although neither series star Arnold Schwarzenegger or original director/co-writer James Cameron are currently involved, the producers plan to go ahead with the project. �I'd love for Arnold to be in it,� said Kassar, �but we're not at that point yet.�

�The fourth movie is going to be set in the future, after the nuclear conflagration has ended,'' said James Middleton, an executive in Kassar and Vajna�s C-2 banner who headed up script development for both films. �The setting will be that apocalyptic world you saw in both of the first two films. The third will lead you into the fourth, and [resistance leader] John Connor will be the lead in both of those movies, which follow and expend his character. There will be a protector Terminator, and an antagonist machine.�

The things you own end up owning you -- wrongforum @ 12:10 pm
Okay, so I went and saw Fight Club again last night. But that's what got me thinking today. I am a Mac user (if ya didn't already know), and of course, at one point was a "MacCommunist," willing to advocate the Mac platform at all costs. I got on the web when I first got this G3, and quickly my bookmarks in Netscape were filled with mac info sites, mac rumor sites, mac this, mac that. Hey, if you spend over $2400 on a computer, and that was your first major purchase ever, you would be that way, too.

But then, after a short while, I began to see this weird phenomenon show up in my life. I'll show you the logical progression, and let you people out there extrapolate the significance-

buy computer -> get on internet -> look up stuff about the computer -> buy more stuff for the computer -> look up more stuff about the computer -> buy more stuff for the computer -> look at rumors concerning my computer -> buy more stuff for the computer....

Mind you, I bought this computer for school work as a graphic design student. But I found myself spending like 90% of that time searching through technology sites about my computer, so it could work better, be cooler, blah, blah, blah. I soon began to realize how this whole "internet revolution" feeds itself by eating itself. It's like buying a car and being so infatuated with what it does that you never drive it.

Sure, I use the internet for information and news. Actually, for news I just go to Slashdot. For real news, I go out and buy a Time or Wired mag. It seems that the net is really suited for getting the info out quickly, while dead trees are best for informative writing, mainly because I can read it in my bathroom while taking a superbad dump. Personally, I'm sick of being trapped behind a computer screen when I want information from the net. And sure, a laptop would increase my reach to the bathroom, but please - I'd have to still be hunched over a keyboard and mouse. I say give me a Rocketbook with wireless internet access, and you've got an instant market. But I digress...

What I do now on the web is read a lot of opinions and commments on e/n kommunity sites, which is a different horse altogether. I wanted to get a more human feeling from the net than how bad this or that video card or how big this or that hard drive is. But lo and behold, I hardly find what I'm looking for in the kommunity, either.

What I want to say is, I am constantly shocked by the lack of real meaning in content on the net. And content, kiddies, is not "Hi. My football team won today! Yay! Bye." I find that the kommunity, at times, fails miserably at providing any thoughtful content (myself included). It's not like we need a frickin' "I'm deep, listen to me" kind of attitude, because that is counter to what the kommunity is really good at - quirky and psychotic observations on mundane matters.

Hell, I don't have a solution. I'm just making an observation that bothers me. And that's why I get paid the big bucks.

Read this now -- wrongforum @ 12:08 am
I'll tell you once, and no more. Go out and get Mos Def's new album Black on Both Sides. It is goddamn awesome. I've had the chorus to "Ms. Fat Booty" in my head for a week now, and it just keeps getting better and better.

A moment for us... -- Sharkey @ 12:06 am
Heh, ^ blatently stolen. You know guys, I've learned something today. Nothing drives hits through the damn roof like naked pics of Shannon Elizabeth.

Wednesday, November 10, 1999

License plate frames -- Sharkey @ 9:28 pm
Well, since my beloved cable modem is out of comission (stupid lazy cable guy), I can't really reply to everyone who requested the frames. I can, however, port all those e-mail addys onto Mabs' machine tonight, and then reply. Don't worry, the order will go through, and you guys will get plates, and Pauly Shore will still be a loser. Hey, some things in life are just set by destiny. Expect that e-mail from me soon.

Last sign of the apocalypse -- Sharkey @ 9:16 pm
Well, place your heads firmly between your knees and kiss your asses goodbye. We have obviously angered God, because He is wreaking vengeance upon us. Jar-Jar will be in Episode II. All is lost.

"While George Lucas is still working on the script for the next film, and the start of general casting is still several months away, several actors are already clearing their schedules to be available for filming in Australia and on location next summer. Among them, we�re happy to confirm, is Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks, who will be rejoining Ewan McGregor (playing Obi-Wan Kenobi) and Natalie Portman (as Queen Amidala) for Star Wars: Episode II."

Mobile phone gives man a stroke -- Sharkey @ 5:27 pm
OK kids, today we're going to learn a very valuable lesson. Pay attention:

A psychiatrist almost died because he held his telephone in the wrong position, doctors said yesterday. The 43-year-old Frenchman suffered a stroke after talking to a patient for over an hour with the phone receiver held between his ear and shoulder.
A neurologist in Paris said: "This case shows us that everyday activities with a prolonged distortion of the neck, such as holding the phone between your ear and shoulder, can have unpredictable consequences for some people. The patient had experienced no more symptoms since the stroke. But now he avoids holding the phone between his ear and shoulder."

Yes! -- Sharkey @ 2:05 pm
Alright! I only have to work 8 hours today like a normal person! .....Shut up. At least I get overtime you bastards. Good to see that you all liked those Shannon Elizabeth pics. And like Mabs said, its not porn, its art. My favorite kind of art actually.

Shannon Elizabeth -- Nick @ 9:44 am
It's about damn time Shannon Elizabeth is a SOTD. I didn't think it would be right if I nominated her. She's been filming a new teen horror spoof movie up in Canada called "Scary Movie," formerly called "Last Summer I Screamed Because Friday the 13th Fell on Halloween." I haven't heard from Shannon in a while, but I talk with her boyfriend every day (literally) through e-mail and on the phone.

Not our mailbag -- wrongforum @ 8:43 am
But it's funny nonetheless. I was reading through the new issue of Time this morning when I came across a letter sent in to their reader mail page. It's obvious that the editors over at Time thought it was funny, and printed it.

TWO YEARS OBSESSING

Hey! I am a huge 'N Sync fan, and something you said about 'N Sync and Backstreet Boys kind of upset me - that "they'll both be forgotten in six months" [People, Oct. 18]. I agree about Backstreet Boys, but 'N Sync? Please!

I will never be able to forget these guys, due in part to the 103 posters on my walls and ceilings. Yeah, I know I'm 18 and able to vote to decide who runs this country, but I have spent the past two years obsessing over 'N Sync, and believe me, I'm more likely to forget my name than I am Joey's time of birth or what hospital Justin was born in. So don't say that I'm going to forget them, because it's not gonna happen. (Melissa Demetro - Simsbury, Conn.)

Extra Special Slice -- Sharkey @ 1:42 am
Let me see, what have we here? I was cruising around, stopped into Longview and I came across these pics of Shannon Elizabeth.

