A lot of litigation today is just utter fucking nonsense. Why can’t these rich bastards just settle their differences the old fashioned way? You don’t see the Kiss Army suing Bruce Lee for whupping their asses, or Ace and Gene bringing a suit against Afro Sheen. *hey look, it’s a joke you probably won’t get!* Anyway, here’s the latest news on big-time lawsuit happy idiocy. And who better to lead the assault than a creature of pure evil, Babs.

But then along came Kenneth and Gabrielle Adelman, two average multimillionaires who spend much of their time flying up and down the California coast in their helicopter, photographing the coastline to make sure that no one is doing anything naughty such as chopping down a few trees on top of a cliff to improve the view that might speed along the natural process of erosion.

Since Barbra lives in a mansion on a bluff overlooking the Pacific in the celebrity-choked town of Malibu, the back of her house with its kidney-shaped pool turned up in one of the Adelmans thousands of photos.

So, she filed a lawsuit, reportedly seeking $10 million in damages and asking the Adelmans to remove the image of her estate from their collection.

Want to see the image that pissed her off so bad? Enjoy. Kind of anticlimatic, but every click just pisses Babs off more. You kind of have to wonder, if a picture is worth a thousand words, and that picture is worth 10 million in cash to Babs, that must mean that each one of her words is worth 10 grand. Personally, I’d like to cut off her benefactor, just to keep that fat yap of hers from exuding any more hot air my way.

Next up on the idiotic litigation block is McDonalds, who have filed a suit against an Italian food critic for giving their “restaurants” an unfavorable review. Doesn’t sound like food, folks, & fun to me.

The corporation has sued Edoardo Raspelli, a critic and commentator for the Italian newspaper La Stampa, after he compared its burgers to rubber and its fries to cardboard, in an article last year. McDonald’s is seeking undisclosed damages, possibly as much as the 21m euros (15m; $25m) it spent on advertising in Italy last year.

I don’t think McDonald’s has any room to sue anybody. Personally, I think the person with the most room to sue in regards to McDonaldland is Grimace. That motherfucker is a cartoonish representation of a milkshake, for Chris’sakes. They come to some cartoonist and say “Hey, we need a milkshake mascot”, so he draws up a big fat purple piece of shit, the McDonald’s execs snort a few more lines of coke and decide that it’s brilliant. Ooh, and “grimace” is a funny word, isn’t it Earl? Jesus, your face is melting. Hey, HEY! Let’s call him Grimace, Earl. GRIMMMM… ESSS! Sounds pretty funny huh? Let’s go put on the Ronald McDonald and Mayor McCheese outfits and touch the children, eh buddy?

*Sound of floppy footsteps out of the boardroom*

*faintly* GRIMMM… ESSS!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003 at 1:24 am and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.