Any news, comments, pie? Send it

Gary Coleman back on T.V. ? -- Captain Terror @ 10:10 pm
I caught a peek at Shasta McNasty tonight and they were talking about Gary Coleman being on later in the episode. I didn't see the rest, but maybe thats why Gary didn't have that much time to write his column, he was preparing for his return to T.V. But what kinda name is Shasta McNasty? It sounds like a bad McDonalds burger and a flat soft drink.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 9:54 pm
Last time, I promise, but this one's for Solo.

Hey Solo.... -- Sharkey @ 12:35 am
What have I got here? What is... is that....

Wednesday, September 29, 1999

eBay fun -- Sharkey @ 9:47 pm
OK, everyone is sitting around, someone is skimming through eBay, and we come across used panties. You know you at least want to look.

Huh? -- Captain Terror @ 9:21 pm
Do they speak French in Canada, or do they speak Canadian? Where the hell is Canada anyway?

Pay attention -- Sharkey @ 8:56 pm
For cryin' out loud people. Check out this e-mail I got today:

You are an ignorant american.. always referring to doug and others as canucks. What the hell do you know about Canada? Do you really think we are different than yourself? Talking the way you do makes you seem extremely adolescent and unintelligent.

Job opening -- Mr Mabs @ 6:03 pm
ATTENTION: We are now a village deprived of it's idiot. Please apply within.

We're looking for 2, preferably 1 female. Please send a 1-2 page writing sample depicting any amazing badass experiences. Please note that this could be posted, and that the statute of limitations is 7 years in most states, so use aliases when applicable.

Wow. -- Sharkey @ 5:56 pm
I knew he'd quit sooner or later, but I didn't expect it today. Adios and vaya con Dios doug, it was fun workin' with you. You took all the shit we dealt out and didn't complain to me once. For that I congratulate you. And while I will not miss the cryptic song lyric posts, I will miss picking on the Canuck. Later doug.

Achromatism -- doug @ 5:05 pm
did you happen to catch
or did it happen so fast
what you thought would always last
has passed you by
is everything speeding up?
or am i slowing down
just spinning around
and i don't know why
all the pieces don't fit
thought i really didn't give a shit
i never wanted to be like you
but for all i aspire
i am really a liar
and i'm running out of things i can do

Where is Everybody? - NIN - The Fragile
-----------
I am ending my time here at MoFo... for a dozen reasons, and a bunch more... but not one you can guess. It's been fun, but I'm done now.

New Winamp -- Sharkey @ 3:51 pm
Saw over on Bluesnews that Winamp 2.5 can be found right here. Have at it.

I hate the AM -- Sharkey @ 3:46 pm
I had to be here at work at 9AM this morning, and I got home at 3:30AM. I got here at 9, and went to a meeting where I was the only one in blue jeans. Think I felt a bit out of place? Not a damn bit, because my ass was sleepin' through half of it. Then in the meeting I see Mox's long-lost twin, which was fuckin' weird. Then there's no damn coffee or donuts. Sonuvabitch. Now I'm still here, checking up on eBay, and news and shit just waiting to talk to people so I can get my ass outta here. But at least I'm not Mabs right now. That guy can bitch about anything. ANYTHING. I was playing FF8 last night, and I show him the opening cinema and he bitched all the way through it, just for the sake of bitching. Mail him and let him know that he should stop bitching so much. Leave that to doug.

Can you smell... -- Sharkey @ 3:24 pm
Haus informed me that The Rock professed his love for pie the other night, stating that "The Rock loves pie" and talkin' about the "poontang pie". Sweet. Spread the word my friends, spread the word.

Tuesday, September 28, 1999

Lack of Pie & doug -- Sharkey @ 9:00 pm
Sorry for the lack of Slices the last 2 days, its been a busy week thus far. I promise to have something special to make up for it tomorrow. In the meantime, we'll listen to doug's problems at home, his misadventures in pirated software, and his thoughts on religion. How about the general public's response eh?

Notice how as soon as doug starts posting again your site becomes his own personal bulletin board to request software? I really hope he gets kicked out of his house so we don't have to put up with his incoherent canadian logic anymore. Over and out.

PiratePete

Lincoln appointed chairman of Mariners -- Sharkey @ 2:23 pm
Now, we usually leave the sports news to our good buddies at ESPN, but this one's a little different. I saw over at Videogames.com that Nintendo of America chairman Howard Lincoln has been appointed chairman of the Seattle Mariners today. Since Nintendo bought the majority of the Mariners Club in '92, Lincoln has been a key executive member of the board of directors. Lincoln has now stepped up to the plate and will succeed former chairman John Ellis. Ellis will remain on the Mariners board.

Lincoln will step down from his Nintendo of America chairman position on Feb. 14, his 60th birthday. He will remain on the Nintendo board of directors. Also scheduled to step down from Nintendo in 2000 is the company's current president, Hiroshi Yamauchi, 69, who took the reigns of the company in 1949.

Man, Lincoln is stepping down, and so is Yamauchi. Now I feel old. Next thing you know Miyamoto will retire, who knows what crapper the industry will end up in then. If any of you want a really good read on Nintendo and it's history, I suggest you pick up the newly revised Game Over by David Scheff.

Win2K for all (almost) -- Sharkey @ 2:12 pm
So, what happens when 70% of all machines will upgrade to Win2K, and 70% of all machines are capable of running Win2K? It boggles my mind as well, see Microsoft's theories in this Register article. Expect a massive advertising campaign from Big Brother next year. Heh, wonder how long it'll be until that User Friendly line: Microsoft: This is where you will go today.

Some comments... -- Sharkey @ 11:58 am
...About FF8. Don't worry, this isn't going to be like Nebu's EQ Journal here, I just want to say something about the game. So far, the main character is a puss and its sad to be playing as him sometimes. Come ON! How could he not bang that teacher, she was all over him!?! I know, its just a game, but this guy is an anti-social punkass who needs to shape up and get the girlies man. And that Laguna guy is a pretty shite role model for that. Other than that, the game is great. Aside from some control issues (IE: the controls suck), the game is one of the best I've played this year.

Square won -- Sharkey @ 3:19 am
Gotta hurry, I'm losing precious FF8 time. Oh, and doug, don't they have PCs at your libraries? Ours are abundant here in the good ol' US of A. You Canucks have got it pretty rough.

Monday, September 27, 1999

WTF? -- Sharkey @ 9:09 pm
OK doug, let's see how many times we can plug Lucky's eBay site in a day. If you don't know what I'm talking about, have a look in the Rants section. You'd think I was running a damn bulletin board.

Pinch That Loaf!! -- Captain Terror @ 7:40 pm
This one is for you Sharkey. With that last Meatloaf reference you made, I just thought you might want to know, the Big Loaf turns 47 today. Now that's older than my mothers meatloaf.

Doh! -- Sharkey @ 7:13 pm
Don't you love it when I accidentally put the gaming news on the main news page? I especially love when I do it and don't figure it out until hours later.

Phantasy Star video -- Sharkey @ 5:30 pm
IGN has a teaser movie of the upcoming Dreamcast title "Phantasy Star", along with info about the game. Head on over to see it.

X-Box announcement -- Sharkey @ 5:28 pm
Supposedly Microsoft is to make a formal announcement regarding the much hyped X-Box later this week. We'll be sure to let you know as soon as the news hits the wire.

Square wins -- Sharkey @ 3:00 pm
I woke up this morning with a strange feeling in my hands. They were twitching, and I knew they needed a game controller in them (or breasts, I'll try both). Then I started getting all nostalgic about the old FF games, and Chrono Trigger, and the Mana series, and then I realized that I have to do it. I have to buy Final Fantasy 8. Quite a few people e-mailed me and were quite insistent that I buy it. I don't need to hear that JD is good when I used to bottle it people(ooh look, a metaphor). So I am using this time to say goodbye for the next week or so to my family and friends, because you ain't gonna be seein' much of me. I shall go to the store and hand the clerk my 50 bucks and play for days straight. Goodbye everyone, it was nice knowin' ya.

Going to claw my eyes out... -- Sharkey @ 12:16 am
AARRRGHHH!!! I heard that stupid Bif Naked song today and now its just repeating over and over in my head! I...CANT...GET...IT...OUT!!! Visions of that weird Key Lime singer are flashing in my head as those trite lyrics ring in my ears. I'm going to bang my head into the wall until it stops. Someone wake me up in the morning, or take me to the hospital if necessary.