WARNING: 18 and over!

Image 1 Image 2 Image 3 Image 4 Image 5 Image 6 Image 7 Image 8

Help. -- Sharkey @ 1:27 am
Seriously. I got this friend, let's just call him Lazy Bitch. Ahh, forget it, its Mabs. Mabs is being one extremely lazy bastard. He's on vacation for the next week or so, and I need you guys to motivate his sorry ass. Send him something, anything to post about. If he's got a subject worth posting about, he probably will. So please, lend a hand to a slacker.

Tuesday, November 09, 1999

(modem noise here) -- wrongforum @ 11:49 pm
What the fuck. 1.7Kb? I have the worst connection known to man.

Prantagonize -- Sharkey @ 11:19 pm
Seriously, I forgot about this awesome site. Prantagonize fuckin' rules. Check out 36 Stitches, and Popcorn. Two of my favorites.

Y2Gay -- Sharkey @ 10:32 pm
Ok, here's an interesting article, and I'd like you to at least read the first few paragraphs. Don't worry, I'll still be here at the end of them.

Japan's largest consumer electronics maker will ban all 280,000 employees from making business trips by air at the turn of the millennium, a company spokesman said Wednesday.

The measure by Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. will apply to all worldwide employees from Dec. 31 to Jan. 1, said Matsushita spokesman Akira Kadota.

Kadota said Osaka-based Matsushita Electric will take the precautionary measure on concern that computer failures may occur during the period.

Blowing Bubbles -- Spooky @ 8:30 pm
A new strain of virii is starting to make its way through email systems everywhere. VBS/Bubbleboy is the most innovative virii to date. Unfortunatly this is as far from a hoax as you can get.

VBS/Bubbleboy is a NEW type of worm: Unlike previous worms transmitted through email, this new type of worm does not come as an executable attachment. Instead, VBS/Bubbleboy infects PCs as soon as the transmitting email message is opened. This is a VERY significant innovation! Virus researchers have long assured the public that it is not possible to contract a virus or worm merely by opening and reading an email message. This is no longer true, and VBS/Bubbleboy marks the beginning of a more dangerous computing environment.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 8:26 pm
As per Roosh's request, today's first slice will be Denise Richards:

Greenpeace sucks -- Sharkey @ 6:14 pm
Heh, I don't think I need to comment on this one:

Thar she blows!

Bow to the Turkish stud -- Sharkey @ 6:08 pm
Alright everyone, you must check out the Turkish Stud in Flash! If you haven't got a load of the Turkish stud, then you're missing out. R33T featured him a week or two ago. Apparently he didn't say all that stuff, but it was damn funny anyways.

Damn it back Solo -- Sharkey @ 3:37 pm
Damn it, I've had no sleep this week, and an insane amount of work. I can't even remember my name, let alone who's posting what. I'm lucky I remembered to come to work. Wait, maybe I'm not. And I wasn't bitching. I was....expressing myself.

And if you call me Sharky, I'll have to call you.... uh.... uhm..... fuck. My wit gland has burnt out. Must get sleep.

A Jew with an afro -- wrongforum @ 3:23 pm
Actually, that's one of the compliments he gave himself. Of course, he said "afro" was short for "hermaphrodite". Who am I speaking of. you ask? Why it is Prince Paul's new protege, MC Paul Barman. What a funny mofo. His music and rhymes are somewhere between Tom Green and Weird Al. I don't guess that leaves much room for guesswork in the music department, but it's mighty damn funny if you ask me.

The only single he has out now is The Joy of Your World, which can be found on his website, or you can download it from the link above offa his site. I must warn you though - the first line in the song is "I'm hung like a birthmark."

Thora Thora Thora -- Sharkey @ 2:03 pm
Dammit Solo, I didn't say that I won't post the pics, I just said that there weren't many good ones. If I can find her American Beauties, I will share. No promises, but I shall try. In the meantime, check out this pic of Thora from the upcoming Dungeons and Dragons movie. She looks pretty good in that gold armor. *Slaps hand* (she's only 17, she's only 17...) She'll be playing the young Empress Savina, and she looks prepped to kick a little ass. Just in case you didn't know, the movie will also star Jeremy Irons and Justin Whalin. It is scheduled to be released next year.

Also, for those of you who can't wait for young Ms. Birch to become non-forbidden, then you should check out the Thora Birch Countdown to Legality. Four months to go. Thanks to John for that one.

Random tidbit: Aside from starring in the Harrison Ford/Jack Ryan/Tom Clancy movies, she was also in the 1994 classic Monkey Trouble, where she played opposite a feces-flinging monkey, which helped skyrocket her career into what it is today. I don't think a monkey can hurt anyone's career. Just look at that Matt LeBlanc guy from Friends, he was in that monkey movie and I bet he has to fight off movie deals with a stick. Just like Carrot Top, Pauly Shore, and that fat kid from Small Wonder.

Damn damn damn -- Sharkey @ 1:44 pm
First off: Damn cable company! The guy wouldn't run cable lines under the carpet, so no cable in my room which also means no cable modem. Fuck that, I'm having someone come in, tear a damn hole in the wall, and put that cable line into that room ASAFP.

Secondly: Damn Zip drive! Stupid POS isn't installing on this machine. Crap crap crap crap crap. Installshield won't even run, WTF is up with that?

Thirdly: Dammit, I'm tired! 14 hours of work yesterday, 14 today, 8 tomorrow, 14 on Thursday, 8 on Friday, etc.... and 4 hours of sleep. It's lemony-fresh.

Enough complaining for me. I'm starting to sound like Mabs. (Who is on vacation at the new place w/Haus right now, drinking and sleeping. Bastard.)

Monday, November 08, 1999

You know you're a redneck when... -- Schmerz @ 11:27 pm
You scroll down the entire BadAssMofo main page and don't find a single Slice of the Day.
I'm hungry Sharkey! Need more pie.

Also, when people put up posters and stuff on the walls of public toilets next to urinals, its fun to piss on them and see how wet you can get them.
In fact, if nobody is around, get drunk and just start piss'n everywhere. Its fun to mess up public toilets. After all, you're never going to use one twice, right? Do whatever the hell you want, but never look at another bloke's dick.

Crappitty crap crap -- Sharkey @ 11:08 pm
OK, due to the fact that there are almost no pictures of Thora Birch that don't make me feel like a pedo, I'm holding off SotD 'til tomorrow, when I will give you a double dose for being so patient.

Re: Thora -- Sharkey @ 8:23 pm
And the responses:

From: David Garrett
To: [email protected]
Re: Thora Birch

According to the IMDB, Thora was born on 11 March, 1982 which would indeed make
her 17 years old. I believe that this date is accurate for the following
reason. On AICN, (http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=4434) Harry
did an interview with the two girls in American Beauty, in which he confirms
that Thora is only 17.