Sunday, September 26, 1999

Another one bites the dust? -- Sharkey @ 10:22 pm
Well, looks like old Lucky is suckin' ass when it comes to updating Lucky's Rants. He also hasn't done anything for the Gaming section in weeks, so it might be time to cut Lucky off. That would make two in a week's time wouldn't it? Oh well, what're ya gonna do? And what's with the sudden upsurge in posters over at Brain Damage? Did I fall asleep and miss something?

Must...not....cave....in -- Sharkey @ 9:55 pm
Can't....hold...out...much...longer....

Must....purchase.....Final Fantasy 8......

I'm gonna cave soon, and it ain't gonna be pretty. You don't understand how hard its been. I played almost all the way through FF7 in Japanese because I couldn't wait. I actually learned some Japanese words that way. I can't help it. I'm hardcore, and I must give Square my money. Even if the bastards'll never make anything as good as FF6(3) ever again.

Its art baby. -- Sharkey @ 6:02 pm
BWA-HA-HA!!! Check out the most phenominal art prank ever! Hoo-boy, I almost crapped myself. Found that one over at Camworld.

Professor Sharkey's Lab -- Sharkey @ 2:40 pm
I was skimming through the sites to your right, and at Ramblings, Juseck was talking about feeding birds Alka-Seltzer. Now, every kid should know the story of how you feed birds that stuff and they explode, the reason being that birds cannot release gas and blow up. I'm going to enlighten you today about this myth.

Now, the part about birds being unable to release gas, that's true. And their stomachs do burst eventually. But the birds themselves do not. See, to explode the bird would need to be completely sealed off, like a tied up balloon. But they've got mouths, and orifices just like everyone else. So what happens is, the birds stomach tears, gas builds up, and the bloody Alka-Seltzer/internal organ mixture flows up out of the mouth, eye sockets, and other exit points. So there's really no explosion, and the bird probably won't stay in midair when the pain of this gas sets in, so what you'll have is a twisting, dying bird on the ground. I hope you've learned something from today's lesson kids, and I hope you join me, Professor Sharkey, tomorrow when we find out what happens when you combine a Zippo lighter, an asshole, and four bean burritos.

Belated Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 1:04 am
As promised, here are the amazing pics from Maxim of Melissa Joan Hart.

Chicken & Waffles! -- Sharkey @ 12:57 am
Ba-DAM! Roscoe's is some of the best food I've ever had! Eat there if you get a chance. I had the 'Scoe's Special: Two pieces of fried chicken, 2 waffles, and I threw a piece of cornbread (ain't nuthin' wrong with that) just because. If you're in Hollywood, its a block or so from the Palladium, and its worth any wait you have to go through.

Saturday, September 25, 1999

Electric Barbarella -- Sharkey @ 11:52 am
Just a quickie before I go. Seems Drew Barrymore wants to remake the Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella", but without the camp. Waitaminute.....that's all Barbarella was! Lots o' drug references, sexual innuendos, and CAMP. Lots of CAMP. Joel Schumacher wishes he could have that much camp in his crap films. Somebody bitch-slap some sense into Drew before she goes ahead with this. The original was more than enough, thanks, I don't want to see any more.

What's for breakfast? -- Sharkey @ 11:43 am
Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles baby. Chicken 'n Waffles. And as soon as I get back from eatin' soul food in Hollywood, I'll have a belated Slice of the Day for ya. So stick around.

Friday, September 24, 1999

You've got to be kidding!! -- Captain Terror @ 10:51 pm
Well this ranks about an 8 on my wierd-shit-o-meter. Dennis Rodman will be hitting the big screen soon with his movie, Simon Says. Thats right Capsters, it looks like THE WORM has made it from bad boy of the courts to bad boy of the precinct when he plays a tough cop who "doesn't play by the rules". Gimme a break. The executive who looked at this tattooed, pierced, freakish, transvestite, painted, freakish (I used freakish twice for effect), has-been and said, "Hey, lets put him in the movies", should be hung upside down over a hot vat of boiling urine by his scrotum while someone shaves his chode with a straight razor. I hate to rant sometimes, but sometimes Hollywood pisses me off. What low life scum of the earth is really going to look at the trailers and say, "Wow, that Dennis can really act." ? I don't even think white trash, WWF wannabe hillbilly trekkers will wanna see this one. Oh well, I've been wrong before. Who knew Germany would like David Hasselhoff?

Hrmm... -- Sharkey @ 2:17 pm
What's funny about that "Visitors" post below is that I was still asleep during the whole thing. That's a long post too, I'm surprised I can write so coherently while asleep. I do a lot of stuff in my sleep. I agree to give people rides, I talk to people, I agree to work, all kinds of stuff. Then when I wake up I find out I've done all these things, and wonder, WTF? I ain't drivin' you to no LAX fool! No, that wasn't me talking, that was the asleep me talking. I'll say anything to get you to go away. Now I post in my sleep. Actually that might work out great. I'll set up an "Asleep Sharkey" poster name and use that. Maybe then I won't be the only one posting all day :)

Gotta sue 'em all? -- Sharkey @ 10:41 am
Ha Ha! Seems that a group of parents are organizing a class-action lawsuit against Wizards of the Coast, makers of the Pokemon trading cards. The basis for the suit is the claim that the cards promote "illegal gambling." Jeff Christianson, Senior VP and General Counsel for WOTC, calls the lawsuit "baseless" and vows "we will fight this vigorously." Heh, maybe they'll fight with Pokemons. Or maybe Magic cards. You know, why didn't these watchdog groups ever go after Pog makers? I used to make like 20 bucks a day in school of those things. Now that was some mo'fuggin gamblin'!

Visitors calling -- Sharkey @ 10:18 am
So I got to sleep about 5 hours ago. I can remember just before I woke up some ladies voices and a constant knocking and a dog barking in the distance. Then I woke up, and heard some ladies talking in the courtyard below my window, knocking on the door as my dog barks it's head off. So I shuffle out of bed, throw my jeans on and stumble downstairs. Now, I was still half-asleep at this point, because I won't answer the door without my hat for one reason: my hair sticks straight up and I look like a white Don King in the morning. So picture a 6'2" mean-lookin' freak of nature answering the door, and you'll know what our mystery guests are in store for. I look out the peephole and see, guess what, little old ladies. I wonder what I did to disturb them or what they could be selling and open the door.

Yep, 'lil old ladies alright. When they introduce themselves I'm still very blurry-eyed, and think that since this could still be a dream, ninja death squads could jump out at any moment so I quickly restore my peripheral vision. When the pain of focusing sets in I realize that I am not asleep and that these ladies did indeed just wake me up. They're from some church I can tell right off, because the eldest of the two starts babbling about the government and what we as Bible readers can do to change it.

I first establish that they're not from the Mormon church from down the street, because they know not to come around my house anymore. By now the old woman is spouting off about the government and how we can change it, and I start thinking of humorous ways to get her off the porch, like Will Farrel's "I found out that I'm the Devil!" line, or something to that effect. Then it dawns on me that there's a possibility that these women go to the same church that my mother does, and that if she heard about me kickin' old ladies off the porch I'd hear about it from all sides of the family. Plus, who wants to kick around old ladies, I pick on grown men, not crotchety old folk, it just ain't good mojo. So I stood there nodding, and nodding, and then nodding off, then when I woke back up they were still talking and smiling. Then they gave me a nice pamphlet and told me about some donation thing, and I responded that I have no money, which is standard on my autopilot for anyone at the door. Then they shuffled off to the next door and I shut mine.

Now, don't get me wrong, these nice old ladies were quite sympathetic to my just having woken up, and I don't want to hear any of your opinions on religion, or organized religion, or any of that. You can keep it to yourselves, because I do too. I'm just letting you all know because it happened 5 minutes ago, and I thought I'd share part of my morning with you. And some advice: Don't answer the door before noon.

I'm Gumby demmit! -- Sharkey @ 5:12 am
I realized how much I miss Eddie Murphy. I watched "Raw" tonight, and man was that guy a riot. What happened? I bet he had kids and didn't want them remebering him as some foul-mouthed comedian or something. He was awesome though. I also miss Cosby, and Pryor, and a slew of others. Remember when Chevy Chase was funny? That was awhile back.

Good comedians back then did comedy shows, movies, and stage shows. Nowadays every friggin' standup comedian is thrown a sitcom, which lasts for one season and they fade into obscurity. Sad, really. There aren't that many people who I'd pay to see if they came to town nowadays. Margaret Cho is pretty good, although she had that lame-ass sitcom a few years ago. I wonder if Will Farrell from SNL does standup? *Sigh* Get somebody funny onstage who won't become a corporate whore. That's all I want. Too tall of an order nowadays, I guess.