The talk back section is filled with comments about underage nudity, and some
commenters point out that parental consent is necessary for minors, and that
this is not the first time underage performers have appeared naked on film.
(Milla in "Return to the Blue Lagoon" and Nastasia Kinski in "To The Devil A
Daughter."

So, to confirm, yes, she is underage, and yes that really is her.

I hope that sheads some light on the situation.

Dave

Next Friday -- Sharkey @ 8:13 pm
Hells Yeah, I can't wait for Next Friday to hit the theatres. In the meantime, why don't you check out the trailer, its pretty sweet.

Re: Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 6:43 pm
Its coming, just wait. Its a little harder to filter through pics when I'm at work. Be patient, I know you can do it.

Valiant is BACK, baby -- wrongforum @ 6:23 pm
It's like a dream-come-true kinda situation. The only comic book company I ever read back in the day was Valiant Comics (which was bought by Acclaim, the videogame makers some time ago and changed to Acclaim Comics). The MAN, Jim Shooter, is coming back to revive the old characters and to write them again. Hallelujah! Check out the story here. Anybody that ever read those mags before know how unbelievably great this is. Jim Shooter is the only reason Valiant was good in the first place.

While this is good news for comic fans, I wouldn't count on it lasting very long. Shooter has a well-known reputation for the way he runs companies .....into the ground. While I always loved his stuff, he was an ass, and an extremely egotistical ass at that. One of the many reasons Valiant went down the first time. This won't be quite as good big as it was last time, people won't be so quick to buy into it nowadays. I can't wait to see how this plays out. -- Sharkey

Revenge is sweet -- Sharkey @ 5:27 pm
Ever feel like getting back at someone in the worst way? Around 15-20 bucks plus shipping and handling will get it for you. Check it out at dogdoo.com. Thanks to Shaggy for that one.

Anyone care to comment? -- Sharkey @ 5:11 pm
Where's that damn mailbag? Ahh, here we go:

Re: Thora Birch

I though American Law (no pun intended) didn't allow minors to have nudity in movies

yet she did a topless scene... so, is she really forbidden?

Jay

Squirrel Hazing -- Nick @ 4:59 pm
You see it every spring...squirrels racing in front of cars, squirrels taunting cats, squirrels chasing dogs, and squirrels stuffing their faces until their cheeks are on the verge of exploding. Pretty normal squirrel behavior, right? Think again.

Pluggitty plug -- Sharkey @ 4:04 pm
Stuff to check out:

Aphexion: Pretty cool site. They're right, looks pretty crappy in Netscape. Use IE.
From CornCob over at Roosh, a video of him doin' his soapshoe thang.
Eat a little Red Meat. Its what's for dinner.

Pimpin' ain't easy -- Sharkey @ 3:38 pm
Caught this one off of Ars-Technica. Seems that men will soon be extinct. That's right ladies, the planet will be all yours soon. Break out the Birkenstocks and Indigo Girls albums, because our shrinking Y chromosomes won't be around forever.

Real is still watching you... -- Sharkey @ 1:57 pm
Remember how I told you last week that Real Networks was using a unique identifier in RealJukebox to track information about you and the music you listen to? Well, apparently RealPlayer does it too.

In case you couldn't tell.... -- Sharkey @ 1:50 pm
I'm back and in full effect baby, and I ain't takin' any prisoners.

Rodman vs Electra -- Sharkey @ 1:49 pm
The Smoking Gun has got the full lowdown on the Dennis Rodman/Carmen Electra fight that happened in a Miami Beach hotel the other day. Here's the meat & potatoes:

As you might have heard, lovebirds Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra just got busted in Miami Beach following a hotel room brawl which left Electra with a fat lip and a bloody toe. Rodman (230 pounds) and Electra (110 pounds) each accused the other of starting the November 5th rumble at South Beach's tres swanky Bentley Hotel. Electra (real name: Tara Patrick) told cops that The Worm turned violent when a Limp Bizkit video appeared on MTV. The former "Baywatch" star has been linked romantically with Fred Durst, the hardcore band's gnomish, tattoed singer. The fight, detailed in this Miami Beach Police Department report, resulted in battery charges being filed against both celebrity combatants.

The X-Files is still going? -- Sharkey @ 1:29 pm
For those of you who still care, there's a bunch of info about the upcoming season of X-Files right here.

Microsoft bummed, RedHat stoked -- Sharkey @ 1:13 pm
Forty-two million shares of Microsoft changed hands in the first 45 minutes of nervous trading in New York this morning. Under normal circumstances, something like 20 to 25 million shares of Microsoft might be traded in an entire day. Microsoft values fell by as much as 8.6 percent in early trading, but recovered gradually throughout the morning. At one point, however, a cool $30 billion had been wiped off its value. By mid-day, Microsoft's losses on 72 million shares traded were in the range of 3 to 4 per cent.

On the other side of the bill, Oracle, Red Hat, Netscape and Apple all had successful gains on the market, more than enough to make up for Microsoft's losses. This is a sign of the end kids. As soon as MS appears to be in trouble, Bill Gates will unleash his legions of flying, fire-breathing, feces-flinging monkeys. They will then encompass the globe in flaming shit and old copies of Windows 3.0, throwing us completely into the PC dark ages. THE END IS UPON US! THE END IS UPON US!

Mop mop mop...all day long... -- Sharkey @ 12:38 pm
Holy shinola that was a busy weekend. In case some of you had your heads up your collective asses, I was moving into the new place over the past 2 days. Unfortunately the cable guy won't be out until tomorrow, so double unfortunately: no cable modem. I can live until then though, I've got this work connection, which will do for now. The new place is swank. We had half the BAMF staff there last night, just kickin' back playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater (which is a kick-ass game BTW).

Much info to be shared, so gather 'round. First: license plate frames. I got the quote. For everyone who needs it to be shipped to them, it will cost $25. I think there's like a buck left over from it that goes to the Save the MoFo foundation, so don't think we're ripping you off. It's almost 20 for the plates, and a few bucks for shipping. Everybody who asked for one, I'll be e-mailing you tomorrow and letting you know what's up. For anyone else who wants one, just e-mail me and I'll stick you on the list. They should be out around Thursday. For anyone who didn't know, it will say "Got Pie?" along the top, and "www.badassmofo.com" along the bottom. Pretty sweet.

Sunday, November 07, 1999

Wow, I'm an over acheiver -- wrongforum @ 12:23 am
I just realized that I posted enough on Friday to account for probably a month of regular posting. And if I play like my girlfriend is in town, I could probably coast another month. The road to Lazyassville is paved with gold, if you ask me!

Boy do I suck -- Sharkey @ 12:18 am
Not one friggin' update yesterday? Boy am I a bastard eh? Yeah, well screw you, I was moving heavy boxes & shit all damn day. So don't give me any crap. Once I'm finished moving into the new place, posts should be abundant. I'm glad there was at least one post yesterday.