Thursday, September 23, 1999

I don't NEED directions beeyotch! -- Sharkey @ 10:32 pm
Put this in the "oh shit" bin: A spacecraft that was to be the first interplanetary weather satellite was presumed lost yesterday after it came too close to Mars and likely burned or broke up in the atmosphere. The thing cost us $125 million, and now is most likely an expensive pile of crumbs lying on the sands of Mars, if anything is left anyways.

"If the Mars Climate Orbiter mission is over, we intend this to be a case of science delayed, not science lost,� Carl Pilcher, NASA's science director for solar system studies, told a news briefing at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:40 pm
To make up for not doing SotD yesterday, we have a special slice spotlight today: Keri Russel and her breasts. Let's have a look.

Blink video -- Sharkey @ 4:39 pm
Anyone catch the new Blink 182 video yet? That's some funny shit. It's good that they've made it big, hopefully their music doesn't turn into crap. Here's a little Blink trivia for you, they're new drummer Travis Barker (who replaced Scott Raynor) used to be the drummer for the Feebles and then the Aquabats, the gayest band on the planet. Their stage shows were funny, but man did they suck. If you've never seen them, just have a look at this R33T netpimp and you'll get the picture.

And one other thing: TRL is the lamest pile of crap on the planet. Now Carson Daly has lost Jennifer Love Hewitt, and his soul. And who's the genius who thought up the little box where people say, "I requested this pile of shit from this talentless hack because they're sooooo hot! AAAAAAOOOOOOO!!" I mean seriously, I don't want some stupid-ass screaming during the middle of a good video, let alone the crap ones. Proof positive that there's a Hell, and that I don't wanna go there.

DX7 -- Sharkey @ 4:13 pm
So DirectX7 came out yesterday, I was wondering if anyone out there got it. My homeboy Shaggy downloaded it and his machine took a shit, gave multiple kernel32 errors, and crashed hardcore. Then after bootup, everything was kosher. MS products are always f'ed up before they're patched repeatedly, so I was wondering if anyone was having problems with it.

Wednesday, September 22, 1999

Hrmmm... -- Sharkey @ 10:18 pm
OK, ok, calm down everyone. There is...a Trek reference on the site. And as I'm sure you've guessed, the Cap'n is a Trekker or a Trekkie or whateveryacallsem. Unfortunate, I know, but he's a good guy so we don't be holdin' it against him. And now he wants a rematch in Goldeneye. And he shall receive it, and it shall be a bloodbath. And what shall I say? You know it, Boo-yah.

YES!!! -- Captain Terror @ 7:47 pm
Wooo Hoooooo!! Yes, thats right. The Capster is going to live to the ripe old age of 70. According to the Spark�s test, I should be worm food around 2040. Not to bad, that means I should be around to see the whole post-apocalyptic era. And you know what comes after that, thats right, the birth of the United Federation of Planets. (And I didn�t think I was going to make it.) Check it out at (http://test.thespark.com/deathtest) Hopefully by 2040 I�ll have figured out how to put a link in a post.
Late,
C.T.

Another writer lost -- Sharkey @ 8:59 am
Well kids, looks like we're losing another writer. I fired Gary Coleman this morning. He's making his own site where he can have his own telethon thing for himself. He's a greedy little bastard. He wanted to plug the Hell out of it here, but I locked up his posting rights. Good luck Gary, you little money grubber. Hope you can pull yourself out of debt.

Uuuugghhh... -- Sharkey @ 8:55 am
Look at the friggin' time! All I can say is "He works hard fo' the money! du-doo-du-doo"

Whoa, sorry about that. I just can't beleive I went to sleep 3 hours ago.

I Didn't Mean To Give You Mushrooms Girl -- Bud @ 12:10 am
My favorite "cracker" in the whole world, Eminem is being sued by his mother. Aparently she is mad because Slim Shady expressed his feelings about his upbringing and the stories that are told in the album arn't to flattering to Mrs. Mathers. She is claiming that that the record has caused her to have credit rejctions and to loose her trailer. Hmmm? I wonder if some trailer park bitch may have done a bad job of parenting.

My House! -- Bud @ 12:01 am
Just to let you all know, I am the dominater when it comes to Goldeneye. Public enemy number one. It's been said, now I will show my power.

"The above comments are due to the mind altering control of Budwieser. Thank You"

Tuesday, September 21, 1999

That purity test -- Sharkey @ 10:19 pm
Mox got like a 41%, bastard. Another anonymous staffer got 27%. And no, you can't prove it was Mabs. Me, Mox, and Mabs went through the test to see what kind of questions you need to answer "yes" to in order to get %20. Our conclusion? Solo must've shit himself. That or bestiality, and we don't wanna get into that.

We also started discussing that the "urine tasting" question must have been a trick question. For one, you "go south" on a girl and get the salty taste, what do you think that is? Plus, taste is like 80% smell, so if you've ever peed in a cup then you might know how it tastes. Mox added that the cup is really warm too. Dammit Mox.

Pure my arse -- Sharkey @ 8:59 pm
49% pure. That was a whack-ass test. Who defecates themselves on purpose? I thought people spent most of their lives trying not to defecate themselves.

Oh, RegBarc, no tidal wave is gonna kick my ass. Maybe doug, but definitely not me.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:30 pm
Today's slice will be reoccuring soon, since I have many more good pics to share. She's on a show I hope none of you watch. Melissa Joan-Hart.

What I want to know is, when did she get so hot? I mean, have a look at this, where did those come from huh? And then look at this. BOO-YAH! She's saucy.

Alright, Alright!! -- Captain Terror @ 6:50 pm
Okay, for the record, it was one out of four. You gotta at least give me some props for takin Sharkey once, especially since he's the best around. But how am I suppose to compete with someone who can quote MEATLOAF at the drop of a hat. Now thats stiff competition.

Sandler's new CD -- Sharkey @ 5:22 pm
Hey, I'll bet everyone's really looking forward to Adam Sandler's new CD, Stan & Judy's Kid. Especially since he said it'd be mostly comedy skits again. Well, you're lookin' forward to a fetid pile of rank dog feces. I don't know what happened to Adam Sandler's sense of humor, but it ain't on this CD. Bleh.

Don't eat asparagus -- Sharkey @ 5:10 pm
According to the experts, aparagus makes your pee stink. Caught this one on Memepool.

eBay rules -- Sharkey @ 3:46 pm
I'm getting rid of all my crap on eBay. Including a set of 3500 Magic: The Gathering cards that I never used, and the encyclopedia. I've probably played that game 3 times in my entire life. I'll probably sell an old laptop and some games. E-mail me if you want any of my stuff.

Happiness is... -- Sharkey @ 2:36 pm
Happiness is when you open your fridge, thinking that you drank the last good beer three days ago. Then you look at the bottom shelf and find three lovely bottles hiding in the corner. Ahh, schweeeet.

Taiwanese quake -- Sharkey @ 4:00 am
Taiwan has been hit by the biggest earthquake to hit the country in more than century. More than 1,100 people have been killed and 4,000 are injured or trapped in collapsed buildings. The quake registered at a massive 7.3 on the Richter scale, as big as the recent one in Turkey. At press time, the capital, Taipei, was understood to be in blackout, while soldiers and rescue workers raced to dig survivors from the rubble. Have a look here for more info, pics, and clips.

This will more than likely have an effect here. How you ask? Turn over anything you got for Christmas last year and tell me where it was made. Odds are, Taiwan. Where are millions of PC components made? Taiwan. What helped cause the current price rises in DRAM since July? A blackout in Taiwan. Component prices will soon be on the rise.

Monday, September 20, 1999

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 11:41 pm
American Beauty

Now this was a good flick. Kevin Spacey is a fuckin' riot. ("I RULE!") He's just one of the many reasons you should see this movie. Aside from the great story, there is young nude chicks, and plenty of humor to drown out some of the drama. And Annette Benning, she's a bitch, but she's funny. A funny bitch, that's all I can say. Did I mention nudity? Especially the singing chick from American Pie. *WHEW* Go see the movie with a chick, score major brownie points for being all sensitive whilst enjoying nudity and Kevin Spacey being a funny mofo.

Damn!!! -- Captain Terror @ 9:42 pm
I just keep coming back to the page to check out Tiffany-Amber Theissen. I'd like to cut me off a slice o that pie. Now, what was I doin again?