Sharkey died -- wrongforum @ 12:16 am
He must have. There wasn't a post from him yesterday. Sharkey always posts. Did he die-

a) ...at work, concocting an evil set of cascading style sheets that ate his soul?

b) ...on the road home, plowed over by a '86 Cutlass Sierra driven by a drunkened Mox?

c) ...at home, where he and Mox drank all the liquor in the house, and with blurred vision, accidentally did a bottoms up with some Drano?

d) ...all of the above?

Now I'm not a bettin' man....

Saturday, November 06, 1999

Guy Fawkes -- Schmerz @ 10:53 pm
Blowing up stuff on Guy Fawkes is fun. :)

If you still have some fireworks left over, try finding some fresh dog shit (or make your own). Stick a bunch of fireworks into the dog shit and light them.

Try not to get hit by the flying shit or get any of it on your hands.

I heard that some kid in New Zealand lit an 8 shooter and shoved it down some other kid's pants.
Damn that must hurt.

Friday, November 05, 1999

My opinion on the M$ case -- wrongforum @ 11:49 pm
This is my opinion. I am a Mac user who has disliked Microsoft's products from day one. However, I believe I have a somewhat objective opinion on the whole thang, since I do not have (except for IE, which I only use to view pages Netscape won't) one piece of MS software on my machine, and live completely without direct affect from MS products.

However, I do feel a constant indirect pressure from Microsoft. I think the judge did a good thing by ruling against Microsoft, except at times it seems he was being a tad harsh. I believe MS has been a monopoly and has bullied its way to get there time and time again.

The nature of antitrust legislation is promote competitive capitalism. And it has always had a real effect on the things we need more than the things we just want. You may have the market cornered for the sales of live hamsters in the world, but is that really a need? The last huge breakup of a monopoly was the AT&T deal a coupla decades ago, which dealt with soaring prices and a lack of competition on a needed service/product, which was telephone service. Same with the Rockefellers and Standard Oil back in the 1920's - they were withholding vital needs for a whole nation just to fulfill they're own greed.

Now that the whole world basically uses MS Windows, MS is in the position to do pretty much as they wish. They can make proprietary standards (can anyone say DirectX and Windows Media?) and vigorously market them because of their clout. Anyone who has a great idea outside of Microsoft is either bought (hotmail) or steam rolled (Borland). No company co-exists with MS on an equal basis, because when money buys power, and you're richer than everyone, you own the most power. The little guy has no say anymore, which very much parallels a dictatorship instead of a democracy.

Now I won't say to destroy MS. These guys have done what everyone strives to do when they have the entrepreneurial spirit - they want to make a product that everyone will buy, so that they can have a nice life. However, it becomes a delicate balance of business rights and consumer rights when it comes down to a society's needs in this case, it is the desktop and its role with the internet. I know my business can't survive without that little fiber optic cable that runs into the side of the building. So does Microsoft. But when they force your hand and you have to pick Microsoft for whatever purpose because of it, that is not business - it's bullying, and it defies your rights as a citizen.

My 12 cents.

A Game Of Monopoly Anyone? -- Spooky @ 5:56 pm
Microsoft was dealt a very unmofo like blow today when Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson sided with the Government, Netscape, Sun, and others in ruling Microsoft does indeed have a monoply on the PC market. The 207 page ruling outlined how meetings between browser rivals Netscape and Microsoft were really one way pushes from Microsoft to force them into a smaller market.

�Many of these actions have harmed consumers in ways that are immediate and easily discernable,� the judge continued.

Yadda yadda yadda -- Sharkey @ 5:25 pm
Sorry there haven't been slices the last couple of days, but I've been working two jobs and attempting to have a social life, what the Hell more do you want from me? Anyway, the double-shift bullshit should be over by Monday (least I fuckin' hope so), so everything should return to normal by then. Also, this weekend I move into the new place. It should be cool, maybe I can convince Mabs to post more often. And maybe Haus could write a few things for us if he learns how to spell and punctuate, but probably he won't.

Also, I've been gettin' my rant on quite often the last few days, but unfortunately I haven't been able to share it with you. I'll have to seriously lay into someone on the site over the weekend. Hey, maybe we'll make some more badass phone calls to you readers tonight. Remember: If the phone rings at 3AM, its Badassmofo calling.

High school -- wrongforum @ 2:26 pm
What's up with kids these days? I was reading through the October 25 edition of Time magazine, and there is this very long article titled "A Week in the Life of a High School." It basically followed about 15-20 students and teachers around this high school in a St. Louis suburb. Of course, I read the whole thing since I've got to keep up with what's "kewl" these days, so I don't seem like an old fogey. Damn, I think actually saying the word fogey qualifies you as a fogey.

The article is pretty good, and talks mostly about the whole post-columbine-high-school situation all schools are going through now, which is somewhat understandable. The thing I don't get is how unbelievably stupid these kids can be and still graduate. Interviews with teachers go something like this - "I can't give the kids too much homework, or else they will be discouraged, fall behind in class, and then not have the grades to get into college." Now, I can understand having too much homework - three hours a night is too much homework. But these teachers mean like 10 or 15 minutes is too much. WTF? Kids won't do less than a half-hour of homework a night? REVELATION: kids who don't have the attention span to do more than 15 minutes of homework a night DO NOT BELONG IN COLLEGE. If you can't do your goddamn Algebra homework (hell, everyone should have at least Trig under their belt, too), then you're not worth anything. I don't care that you're gonna be a musician, or a painter, or a goddamn basket-weaver, you get your ass in class and bust your hump, because you're gonna need every inch of notes you take to be anything special in this world.

REVELATIONx2: college continually has shown me that there are more educated idiots in this world than ever before. People get out of school and they have no idea who they are or what they're gonna do. Save everybody some trouble kids - if you don't know what you're gonna be when you grow up, then wait a while before you jump into college. I'm sick of chumming around with children who are stupid, lazy, and have no motivation being a part of my life. GO DIG A DITCH, FOOLS. It's the only job you'll ever be suited for, so just cut to the chase and keep yourself away from the bloodsucking student loan fiasco that will soon overcome you. There is no stigma for doing manual labor - it is a perfectly viable solution, and should NEVER be looked down upon (hello? have you guys seen Fight Club?). Factory jobs account as the largest employment centers in most communities. They pay taxes, they live just like us, except they use their bodies more than their minds at their jobs, but not in life. And that makes them exponentially smarter than the freshman in college who went because all his friends did.

Damn, you kids! Wake up! Quit being goddamn slackers! Get out of the mall and get to work!

Bummer -- Sharkey @ 12:14 pm
I just got this e-mail from Daniel over at White Ty Affair:

. Guess what? I got busted for hacking! CRUD!!! Okay, there's a proggy called CyberPatrol, set on the computers in the comp lab I was in, at the time, at the school. I needed to go to about.com, which was blocked off, so I looked around for a way to disable CyberPatrol. (CyberPatrol is a blocking program, as you could probably guess) I open the win.ini file in the notepad, and notice a line that loads Cpatrol.exe, so I put a little semi-colon in front of it, to block it out. I'm aware at this time they could be watching my screen, w/ an in-house proggy called LockTite, made by Geoff, our school's tech support guy, and his assistant, Chris. They are. I restart, and it doesn't fix it, so I go back in, and delete the semi-colon, just as Coach T., Officer Rodes (The resource officer,) and Geoff & Chris burst into the room. All in all, I may be charged, I may not. Though what I did WAS a felony in the third degree, I probably won't get charged. Probably just have my computer privilages revoked...sooo...