PROXIES!!! -- Sharkey @ 8:38 pm
Heh, looks like its time to give Cap'n Terror an HTML lesson. About Goldeneye, what was that Meatloaf song? One out of FOUR ain't bad? We should get a BAMF staff game of Goldeneye going. I can see it now. Bud and I both chanting "Proxies! Proxies!" and the rest of the staff going "NO!". Then Mox gets drunk and pisses some gardeners off. Just like every party. Fuckin' Mox.

PS2 digital movies -- Sharkey @ 8:30 pm
Hello, Whas' this?

Sony Computer Entertainment, the division that makes Sony's PlayStation game consoles, is planning to produce its own digital movies as early as 2002, the financial newspaper Nihon Keizai Shimbun reported Sunday. The newspaper said that Sony Computer has already contacted George Lucas and other top film directors to helm the digital movies, which presumably would contain interactive elements. The films which will be delivered over high-speed Internet connections beginning in 2001, are intended to be played on the new PlayStation2, due to be released next March.

Okay, okay, I get the point!! -- Captain Terror @ 8:30 pm
I feel bad enough that I've been neglecting to post on the big BAMF, but the start of fall has been a bitch. So I've made a resolution not to rush things. I want my posts to be elegant and full of pizzaz. (By the way, thats pizzaz, not pizzas). N E ways, lately I haven't commited any acts of road rage or yelled at anyone in line at the grocery store for having 12 items in the 10 item line. I've been pretty good on a whole, but I haven't had much time to post. I did, however, have time to take Sharkey in at least one game of Goldeneye. (Even if it was only 1, I feel pretty accomplished). Oh, and by the way, I have some cool links to put in my posts, but I'm too much of a fricken moron to figure out how to do it. Well, they say its the thought that counts.
Late,
C.T.

Well crap -- Sharkey @ 7:56 pm
Didn't have much time to post today, I had a bunch of work to do. Thankfully I can sleep in tomorrow. BTW, why is there even a staff here? I mean, Bud posts every now and again but damn. At least Mabs is getting better. This is turning into "Sharkey's one-man show". I'm seriously considering one guy's suggestion to auction off posting rights on eBay. I could probably get like 5 bucks. Stoked.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:51 pm
Today's Slice is best known for being a stupid cheerleader on Saved by the Bell. Now she just plays psychotic sluts. Here's Tiffany-Amber Theissen.

Awww, who would've guessed that Kelly would turn out like this? Not me, these are things you dream about as a kid. Then she goes and gets nekkid all the time. Bless her.

SUCCESS!!!! -- Sharkey @ 4:27 am
YES!! Man triumphs over machine baby. BOO-YAH! This 486 laptop I've had sitting in the closet has been dead for months because I didn't feel like messing with it. Then today, I took the initiative. After I upgraded from Win 3.1 on it to NT 3.51 it stopped booting. Thus came it's trip to closetville. Today I took a Win95 boot disk and threw 'er in there. I then found that an incompatible version of DOS was running Windows, therefore causing the error upon bootup. All it takes is a reinstall baby. I know it's a small triumph, but I can't let a 486 beat me. How would my badass master tech support rep look?

Sunday, September 19, 1999

Sweet Christmas! -- Sharkey @ 8:30 pm
How did I ever miss this?!? A Star Wars Q2 Conversion! That is friggin' awesome. I mean, Jedi Knight was a great game and all, but severely lacked in multiplayability IMO. What pisses me off about Lucasarts is that they can make such awesome games, but just adding that one detail could make it phenominal. Although I will try to forget about TPM for PC/PSX. I mean COME ON, we'll take the baddest-ass-mofos in the galaxy, and turn them into pansies. Screw you and your millions of dollars Lucas, you corporate whore.

Lack-of-Pie-itis -- Sharkey @ 6:50 pm
Dammit Solo, you know there's no Slice of the Day on weekends. Oh, I forgot Friday you say? I was at work you thankless bastards. On my day off I might add, and I had to listen to everybody whine.

By the way, jya'see a broad t'git dat booty yackem, lay her down and slackem yackem.. CO, got t'be naw man, sheeeit. I's be trippin' off da old skool baby.

Overclocking article -- Sharkey @ 4:51 pm
But not your run-of-the-mill overclocking guide. This article takes the view on the other side of the fence, discussing the dangers beyond cooling problems. Give it a read.

Malthion X candidate -- Sharkey @ 4:10 pm
Dig this one:

A police officer in Minnesota drove past a car and spotted something odd: hair showing over the driver's seat. The 8-year-old boy at the wheel had just driven from nearby Duluth, Minn., over the Bong Bridge to Superior with no mishaps. The boy told investigators his mother had ordered him to drive. "I didn't want to drive, I wanted her to drive, but she made me drive," he told police. "Mom told me what lane to stay in and when to turn." They had traveled from their home in West Duluth to go to a friend's apartment in Superior. "Mom drove to about halfway to the bridge, and she stopped on the side of the road," the boy's statement to police said. "Mom said the light was in her eyes so I had to drive. Mom had been drinking. I then drove onto the freeway and drove over the Bong Bridge because Mom told me to." Charges against the mother were pending.

Saturday, September 18, 1999

Useful information -- Sharkey @ 7:19 pm
Did you know that beer prevents acne? Honest injun' truth. So Bence, if you've got a skin problem, I reccomend boozin' it up with some Molson Ice or whatever canuck beer you drink up there.

Also, did you know that urine is sterile? ......you can drink it. Don't talk about Fight Club.

Suggestions -- Sharkey @ 4:21 pm
Thanks for all the suggestions and offers to help guys. I checked this months bank statement and found that the BAMF service provider has been charging me an extra $5 a month. I checked their site and found out that when they were swallowed by a bigger company, their service plans changed as well. So we've got more space, and like a gig more traffic per month, but I'll still have to do something, cuz we'll pass all that soon. I got a few ideas and I'm taking some suggestions/offers to mind. Bastards didn't even ask about the 5 bucks though.

Wondering what to do -- Sharkey @ 2:21 am
Well, I've got to come up with something. We're reaching our space limit for Badassmofo.com. We already surpassed the bandwidth limit, I'm sure I'll see the bill for that. I hadn't really been paying attention, but we've got a lot of content here. Not to mention the Slice of the Day archive and numerous articles/sections being worked on. I currently pay for the site out of pocket. I have done so because this is something I like to do in my spare time. I want to do a lot more, but an upgrade in server space is just going to cost me more, and will only delay the problem. Running this off my cable modem won't work either, because of the damn bandwidth cap. I want more stuff here like videos, music, and the like, but we haven't got the space. Any suggestions/ideas? I gotta do something.

Just shite -- Sharkey @ 1:54 am
Gotta get some work done on the site tonight. I'm going to compile a list of my favorite posts in the articles section. Does anybody have any suggestions? BTW, a couple of sites to check out in your spare time.

Colorless.com, which just went back up.
Salty-Dog is also back.
Lonestar is back as well. Lots of ressurections lately.

311 Hmmm, nice. -- Bud @ 1:17 am
I just happen to have a copy of the new album, Soundsystem. I find it to be pretty entertaining. It takes a few tracks for the vibe to really kick in but, it has about 7 really good songs. When it comes out pick it up and have you friend with a burner make a copy for you. Then take it back of course.

Did I mention how happy I am that football season has started. I also want to see Bif, naked.

I must concur, it is a good listen. The whole friggin' staff should thank biznitch for it. And that Bif Naked chick is way hot in that Key Lime sorta way. --Sharkey

Friday, September 17, 1999

I h@te Dell -- Sharkey @ 5:59 pm
Today Dell sucks way more than usual. Not only did they take 3 days to figure out what was wrong with that new server (bad DIMM BTW) but they shipped me the wrong damn replacement floppy drive for my machine! How can you screw that up? They have ID numbers on the machine, I specified not only the type of machine, but the type/model number of the disk drive, and it's still the wrong one. They stay boycott of the week!

Jenny gets married -- Sharkey @ 12:42 pm
Hey, looks like Jenny McCarthy got married to director John Asher on September 11th at the Beverly Hills Hotel. One may wonder if McCarthy married the director solely to boost her career, but don't worry about it. Her career is so dead she could have screwed him in the lobby and nobody would have cared. Somebody stick a fork in her.

Awww... -- Sharkey @ 12:31 pm
It's nice to hear all about your day at school doug. Waitaminute...no its not, who gives a shit? Let's check on doug's position description here:

Position: News Poster

Thursday, September 16, 1999

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 9:05 pm
Ahh, today we celebrate the miracle of life. Reese Witherspoon bore the spawn of Ryan Philippe on the 9th, and so we celebrate her new MILF (look it up) status by making her Slice of the Day:

Ahh, so sad she had to get knocked up, especially by that soon-to-be-dead-man Ryan Philippe. Oh well, hopefully she hasn't lost any of this or this. At least Carson Daily never knocked up Jennifer Love Hewitt, so there's still hope.