Tasty -- wrongforum @ 10:19 am
I've been wanting to give the readers a treat for a while, but that idea quickly faded because of its illegality. So, this is legal. Honest.

One of my favorite heavy rock bands in that last few years is Irvine, California's Stavesacre. A true badass sound is what they make. If you wanna hear some of their music off the new album that is to be released shortly, they have a full mp3 of one of the songs, called "Keep Waiting". Go through their site if you wanna get it, or just download it now. Enjoy.

The Peeper -- Spooky @ 10:04 am
I just got hooked up with a funny ass link to a shockwave cartoon for Adam Sandler's Peeper. I took the liberty of saving this file so you all can download it for your enjoyment. This file is 2.6 megs and last 6 minutes long. You must have the flash4 plugin to view it. Just click here then you can either view the animation or choose to save/open the file with your browser. You can also get to it by going to this link and then click on On Always... Parental Advisory. Canadian viewers prohibited from downloading. =)

The Krew is koming -- wrongforum @ 1:21 am
You know, as a poster at BAMF, you are continually mugged and raped by women on a minute-by-minute basis. I mean, it's kinda silly how many women come up to me every day and are like, "I read your post last night. Wanna see my etchings?" C'mon gals, I have to get some work done.

That being said and out of the way, I am currently getting a posse/krew to do my dirty work and generally beat the ladies off with the proverbial stick. It's tentatively called "wrongforum's Posse of Pain: Maniac Army of Disturbed Anti-Socials", code named MADASS. You want some covert action, you've got it. Space is still open in my posse, but it's fading fast - I signed Susan B. Anthony this morning to a 2-year contract as my Treasury Bitch. Why, you say? The government never asked her if it was okay to put her face on the silver dollar. She's currently suing the Fed for all that coinage as evidence of defamation of character (because, in actuality, she doesn't look anything like that mean old whistler's-mother fart. she actually is 25 and lives in St. Louis as an aspiring porn star), and soon we goings to be rolling in silver, suckas! We got Johnnie Cochran representing in the court, so you know we gonna get the cash.

My posse is solid - there is a two-week training course and a binder textbook - so the stakes are high. You wanna be a part of MADASS, you have to commit. You gotta live and die by the bullet (well, actually, we use bb guns. live and die by the bb sounds gay). Susan B. Anthony can beat your ass with a jelly roll at twenty paces without even getting out of her rocking chair. How many of you posers out there even own a rocking chair?

Random Quotes -- Sharkey @ 12:47 am
Sharkey: "Some days people really piss me off. And then there are my days off."

Mr. Mabs: "It ain't a good restaurant unless it has a kick-ass lemonade."

Mox: "If I were a bum, I'd sleep under big-rigs."

Thursday, November 04, 1999

The mail, the mail is here! -- Sharkey @ 11:21 pm
Hmmm....

I'm sorry to tell you but from the symptoms you listed on bmF, you are suffering from a terrible disease. You see, you are living TWO seperate lives and you NEVER sleep. You just think you do. When you think you're sleeping, your evil part comes out and writes funny articles and chops off children's heads. I am sorry for this because you will die shortly after you lose all your past memory and become Sharky2, a new, more evil prototype. You will then slowly degenerate and die.

Holy crap, I'm going insane -- Sharkey @ 9:26 pm
Seriously, I've been working a lot of hours recently, and not getting a whole lot of sleep. Haven't been eating very much, and I used to eat only once a day anyhow. The kicker was that I started scrolling through the archives for last month, and read the posts from last week. I started laughing at a few of them, not remembering which staffers wrote them, and found that they were mine. I couldn't remember a damn one of them. Today Mox said he owed me money for buying his dinner yesterday. It took me awhile before remembering where we even ate, or why I owed him. I've always had a mind like a steel trap (when I'm paying attention anyways). I could ramble off every phone number I've ever had, the names of kids on my little league team when I was 5, and what teacher gave me my first detention. All gone. The worst part is, I'm not tired, not stressed out (except yesterday), and I'm not feeling any different than usual. I am suffering from wierd gaps in memory, and I keep whittling things out of wood like this fine little duck on wheels I've got here. WHEEEEE!

What was I talking about?

BAMF tip on life #1 -- Sharkey @ 8:06 pm

Music Review -- Sharkey @ 5:19 pm
Hey, check it out, a music review. This one was sent to me by my good buddy Shaggy, who sometimes submits news you read here. Go check out his review of Rage Against the Machine's latest: The Battle of Los Angeles.

Random ramblings -- Sharkey @ 4:24 pm
Did anyone catch that South Park last night? OMG that was funny. How hilarious was Alabama Man with "wife's lip-bustin' action"?

I am seriously going nuts right now. I got this CD-burner working, but forgot to tell it what applications to install. So I've spent the afternoon uninstalling half of the gay-ass bundle that came with it. Worst of all, now all gifs and jpgs look like internet explorer files, I can't find the file association for it, and it won't let me make a new one. Stupid gay-ass software bundle.

Want to be Anakin? -- Sharkey @ 12:42 pm
Sheah, like that's gonna happen. But, Lucasfilm is now casting the role of Anakin Skywalker for Star Wars Episode II. It�s looking for a male, about 19 years old, who resembles an older Jake Lloyd. And dammit, you'd best have some fine acting skills. Start working on your "YIPEE!"s right away. Here's their contact info, and you can't send it, your agent has to:

Lucasfilm Ltd., c/o Robin Gurland, P.O. Box 2009, San Rafael, CA 94912.

Parasite manga heads to big screen -- Sharkey @ 12:39 pm
Awesome, if you haven't checked this manga out, go to your local comic shop and do so:

Don Murphy's Angry Films has joined with Jim Henson Pictures to transform the popular Japanese manga called Parasyte into a live-action/CGI feature.

The story, based on the comic by Hitosi Iwaaki, takes a twist on alien invasion: Mysterious seeds fall from the heavens, transforming any creatures they land on into an alien force bent on destroying the world. However, when they land on the left hand of a young man named Mike, he ties off the hand and inadvertently creates Lefty, an alien parasite. While Lefty and Mike are decidedly at cross-purposes, the two are attached and must learn how to live together.

The Blair Pie Project -- Sharkey @ 12:33 pm
No, that's not BAMF's first feature film, seems Heather Donahue (BW Project) and Jason Biggs (American Pie) have been seen clubbing together. Click on that story, scroll to the bottom, and you'll see that another spoof is being made of Blair Witch, called the Bare Tits Project, and will probably be coming to Pay-Per-View any day now. And as if that wasn't enough, yet another spoof is being made, this time by Pauly Shore. Jeez, if that isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is. It's being directed by the same guy who co-wrote/directed the Carrot Top movie (nothing spells success like second-fiddle to Carrot Top), and the 'film' will consist of clips from other spoofs and Pauly's stand-up "comedy". God save us all.