G4s Stink -- Sharkey @ 8:42 pm
Literally. Saw over at White Ty Affair that the new Apple G4's emit a rank odor during the first few days/weeks of owning one. Check out the Salon article for the whole story.

24 hour tapes -- Mr Mabs @ 5:31 pm
JVC is going to introduce a digital VCR that can record up to 24 hours on a single videocassette. They will debut this November. All I can say is, can you imagine the possibilities of porn and 24-hour tapes?

Heh, dont give Bence any ideas. --Sharkey

Smith on Dogma -- Mr Mabs @ 5:27 pm
Caught this over at Showbizdata.

Kevin Smith is claiming that his film Dogma was caught in a backlash by conservative Catholics against the Walt Disney Co. In an interview with syndicated columnist Liz Smith, the director comments, "When the stuff over Dogma first came up, it wasn't because the Catholic League was mad at me or the film. They were mad at Disney." (At the time, Dogma was to be released by Disney's Miramax unit. It is now set to be released by Lions Gate.) The film is due to open on Nov. 12.

Vegas baby -- Sharkey @ 3:25 pm
Well, we almost took a trip to Vegas last night. I was at Mabs' work yesterday, and when I walked up he says "What are you doing tonight?" I say "Nothing." He says "We're goin' to meet Mox in Vegas." I say, "Aight." We were going to cruise up to Vegas, spend all night in the casino, crash for a few hours, and drive back. Unfortunately Mox ended up not going 'til today. So we kicked back with Bud and discussed future projects for the site. For one thing, I want to know how many of you live close to Vegas. And by close, I mean close enough to drive there.

Wednesday, September 15, 1999

Slice of the day -- Sharkey @ 2:24 pm
Hmm...Today's slice is definitely Forbidden, but I think judging by these pics she'll one day become a Key Lime Slice. Here's LeeLee Sobieski

This one is starting to frighten me. Need more proof of her Key Lime tendencies? Let me present exhibit A and exhibit B. Good thing she became an actress, because she may have been a crack whore otherwise.

Gates: He owns you -- Sharkey @ 3:39 am
Mabs, Mox & I were discussing how rich Bill Gates is. I brought up all the tards who say "He could wipe out the National deficit if he felt like it, but he doesn't so he's evil!" Now, the man could be evil, but for cryin' out loud don't be an idiot. All his money is in MS stock, and if he took it out, he'd crash the stock market and cripple the economy. Then we started talking about what a feeling of power that must be. Mabs said he'd go knocking on the White House's front door, demanding to get laid on the President's bed. "You've got the button? Screw you I'll sell my stock. Oop, while you were contemplating that I bought your nukes. Trying to get them back? I installed 98 on those babies, they ain't goin' anywhere." Then we discussed how if he were a country, his GNP would put him at 9th wealthiest nation in the world. I said if I were him I'd drive around with a bumper sticker like this:

[click for larger image]

That would be the life. Who needs troops? I've got MS employees.

R33T back up -- Sharkey @ 2:43 am
Got news from Nija over at R33t.org that the site was back up and running. I'll be sticking them back into the links slot over yonder -->

A Sad Day For Us All -- Mox @ 12:37 am
Well, I have bad news for everyone - Frustrated passed away last night. You see, I was having sex with her again and she decided to go down on me. Well actually, she was in a coma so she couldn't exactly go down, I just put my dick in her mouth and had a go. The doctor later explained that when I did that, she could no longer breathe. He also explained that people in comas don't swallow very well - what was I supposed to do - blow my load down her I.V.?

--Necessary Legal Notice: Just to let you know, the above statement is a parody, and therefore false. Let me explain a couple of things. One, Mox lives in So. CA., which is nowhere near Nebraska or wherever Frus is supposed to live. Two, Frustrated is not a real person. Frustrated is a character, text on the Web, written by a woman named Jennifer. Mox is a character as well, just ASCII text floating around some server, waiting to downloaded into your machine and read. So try and have a sense of humor. -- Sharkey

Tuesday, September 14, 1999

A job better than mine -- Sharkey @ 10:31 pm
Mind you, I've got a mind-blowingly cool job. But every so often someone comes along and tops me. Somebody like this guy for instance, who was working at Woodstock 99. Oh well, I probably get paid more than that guy. At least I can hope that I do. Thanks to CornCob from Roosh.

Do You Smell What the Rock is Cookin? -- Captain Terror @ 9:37 pm
Well, its been a tough week, but I'm back. With school starting, not to mention football, I've been busier than a polish whore in heat. At least this week started on a cool note, I had 14 suite tickets to WWF Raw is War at the Pond. I know, I know, wrestling is for white trash rednecks, but I have to admit, it was a kick in the ass. They really know how to put on a show. There were some serious dirt bags there, but for every two dirtbags, there was one skanky chick ready to show her tits for the crowd. Now THATS family entertainment. Hopefully soon, I'll have a FF8 review, if Sharkey doesn't beat me to the punch.
Late,
C.T.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 3:47 pm
Today's slice needs no introduction. Shes been spolighted here numerous times, she used to be the resident Forbidden Slice, but moved into Dutch Apple status: Natalie Portman.

Ahh, today I thought we could use some more interesting pics, so I went against the norm for these. Check out Natalie in a um....compromising position. And would you believe it? Natalie in a bikini. Sweeet.

CPU prices cut -- Sharkey @ 3:17 pm
Intel and AMD chip prices were cut again today. Check out this ZDNet article for the full scoop. The PIII 600 was dropped from $669 to $615, and the PIII 550 was dropped from $487 to $423. Quite a few Celeron chips were drastically reduced. Intel lowered the price of the 500MHz Celeron from $167 to $153. The 466MHz Celeron was dropped from $114 to $99. The 433MHz Celeron got the biggest price chop, dropping from $93 to $79. Intel also dropped the 400MHz Celeron chip to $64 from $73.

SoloWatch99 continues -- Sharkey @ 11:51 am
You know what's funny? My high school chemistry teacher's name was Floyd. That guy was the tiniest man I'd ever seen. He couldn't take on Screech from Saved By the Bell, let alone Florida. That's why it would be so hard to be scared in Florida right now. Oh no, FLOYD is coming to kick our asses! Just doesn't sound right. We need a new naming convention for hurricanes. When the biggest hurricane ever is named Floyd, you know somethings wrong. Now, if it were called Zeus or Galactus or something, the people of Florida would have crapped themselves days ago.

Oops, got off on a tangent there. Looks like Stormwatch Solo is still updating. Oh, and can I get a Hell Yeah for concrete storage. I doubt Solo's going anywhere, I just hope there isn't any damage to his home, that would blow ass. Or his pimped out ride. G stands to inherit that sucka. Well, good luck Solo. BTW, here's a great photo from weather.com's frontpage. I go to check the nation's weather and its like: clear, sunny, clear, sunny, overcast, sunny, hurricane. HURRICANE?

Wimmen-folk -- Sharkey @ 11:35 am
Wow, we have more female readers than I thought. A few e-mailed me to let us know that we're not completely sexist. They're right, we're immature as well )

I'd like to think we provide information that's beneficial to everyone, not just the male BAMFs.

WHAT??? -- Sharkey @ 2:20 am
HOLY HANNAH! We have a female reader that I don't know. Geez, I thought that was an impossibility. Not only that, but she likes the site enough to link to it! Have a lookee here and see. Amazing. She's into swing though, maybe it's a Kansas thing. Although I don't remember any big swing movement in MO, which is right next to it. Sabra, pleeeease, I must see a picture of you, as proof of your womanhood.

SoloWatch99 update -- Sharkey @ 2:16 am
Well, I just saw the news report that Florida is in for some rough shit. (Hi, I'm the understatement of the year, how are you?) Solo has signed off, and in his will he left me what looks to be a bitchin' home theatre system. Of course if Solo eats it in the storm (which I hope not) the home theatre would more than likely be swept away quicker'n Toto outta Kansas. Unless, of course, Solo feels like shipping it out of state. For, uh...safe keeping I mean. Good luck Solo, hope you made it to the store before the other million people in Florida.

Monday, September 13, 1999

SoloWatch 99 -- Sharkey @ 5:21 pm
Alrighty everyone, looks like Solo has picked the worst time to move to Florida. I checked out this chart which shows the projected path of the hurricane. I have no idea where anything is in Florida, as I've only been there once. Is this thing gonna hit Disneyworld? I doubt Disney would allow that to happen, they've probably got one of those crazy-ass weather machines like in the movies to protect their piggy-bank.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:08 pm
Today's slice is a special sort of slice. She used to be Lemon Meringue, but not anymore. Now she's sort of indefinable, but still tasty. Here is Pamela Anderson-Lee for your viewing pleasure:

Now I've been thinking, Pam here is an often displayed slice. You see her very often in the pie case showing off her filling. Also, a rarity in pie, you've seen many people enjoying this slice, such as Tommy Lee. Here is a pic showing off those lovely curves, and here is another.

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 4:16 pm
Blue Streak

Not the best Martin Lawrence could do, but still pretty funny. But what do you expect from a PG-13 Martin Lawrence movie? As I'm sure you know from the trailers, it's about a criminal who, just before being caught, stashes a multi-million dollar diamond in a building under construction. Once he gets out, he finds that the building is now a police station, and to get at the diamond he has to disguise himself as a cop. The whole plot is kind of unbeleivable, what with the cops being so fuckin' stupid as to let anyone waltz on in and stay there and promote him. But still, the movie was worth seeing, and it was funny. Go see it when it comes out this weekend if you've got nothing better to do.

Not again... -- Sharkey @ 3:51 pm
Looks like once again they're plotting to have DiCrapppio star as Anakin in Star Wars. Looks like its time to start saving my spare change to hire a hitman.

Brain teaser -- Sharkey @ 12:20 am
That brain teaser on Ramblings took me approximately 21 minutes to finish, with three phone inturruptions(bastards). I think I'm going to let my brain rest for a few minutes.

Sunday, September 12, 1999

Hmmm... -- Sharkey @ 10:28 pm
Anyone remember those TV ads for Blue Diamond Almonds? Remember how they'd be all, "A can a week, that's all we ask."? Well, I didn't ever have a can a week, and now they're not really around much anymore. I'm feeling kind of guilty.

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 4:49 pm
Stir of Echoes

A lot of people are comparing this one to Sixth Sense, and while it doesn't have a better story, it does quite well on its own. If you haven't seen the trailer, Kevin Bacon gets hypnotized and the doors of perception seem to open for him. He sees a ghost of a young girl, and so does his son (who is a cool little kid actor). They spend their time trying to figure out what happened to her, while the mother/wife spends her time worrying (and occasionally getting naked). I'd say this was the best movie to come out this weekend, but barely.

Heh -- Sharkey @ 4:45 pm
Hey Mox, if you're a 9ers fan (which I don't doubt), then you're double bummin' today. They were the Jaguars bitch today.

Bwa-ha ha! -- Sharkey @ 1:27 pm
Thanks to Solo for not only pointing out my ignorance in that last post (Theseus was the one I should've been talking to), but also for sending me this:

Speaking of Mox, somewhere across town he's screaming at Washington for missing that interception just now. Heh, he was hoping that he'd piss everyone off with that post but he only got 1 e-mail about it.

Varsity Blows -- Sharkey @ 12:13 pm
Heh, hey Solo, that scene was the most unbelievable part of the movie. Not that they could win the big game, not that the coach was a psycho, but the fact that anyone could turn down that hot chick in a whipped cream bikini. Dammit Mox what were you thinkin'?

Local news screws it up -- Sharkey @ 11:32 am
Seems that many people were excited about a test screening of Schwarzenegger's new movie End of Days, before the local news fucked it up anyway. Local "wild 'n wacky" news show "Good Day L.A." caught wind of the test screening, and reported that a San Fernando Valley theatre would be screening the film, and asked viewers to attend the screening and to fax or call in their reviews. What these nimrods did not realize is that film companies have test screenings for small crowds with no advance knowledge of what they will see for a reason. Universal quickly pulled the screening, causing even more LA area residents to hate "Good Day L.A." and it's wacky crew.

Pauly Shore delusional -- Sharkey @ 11:10 am
After entertaining everyone as a lovable idiot on the big screen and MTV, Pauly Shore believes that his career is not yet over. At least he hopes so.

"I just want to creep back, I have experience, and I believe in myself again, and I'm passionate about my work and what I'm doing," Shore says in the October issue of Spin magazine. "And if I can keep thinking like that, then I'm going to be better than I was."

Saturday, September 11, 1999

Second rule of Fight Club... -- Sharkey @ 10:21 pm
I know, I know, don't talk about Fight Club. But I saw the trailer earlier and I have to know what song is playing towards the end. Anybody have the answer? That tune is driving me nuts.

Life Lesson -- Sharkey @ 9:11 pm
Today's life lesson comes from Captain Terror, who has been absent from the page lately, most likely due to the release of Dreamcast and FF8.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

YEEEESSS!!! -- Sharkey @ 9:02 pm
That's right, I'm the man. I've managed to pull this poor little NT box out of 16 color Hell.(not 16-bit, 16 colors only) Stupid Dell Optiplex machines with their built-in shit. Took me a bunch of driver installs, registry editing and a lot of cursing to get this thing out of the red. But it's back. It still looks like crap compared to my awesome home machine, but ya takes what ya can get. So, in closing I say that the Badassmofo.com boycott of the week is Dell, even though they have some superior customer service (if you're a company anyway), their products still bite my ass.

Bored -- Sharkey @ 7:33 pm
Well, I'm bored. And as everyone should know, when I get bored I get a little liberal (not the political viewpoint mind you) with the usage of my supreme powers. Who gets it today? Hmmm...

::Waves his supreme hand::

Ooh, sorry Anthony Michael Hall but your career has been destroyed by my powers. Wait, he destroyed his career all on his own. Lemme try this again...

::Waves his supreme hand again::

AAAh, that's more like it. I declare by my supreme powers that L. Ron Hubbard is no longer allowed to write books post-humously. That guy's written more books after his death than he did when he was alive. Ooh, and as a bonus to Mr. Mabs, all unions that are detrimental to the US and it's workers are now abolished (which is a lotta damn unions!) I also demand that the band Soundgarden get back together. Heh, my hand is almost as busy as Bence's today.

People suck -- Sharkey @ 3:31 pm
Watching these stupid MTV awards. Ok, what jackass decided to give Madonna a music video award? You're only encouraging her folks! I was hoping this would be the last we saw of her, but NOOOO. Now she's all happy and promises to keep on making her lame-ass music. Good job. GREAT. Now TLC is singing. Someone hit me over the head with a hammer.

Movie review -- Sharkey @ 3:17 am
Stigmata

Wow, this is one messed up movie. Do not go see this if you are prone to epileptic seizures, and even if not, bring some sunglasses. First off, the music goes really well with the camera work in this movie. Everything moves really fast. The story follows a woman who has taken on the wounds of the Stigmata, which are the five wounds of Jesus. A priest is sent from the Vatican to find out what's really happening, and then everything goes haywire. The movie is really good, and will provoke some thought. But still, it will hurt the eyes at some points. Mox said Stir of Echoes was better, but I'll see both anyway.

Friday, September 10, 1999

Hey Solo -- Sharkey @ 8:18 pm
Hey man, Tatoo is dead. And Gary Coleman has vanished off the face of the Earth. I was all psyched to meet him too. Still, I think Mini-Me could take Willow. Warwick Davis is a fat little guy now. I think that was an oxymoron.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:42 pm
Today's type of slice is a first on Slice of the Day. Today we spotlight our resident Bitch slice, Shannen Doherty:

See kids, looks can be quite deceiving can't they? Need more proof? Scope this pic. And of course, one more for good measure.

Midgets -- Sharkey @ 2:28 pm
I suppose some of you may have noticed the reoccurence of midgets in my posts. I suppose I should let you know why I've been posting about them so much lately.

I came up with this great idea the other day when I was at lunch with some people. I thought, this place would be so much better if midgets were doing cartwheels, breathing fire, that sort of thing. Then I started asking people, wouldn't you pay to see midgets entertaining you during your meal, maybe even doing like medieval jousting and fighting? Everyone said it was a phenominal idea. I mean, midgets cartwheel around, a couple breathe fire, and then a big showdown! Who wouldn't pay to see that?

Mabs was first to agree he'd pay heavily to see it while he ate. It would be the worlds finest dinner theatre. Mox had a great addition: Midget ponies that the fighters can ride around on. How hilarious would that be?

Now, I'm sure some people won't see the genius in this moneymaking venture, and will even call it degrading to the midgets. I say screw you, we'd treat our midgets like gold. I'd pay them heavily, I love midgets, they kick ass. We could even get famous midgets to duel, like Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) to fight Warwick Davis (Willow). I'm telling ya, it'll make millions.