Poor ol' Mox and his sister -- Sharkey @ 1:27 am
Hung out with Mox and his sister tonight. Looks like your call will have to be next week Charles, she's gone for the weekend. Maybe I can get Mox to call you at 2am again to tide you over. But then again, he's got his hands full as it is. His Mac ate shit today. I went over there to see if I could help. We were getting nowhere until I thought to disconnect his main hard drive, basically pulled the solution out of my ass. Hard Drive's probably corrupt, luckily all of his files were on his other HD. He's looking for Mac applications 'n shit, like Norton Utilities, etc. He's also wondering what kind of support he'll get on his main HD from Apple, since it's still under warranty. Anybody who can help out our resident drunkard can e-mail him here. Seriously, I know we've got a few Mac readers, e-mail him if you can help out.

Wednesday, November 03, 1999

Sleepless? Nah, Capped in Seattle.. -- Spooky @ 10:32 pm
I doubt being sleepless had anything to do with the shootings in Seattle. The camouflage wearing suspect was hunted down after walking calmy into a shipyard and opening fire. 2 were dead and another 2 were wounded. Police have arrested a man who matched descriptions given by witnesses but they have declined to answer any further questions.

�We are obviously pulling all the stops doing everything we possibly can to find the shooter in this case,� said Seattle Police Chief Norm Stamper.

I'm living a lie -- wrongforum @ 9:40 pm
Well, it looks like Spooky has dug up my past life as a softcore porn star. Thanks a lot, Spook. I thought I had buried my past deep by offing the porn execs one by one, but it seems a pic has slipped through the cracks. Now I'll have to hire the trenchcoat mafia to cap your ass.

Droppin' some science... -- Spooky @ 7:27 pm

Did you know that too much alcohol makes your testicles shrink? Shit!

Everything is cool, how are things w/you? -- Sharkey @ 3:38 pm
Want to know how my day is going?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!

I can't wait to leave this place. New South Park, rest, no stress.....GAAAH!

Hackers crack DVD code -- Sharkey @ 11:54 am
Commenting that "the worst fear of movie studios has been realized," Wired magazine is reporting that, by using a utility now circulating on the Internet, people can now copy movies from DVDs onto their personal computers. The utility, called DeCSS, reportedly cracks the encryption programs that DVD producers include on each disk to prevent copying. The hack opens the possibility of DVD movies being swapped over the Internet. Wired quoted Jeff McNeal, webmaster of The Big Picture, a site for home theater enthusiasts, as saying, "I consider this a disturbing development and only hope that it doesn't curtail studio commitment to DVD as we know it today."

[: Showbizdata :]

On the contrary -- Sharkey @ 1:23 am
Even if alcohol makes the 'nads shrink, who cares? Everything else looks bigger in comparison anyways. Cripes am I bored. So much so that I downloaded ICQ onto this machine. Anyone who knows my ICQ#, give me a buzz. I have no contact list here, so I've no idea who's online and who ain't. If you want to know what the # is, look it up, it ain't hard to find.

Science Corner -- Schmerz @ 1:12 am
Did you know that too much alcohol makes your testicles shrink? Shit!

Hey I'm Alive! -- Schmerz @ 1:04 am
Haven't updated lately.
I was busy terrorizing young children and their dogs on the night of Halloween.
Man, does anyone else here really hate trick or treaters? I don't mind those little kids knocking on your door and having some fun during the day, but some older folks should at least have the decency to PISS OFF when its 2 AM in the morning.

I hope they get something rotten in their candy, ya snotty bitches.

Oh and by the way, New Zealand lost the semi-final of the rugby world cup to the frogs! Nooo! I can't believe we lost. It sucks, because earlier this year, we won the Tri-Nations tournament against the Aussies and the Jappies and they are supposed to be the two other best teams in the world. But damn! We lost to the French! :(
Not that any of you would give a damn, because most of you are probably Americans or Canadians. Hey, the US Eagles got beaten by Romania, now thats a laugh.

Heard that there was another shooting in the US today. Its becoming like a daily schedule.
Eg. Have breakfast at 8 o'clock, shower, get dressed, drive to work, open fire on friends with brand new semi-automatic assault rifle, blame it on Doom, go home, have dinner, etc.

One for the road -- wrongforum @ 12:42 am
I'd just like to say that I envy all you folks out there that get to sleep in tomorrow. I have to go churn out a damn piece of sculpture in the morning, and I already know I won't finish in time for critique. Ah, the sweet flavor of impending doom. Tastes like chicken with a dash of cyanide and a side helping of steaming fecal butter. Very appealing.

I was listening to the Fugees' "The Score", and a sentence stuck in my mind. Mind you, I don't know if it has any bearing on this situation, but it is pretty funny -

"This is a chinese restuarant, but like Burger King, have it your way! Hyaa!"

Tuesday, November 02, 1999

Come original -- Sharkey @ 11:46 pm
Heh, at least Inferno thinks my antics are funny.

Dead man walking -- Sharkey @ 11:37 pm
I'm a little bummed out, pull up a chair and I'll explain why. I was walking over to the other building with John, one of the network admins, and we're sitting around bs'ing when this guy from accounting walks in. John turns pale white, swiftly darts out the door, and calls for me to follow. I'm running to catch up, we get downstairs and around the corner and he lets me in on what spooked him. That guy who walked in was supposed to be fired tomorrow. John just locked him out of everything, and he's headed right for his office. John can't go back up, because he can't let him know why he's locked out. Here's another problem, his keys are inside, and will soon be locked in. Shit.

So I volunteer to go all the way back over and fetch his keys. I step ten yards out of my office and there he is. The dead guy. He wants to know where John is. I say he's getting dinner. He asks if I have admin priveledges. I say no, I'm not a tech anymore. We then proceed to walk back to the other building. Me, him, and his son. Shit. So I'm busy fraternizing with a guy who's supposed to be terminated in the morning, all I can do is not look him in the eye. I feel really bad for the guy, I mean, here with his kid at 10 at night, only to find the locks changed and his computer inaccessible. And what can I do? I don't even know the guy for cryin' out loud. I just smile and nod, hoping he doesn't notice how I'm trying to hurry the fuck out of there. I grab John's keys, haul ass back, and John tells me that I've gotta go back. WTF? Our security guy was supposed to be watching the building, but apparently he left. So John asks me if I can go back and make sure he doesn't fuck anything up. Off I go again.

I get back, and the dead guy is just all distraught. He's on the phone with the CFO, he's visibly upset, and there I am, pretending to work just feet away from the guy. And that's where you come in. I started this post while sitting just within earshot of the guy. Then the higher-ups came in, kicked him out, and we discussed what happened. Imagine if you knew someone was going to be fired tomorrow, his whole life changed in a moment, and you've gotta play it off like nothing's going on. I feel really bad for you man, wherever you are right now.