Natalie on SW -- Sharkey @ 2:20 pm
Dig this little excerpt:

Portman also revealed Episode II will be her last Star Wars film and confessed she got a little flipped out at the prospect of marrying Anakin. When asked about whether she ever thought she'd play Luke Skywalker's mom, Portman replied "No, George [Lucas] is like, 'You're gonna be the Queen'. I was like, 'Great!' Then Rick told me that she gets married to Anakin. I was like, 'ooook'."

Thursday, September 09, 1999

Nice one Solo -- Sharkey @ 9:24 pm
Damn, those are the nicest pics of Jodie Foster I have ever seen.

Mox gets SOME!!! -- Mox @ 9:18 pm
Well, I had sex with Frustrated last night. She's in a coma you say? Even better, no talking and no cuddling after - she's pretty good for a vegetable.

--NOTE: The views of Mox are not necessarily the views of Badassmofo.com or it's staff and should not be reproduced or re-broadcast without the express written consent of Badassmofo.com. Void where prohibited, offer void in Utah. Please tip your waitress. --Sharkey

Gracias -- Sharkey @ 7:40 pm
Heartfelt thanks go out to biznitch for giving me access to the new 311 album, and making this day much better than it was before.

Ahh, screw it. -- Sharkey @ 5:30 pm
Enough of this bitching. My life's better than most. And just after I wrote that last sentence, they brought my food and I got it for free. Am I paying for old, cold food? Fuck no.

What did I do? -- Sharkey @ 5:05 pm
So the trend continues. First off, I flip a couple of channels, and what do I see? A MIDGET!!! I'm happy for the half second he's on the TV before it switches to: Star Trek. Now that I'm sufficiently upset, I check online to see if I can download that new 311 single Come Original. I find an FTP server with it, upload sufficeintly, and set it to download. Then the doorbell rings. My food! So I go down, pay the guy a nice tip, and walk in with my food. Or so I think. The bag is extremely large for my $7 order. So I look and see a tub, and some bags. I look at the reciept and see that he gave me someone's $26 order. Now, normally I would have kept it, but these people ordered complete shit, so I run out and tell the guy to give me the right food. Of course he can't, because some other delivery driver has it. So he gives me my money back and promises to return with the food. Fuck that. So I come back in and see that the ftp server disconnected during the download, and I didn't get shit. Then just now as I was typing, some jackass keeps calling and hanging up. Tomorrow better be a banner day, or I'm blowing something up. Probably that KFC.

Uuugh... -- Sharkey @ 4:18 pm
Well, today already sucks. I woke up early, only to fall asleep. I get asked to do a favor, and go pick up my younger sister, and take her to some golf course. Of course, she's late, has the absolute worst directions ever. Every right was actually a left, and vice versa. No joke, every single one. Then I decide I need some soda from the store, so I go there and spend most of my time trying to drown out the inane crap spewing out of the employees' mouths. The line takes a day and a half, and I start plotting to dismember people. I eventually get home, decide I want food. I remembered the commercial the other day that said KFC brought back their Popcorn Chicken(one of the only things I like from that shithole). So I call the nearest one and ask for a bigass batch of Popcorn Chicken. The lady takes my order, is ending the call and says, "Wait, we don't have Popcorn Chicken anymore, I'm sorry what else can I get you?" So now I'm fuckin' SOL on the Popcorn Chicken, but I'm starving so I get chicken strips. They'll be here in 30 minutes BTW. Bet the food sucks my ass.

I should've bought a damn Dreamcast. That might have saved this day. You know what would cheer me up right now? Midgets. That's what you get for the man who has everything.

Dumb ideas -- Sharkey @ 2:11 pm

1. Make a Wizard of Oz prequel.
2. Think that just because you're out of bed, you'll stay awake.
3. Live life without cable. Smack your dad, G.
4. Just stand there as some guy swings a lightsaber at you. Move DAMMIT!

I'm awake -- Sharkey @ 10:57 am
In the AM. Somebody congratulate me.

Wednesday, September 08, 1999

Greetings Capsters!! -- Captain Terror @ 10:51 pm
Well it looks like the big C.T. has finally made it to the main page. I'm not really sure what to say on my first post. Sharkey told me to try and say something interesting or funny or just make fun of Doug. I figured the latter would be too easy, so I'll just try to keep it plane and simple and try not to piss anyone off. (At least not yet). Be sure to check out Mofo Games to get the latest gaming news. Remember, I scour the web for gaming info. so you don't have to. (Not to mention I have a lot of time on my hands)
Late,
C.T.

BOO-YAH! -- Sharkey @ 7:17 pm
Thanks to Solo for the pics. I'm hungry now.

Hmmm... -- Sharkey @ 7:13 pm
Time to post some mail:

I told him it was a misunderstanding so he removed it. If you want to fight him because of what I do, and carry out a silly misunderstanding this far then go ahead.

He's under tremendous stress. He has other thing to worry about than whether or not he offends sparky...i mean sharkey. :)

Anyway you posted about me on your page so I win. :)

A. It fed her ego.
B. It brought her hits.

Tough choice -- Sharkey @ 6:36 pm
Ok everyone, which of these icons symbolizes Badassmofo.com to you most?

Tards -- Sharkey @ 4:40 pm
Geez, will someone shut that guy UP?!? Let me get this straight, I'm not a good human being because of this??? Because I appreciate the female form? Because I can joke about things like that? I talk to women every day, and not one has ever labeled me a sexist. I talk about the pie in front of, around, and with women. They don't mind, it's all in good humor. You're telling me that because some fuckwit that's been left at the helm doesn't have a sense of humor, I'm a bad guy? Give me a break jackass, you don't even know me. You don't know Solo, and you don't know Schlyer or the guys at Ramblings. You rant about how people shouldn't be attacking Frus while she's in the hospital, and in the meantime you attack everyone possible. I wish she'd get better, that way she could defend herself, and I wouldn't have to hear your inane ranting. Go bitch at someone else.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 4:15 pm
Today's slice comes from one of my favorite magazines. She's apparently a model, who wants to be a singer. Great, more muting to do. Anyway, here is the lovely Caprice:

Buttons -- Sharkey @ 3:11 pm
Got a few submissions for link buttons, quite good too. But there was one that stood out as quite funny. I doubt we'll be using it, but it does kick ass. Check out what I mean:

Thanks to Mitch, for disliking doug enough to send us this.

Overclocking -- Sharkey @ 2:26 pm
Interesting stuff up right now over at Overclocker's Workbench, including this article which describes what I'm most likely going to be doing later this month when I upgrade.

DHC -- Sharkey @ 2:23 pm
Dance Hall Crashers had a new album out called Purr and I didn't even know. It's pretty good too, if you're into them I suggest you go pick it up.

Tuesday, September 07, 1999

Had to make me comment... -- Sharkey @ 11:27 pm
Dammit, I'm sick of this crap. Someone has misconstrued my earlier post, where I quoted Frus from her first impression of the site. I was not mocking her, I was not attacking her. I am probably one of the few people around here who actually likes Frus. I don't agree with her on most issues, but I can respect opinions nonetheless. That post down there was a tribute to the "old days". I'll be the first to admit that I miss her ragging on us. I just wish she'd get out of the hospital, because apparently she's left the tards at the helm. Her goon squad sticking up for her while she's gone is making her look bad.

Although Blizzard does rule.... -- Sharkey @ 9:32 pm
I was just thinking about the old days before Blizzard was the badass (although always slow) company that it is. Remember Death & Return of Superman for SNES? Or Blackthorne? That was when Blizzard was Interplay's bitch. Heh, then one fateful day Adham decides to make (sne*ripoff*eze) Games Workshop games on PC. The funny thing is that Interplay is (was actually) like 2-3 blocks from Blizzard South (when it was 2 buildings). Bet Interplay wishes it had done things a bit differently back then.

While thinking about all this, it reminded me that I haven't checked Nebu's EQ Journal this week. Nothing much there. I wondered if Shlonglor still got an assload of visitors even though he updates weekly. Yep. Now, to Frank and Jason, this is why there should be no Everquest playing. Shlonglor ran bitchin' sites, until he got bit by the EQ bug. Bastards got ol' Shlonglor, and even renamed him. Sons of whores.

Wow, see that, I've learned something in this post. When the women haven't brought me my food, and I'm hungry, I start rambling. Where's my dinner?!?!

I hate this machine -- Sharkey @ 9:12 pm
Something's up with the tables over at Ramblings. I have to scroll to the right to read everything with this stupid 800x600 resolution. I can imagine the crappiness on a 640x480 screen.