Gettin' Old Skool -- Sharkey @ 6:54 pm
I felt like writing, so sit back and relax, and I'll tell you a story from the days of the old skool. Grab a drink and read: Dan vs. a pane glass window.

Shite -- Sharkey @ 5:14 pm
Well, we're off to a fun week, aren't we? We already had one hoax yesterday, and a few of you even got woken up at 3AM by Mox. And speaking of waking up, is Schmerz asleep or something? Where the Hell have you gone? You haven't posted in a week, which means we could legally declare you dead. Speak up! If you don't hurry back, I might have to replace you with a bald chimp with a colostomy bag. Hmmm....

Wierd Dream -- Nick @ 4:10 pm
I had a wierd dream last night... some bastard named Mox called me at 3:00 in the morning talking about a secret message and his sister. I don't remember the rest.

Holy shit, that was you? Shit man, scroll down a few posts, you'll see your phone number posted in bright white numbers. :) I was sittin' right next to Mox while he was calling you, we had no fuckin' clue. Just remember, next time don't leave cryptic messages on our 800 number, or you might get a call from a drunkened Mox. -- Sharkey

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 2:49 pm
Fulfilling Solo's request, here's Mariah Carey:

Mariah here is trying waaaay too hard to be black. Who does she think she's fooling? Of course, the fact that she looks like this doesn't hurt, and I guess these won't get in the way of her *ahem* singing career.

Music -- Sharkey @ 1:26 pm
My buddies have got some of their music up on MP3.com. They're called Space Case, you should check them out if you're into trance/ambient music. They've also got some stuff up under Mission2Mars. Some of their older stuff is up too, from back when they were called Super31. Check that out for trance/ambient mixed with U2 around the time of "Joshua Tree". I know they'll hate that description, but it's the easiest way to describe it. Be sure to check out their latest stuff, its pretty cool.

Hawaii manhunt for Xerox gunman -- Sharkey @ 12:32 pm
A man in his late 30s is being hunted by police in Hawaii after shooting seven people dead at the island headquarters of Xerox in Honolulu. The wanted man was said to be a former supervisor at Xerox - the seven confirmed dead were all members of his work crew. No other injuries were reported. Although details were sketchy at press time, local police were reported as saying the man made his escape in a Xerox van which he later abandoned.

To anybody that I work with, I'd just like to say one word: Michael. Seriously, if anybody's gonna go Xerox on our asses, its him. Don't mention his seventies fashion sense or the fact that he wears dress clothes and a tie to a t-shirt and jeans job, and whatever you do, don't call him Mike. He's probably polishing his AK-47 right now. I'm afraid to go into the office today, I don't think I'm gonna go in, and its all because of you Mike...uh...Michael.

Lucas bashes Lord of the Rings -- Sharkey @ 11:35 am
Straight from Ringbearer.org and into your face:

George Lucas reportedly doubts it�s possible to put Lord of the Rings on the big screen and pull it off. In an interview with a newspaper in Iceland, Lucas said he was curious as to how Peter Jackson was going to do it.

Technical matters seem the biggest hurdle, Lucas reportedly said. Only Industrial Light and Magic could produce the computer graphics necessary to make a movie of this scale, he reportedly said.

Uh, actually... -- wrongforum @ 8:56 am
Actually, mine sucked. If I remember correctly, I said "uh" a whole lot and didn't really ever say anything except gibberish.

On second thought, don't post all the entries. Mine's pretty embarassing. Public outcry would demand my termination immediately.

Hey wrongforum -- Sharkey @ 1:00 am
Was yours the "Wonderin' if Mox's sister is gonna give me any stank on my hang low" call? If so, your's was up there. We tried to pick the one that made us laugh the most. And when PiratePete declined the prize, we gave it to Charles. j/k :)

Hello? Hello? -- wrongforum @ 12:49 am
What?! That guy won? Is that the best our readers can do? Where was the drama? Where were the dirty jokes? Where was the music? Where is my point?

I think we should hear ALL of the entries, and let the readers decide. I think mine woulda won. What, you didn't know I sent one in? It's easy to pick out - it's the one with the really southern accent. Okay, it probably sucks too, but let us at least hear the rest. We demand entertainment!

Reach out and touch someone -- Sharkey @ 12:33 am
Hey, betcha didn't know that when you call the MoFo Hotline, it tracks your phone number. So we've decided that from now on we will randomly call you folks just to thank you for your time and to tell you how much we appreciate you reading BAMF. I had Mox make a few late-night calls this evening to:

Monday, November 01, 1999

War2BNE Baby -- Sharkey @ 11:03 pm
If any of y'all feel like playing War2 with me on Battle.net, I'm going on right now. My name is Sharkey_{BAMF}. See you there.

Oh, contest winner will be announced & played for everyone once Mox gets here.

Halloween attack -- Sharkey @ 10:15 pm
This is pretty sick, some 35 year old sonuvabitch beat and stabbed a 12-year old boy who was trick-or-treating with his friends last night in Hesperia California. Luckily the kid is still alive, but in critical condition. You can read the rest of the story here. This is why they should let me make laws. First off, let the bastard sit in a rotting jail cell until the kid recovers. Then let the kid beat the shit out of him with golf clubs and baseball bats until he feels vindicated. Then lock him up for the rest of his life, forced to wear a t-shirt with a picture of the kid kicking his ass so the bigger inmates know he'll be an easy lay. I'd imagine there isn't any lube in prison, so he'll get what he deserves. Repeatedly.

Reader Mail -- Sharkey @ 8:37 pm
Let's all relax as Sharkey sits down with his smoking jacket and pipe, eases into his chair next to the fire, and opens the bag of reader mail.

I've been thinking, scary eh? Well , I bet every guy has pissed sitting down. Not just cause you're a man or any men for this matter can piss standing up but for the fact that what happens if you can't decide wether you need to do both? I mean geez, what if after your huge 64oz of coke and your bag of beef jerky or skittles, you go have that smoke. You know the one that gets it all goin'. Or sitting on the computer completely zoning on some piece of pie for hours just staring letting the radiation from the screen eat at your brain and for that split second you get distracted, i.e. phone rings knock on the door ..........it hits you. Oh boy does it! The porclein God calls you ....See ...here's a girl secret...Believe me I've wanted to take a leak standing up since I was able to spread my legs over the can...but girls are happy to sit down and let go.

Now that you have these beautiful thoughts ....Have a nice night. :)

last stile post ever -- wrongforum @ 7:58 pm
Heh. Clicked on my ICQ and saw stile for a second, then he signed off. So I e-mail him to tell him "gotcha". So he e-mails me back with one sentence -

"The eagle has landed."

Stile -- Sharkey @ 7:32 pm
Stile Project: fact or fiction? Lets see what the readers think: (of course, being a super-sleuth I figgered it out myself, have a look at the bottom of this post for the proof)

OK, so I'm a closet BAMF fan, big fuckin' deal. Anywayz, the "Stile" thing is bullshit. Old Man Murry (http://www.oldmanmurry.com) does something silly, so now they are. How do I know this? If you take a look at the actual html of the C.M.A.S. page put up on stileproject.com, you'll see what I'm talkin' about. You guys are gonna hafta do a better job then that shit. If you ain't figured out what I'm talkin' about, just look at the very bottom of the html, the link to BAMF's eXTReMe web counter is a bit of a give away. I nice way to pump up the ol' hit counter, tho....

Sean 'BiZ' Mueller
http://www.fullon3d.com
http://www.biznizzy.com
[email protected]

now that's odd -- wrongforum @ 7:30 pm
Ha ha. You got me. When I had originally went to the Stile Project earlier, I got a 404 error, which is a much more convincing page than what is really over there. Man, I wouldn't have posted that e-mail from Stile if I had seen that first. Hey, give me some slack. I was posting from a computer while in class.

Anyway, Biz pointed out to me some fishy hit counter code. Hmmmm.....

Alley stays. Period. -- Sharkey @ 5:56 pm
Well, this whole Stile thing has got everyone's panties in a wad right now, so I've got to tell everybody to just relax. For all you know it could be a hoax. Juseck's Murderer seems to think it is, but we'll all have to wait and see. There are a couple of reasons why it may in fact be a hoax. For one, I don't recall hearing anything about Stile on Stern this morning, but then, I didn't listen to every second of it either. Also, Stile kindly linked to us, as we link back to him. If 50,000 people had visited his site between yesterday and today, don't you think just one of them might have clicked on that link? Because not one person came here from Stile today. I could be wrong, of course. I haven't talked to Stile today, although he did send me Halloween Greetings yesterday. Point to all of this ranting is: calm down. And Stile, if you really are in trouble, my heart goes out to you, seriously. I hope you don't end up bent over for this, e-mail me and let me know what's up.

Stile isn't dead yet... -- wrongforum @ 5:25 pm
But he probably wishes he was. Here is the e-mail he sent me concerning the whole situation. EXTREMELY bad shit.

From: "jstile"
To: [email protected]
Date: 01 Nov 1999, 05:46:58 PM
Subject: read this please
-------------------

dude im in some serious shit here.. my webpage was taken down from my isp's server because of some bad bad shit.. seems like some dude from the howard stern show found my webpage and all of a sudden 50 THOUSAND FUCKING POEPLE VISITED TODAY.. all these little kids were checking it out and the porn and shit, and seems like a bunch of their mothers(?) got togetther, phoned the police in toronto (canada) where i live, and they got my info from network solutions and my isp. my isp and the cops (rcmp) pulled the page, the cops came to my houseand fined me a lot of money which i DONT want to talk about right now.. the cops are going to be back soon, i dont know if they are going to confiscate my computer or what, they didnt have a search warrant, but they say im in big shit because of the kids checking out the porn .. seems like these mothers formed a fucking group in a matter of 5 minutes.

i havnt fucking slept in 24 hours and i have work tommorow.. i got home to around a hundred emails saying my site was down .. got this email from "Concerned Mothers Against Stileproject.com" .. is this for fucking real? Im still in total shock man, you're like the 3rdperson that knows anyhow the site should be back up in 24hours.. this california company called me on the phone.. this is too crazy man, if you could let people know i'd appreciate it, i have a big mess to sort out and im totally exausted.. i cant believe this shit is happening, my phone is ringing off the hook -- my moms home now i gotta run and talk to her, but just spread the word i guess.. im trying my hardest to put the site back up ... later sorry for the shitty email im typing a mile a minute
--------

The best thing to do is to STOP e-mailing the man about how his site is down. He *probably* knows that already.

Puts the ph34r in ya. Spook, ya better pull those Alley Baggett pics off before we get a "Concerned Bitches Against Badass Mofos" or maybe a "White Moms to Censor Everybody Legion" letter.

Awww, damn. You can't take the Alley pics down! That's heresy!

Just to let you know... -- Sharkey @ 4:30 pm
Looks like we'll all be out of a job soon. Type up them resumes and be ready to plow the fields for our mechanical masters.

RealNetworks is watching you -- Sharkey @ 4:27 pm
Heh, chalk up another one for Richard Smith, president of Phar Lap Software. He's found yet another company who is gathering information about you without letting you know. You can read the full article here if you want, but check this exerpt:

RealJukebox sends out information on the CDs users listen to, along with a unique player ID number that says who they are. It also reports how many songs are recorded on the hard drive, the type of portable MP3 player being used, and music preferences. When a user registers RealJukebox they are assigned a Globally Unique Identifier (GUID), that is their own personal serial number. This is encrypted in the Windows registry, but Smith has discovered that it's the same number as is sent to RealNetworks along with information about music preferences. This happens on the fly if you play a CD while you're connected to the Internet.

Contest -- Sharkey @ 2:14 pm
Today we pick the winner. Stay tuned.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 2:10 pm
You speak, I listen. Today's slice is the lovely yet definitely key lime Milla Jovavich.

MMmmm...Milla. Mmmm...more Milla. Does anybody remember when Milla tried to have a singing career here in the US? Heh, that stupid "Gentleman who fell" song is such crap, yet for some reason seeing her run around naked throughout made the video tolerable. She's certainly an exhibitionist.

This interview is over -- Sharkey @ 11:49 am
Ever wonder what it would be like if we interviewed stars like Yasmine Bleeth? Well, here's your answer. I bet if we let Mox do the interview drunk, it'd take only two questions, maybe one on a good day.

Mulder & Scully: who gives a crap -- Sharkey @ 11:23 am
Hello kids, my name is Chris Carter, and boy are ratings sagging. My shows are getting canned as soon as I get them on the air, and they're thinking of shutting down my cash cow, The X-Files. Whatever shall I do? *snaps fingers* Wait, I know!

TV Guide is reporting that in the "Millennium" episode which will air November 28, Mulder and Scully will finally lock lips. The pair have kissed before, in the alternate timeline episode "Triangle," and they nearly smooched in the film Fight the Future, but "Millennium" - named after executive producer Chris Carter's cancelled television series, and starring Lance Henriksen as Frank Black - will mark the first time the FBI partners kiss for real.

Eh? -- Sharkey @ 11:06 am
All I can say is, WTF? Is that a hack or what? Pretty elaborate hack if'n ya ask me.

*Whew* -- Sharkey @ 3:29 am
Got pulled over tonight after I tried to follow Mox through a red light. Mox made the light, I did not. And as I glanced in the rearview, I swore as I realized that it was not a ski rack on the car behind me. The cop rode my ass for a good block, then put the lights on. You know they do that just to let the suspense build, wondering if you're gonna get away with it or not. Luckily the cop was forgiving tonight, and decided not to give me the $300 ticket. And my good luck is as such.

Old News for October

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