Hrmm -- Sharkey @ 7:33 pm
I was cruising around some sites just now, and I realized that we don't have one of those little "link to me" buttons, like:

and

I thought about making one back when I first started this here nuthouse, but never got around to it. Anybody out there feel like it? I doubt I'll have time to get around to it.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:46 pm
I had to bring back this former SOtD, because BA-DAM, these are some good ones. Here is recurring slice: Kari Wuhrer.

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 3:46 pm
Thomas Crown Affair

Who said that? -- Sharkey @ 3:01 pm
Heh, I was just perusing the archives and came across this quote from another site.

Some of the others with the exception of geeklife seemed rather pointless and juvenile, not to mention totally sexist. One was called "bad mofo" or something.

Shite -- Sharkey @ 2:09 pm
You know, I remember awhile back when I had a contest for a new poster. I remember I did it so I'd have someone other than myself posting every day, so that on a day like this where I wake up at 2PM there'd be some posts. (Luckily Bud stepped in.)

Whipped Cream All Over -- Bud @ 1:25 pm
I just got back form a lovely little vacation over the holiday weekend. Did some serios drinkin'. Anyway, I jumped on the site to see what I missed and I fell in love with whipped cream. Then I went to check out all the links and saw more chicks in whipped cream on roosh(I think that was it). Then I went to ramblings and saw the joke pic of frustrated, what the hell is up with that? Some people just have no class.

Monday, September 06, 1999

Whipped Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 4:16 pm
Ahh, I love reader submissions. Especially when they submit stuff like today's Slice of the Day: Salma Hayek.

Special thanks to A. Rosteck for today's special "whipped" slice. If you wanted more, you're in luck. Here's more Salma in whipped cream, and then one more for good measure.

*Whew* -- Sharkey @ 3:16 pm
I would like to say a special thanks to Solo for that pic of the chick from Varsity Blues. I now have a new mission in life, thanks to you. And whipped cream makes anything better, especially the pie.

Stupid people... -- Sharkey @ 3:07 pm
Here's another candidate for the Malthion X plan. Jimmy Haakansson, a Swedish thief, claims that if two police officers assigned to guard him had done their job, he wouldn't have been able to leap through a courthouse window and hurt himself. Now Haakansson, 39, is suing for $2,450. Police allegedly left Haakansson alone with his attorney in a third-floor office to discuss his arrest on charges of receiving stolen property. When police were out of the room, Haakansson jumped out the unsecured window and fell to the ground. He wants damages from the state for the injuries he suffered. It was not clear when the government would rule on his claim.

Sunday, September 05, 1999

Something while I'm waiting -- Sharkey @ 8:57 pm
Just a quick one while waiting for my food to be brought to me (by a woman, how d'ya like that Solo?). I've got this great idea doug, post something interesting. I know you've got it in ya, I've seen it before. I don't give a shit that you piddled around and did nothing. Post about something. This isn't Sienfeld dammit. And don't gimme that "E/N" shit either, it's not literal.

Birthdays -- Mr Mabs @ 7:49 pm
Birthday wishes go out to MPAA President Jack Valenti, who turns 78 years old today. Hope the old fuckhead chokes on birthday cake. And birthday greetings go out to resident Key Lime slice Rose McGowan, who turns 25. I suggest to celebrate you should rent Doom Generation and laugh at her acting skills, while ogling her assets.

Not too hard up for the $... -- Mr Mabs @ 7:46 pm
A man walked into the Walgreen's Pharmacy in Torrence CA. on Friday and pulled a gun on 3 employees, demanding $500 and two bottles of Viagra. What I'd like to know is, how could you take any guy with a gun seriously if he demands Viagra? I mean, he wouldn't even be able to look you in the eyes, let alone boss you around. How can you act like a hardass when everything else is soft?

War 3 announcement -- Sharkey @ 3:12 pm
Yep, just as I thought, Blizzard has announced Warcraft 3 at the ECTS show. I'm doing everything I can to not look at the screenshots, or wallpapers, or anything about it. Why? Because I know however long Blizzard says it will be before it comes out, it will really be a year later.

The way it is. -- Sharkey @ 2:54 am
I went to the bookstore earlier today. I had a few general ideas of books I'd like to get. I walked through the computer section, business section, fiction, non-fiction, magazines, just scanning around for something that looked good. I went up to the Starbucks they've put in there and got one of those Italian Sodas. Then I went over to one of the comfy couch-like chairs and sat down with a few selections. Then I thought to myself, this is why Amazon.com can't replace a bookstore. It doesn't even come close for me for a few key reasons, which I will share now:

1. I don't want a book tomorrow, or the day after, or next week. I want it now dammit.
2. I want to have a good look at this book before I buy it. Just because some knob in Delaware thought it was good don't make it so. And your little crap overview isn't good enough.
3. Lastly, I want to sit down in a comfy chair while I skim through books. My PC chair isn't so comfortable for a reason, so that I don't sit in front of this machine all day.

Saturday, September 04, 1999

Spreading the good word... -- Sharkey @ 3:32 pm
Does a reader submission count if we know the reader? Ah, who cares. This pic was delivered to me by Mabs, this is the office of some friends/readers. But, what have we on the back wall there? Click on the image for a closer look.

Mab's Rant -- Mr Mabs @ 4:18 am
So I get home from work today and check out a few sites I hit regularly, and come across this on Showbiz.com �Catholic Group Stigmatizes Stigmata�. Well what do you know our favorites hypocrites the Catholic League are back. Why can�t they just go away to Bible Camp? (This one time, at Bible Camp, I stuck a hundred-dollar bill in my priest�s hand) As you might remember the same group was involved with Disney�s Miramax having to drop Kevin Smith�s Dogma from the release schedule. (Now set to open with lions Gate a the distributor on 11-12-99) In a statement William Donohue head of the League cries that Stigmata is �a vehicle for making a political attack on the Catholic Church �. He goes on to say that its good that the movie sucks so bad that all the hype and special effects could not save this film from making money. WOW! All this and he admits to only see the preview. What a fucking knob! Dorohue also goes on the say that �nothing cad redeem this bomb of a movie� Well I can tell you what will get him to shut up $. If this movie (along with Dogma) can make money maybe just maybe he will take his crusade back to church, play with some alter boy and leave us the fuck alone.

Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 3:21 am
Outside Providence

Blizzard not just slow w/games -- Sharkey @ 3:06 am
So I get a letter today from Blizzard South. I figure it might be something about Diablo2 or War2BNE Beta testing, right? Wrong. It is a letter thanking me for "my interest in Blizzard Entertainment, though unfortunately there are no positions open at this time." All I'm thinking is WTF? Why did they send me this? Then I remember when I submitted a resume to Blizzard like an eon ago, and I'm guessing that they just got around to a rejection letter now. Jeez, I thought they were lazy when Starcraft got delayed for a year, then this comes along. Oh, and to Shaggy, I know what the big news is, I mean, what's left?

Friday, September 03, 1999

Blizzard's site -- Sharkey @ 1:43 pm
Have yourselves a look at Blizzard.com. Gee, I wonder what it could mean. I wonder if Nebu will take a break from EQ to play. Doubtful, once your'e hooked on Evercrack, it's a long and winding road back.

Hmmm... -- Sharkey @ 2:57 am
Does anybody out there play Tribes? I've been thinking about starting up a Badassmofo.com Tribes clan, which may spill over into a Quake clan. Anybody have any thoughts, comments, etc.?

Mail time -- Sharkey @ 12:39 am
Sharkey reaches into the mailbag and pulls out this one:

what the hell did you put in Mr Mabs's food man? I've been going to the site for a while and mabs posted like once or twice a month, and all of the sudden he starts becoming like a regular poster!?

Oh, and what's with doug's bitchiness lately? Upset that he's back in school, eh?

No, he's upset he's a fag from canada.

Thursday, September 02, 1999

Eh? -- Sharkey @ 10:50 pm
WTF? What we have here is a failure to communicate. Why is doug getting these messages? I've never received a hosting request from anyone. We have e-mail for a reason folks.

Oh, and what's with doug's bitchiness lately? Upset that he's back in school, eh?

Damn you Dr. Watson! -- Sharkey @ 7:18 pm
Stupid Winnt, and stupid Dr. Watson. I had a huge-ass rant all typed up, and it was all ready to go, and a damn error occurs and Dr. Watson throws IE out the window. Lost the whole thing. I hate updating on this machine.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 6:39 pm
Today's slice has been out of the limelight for a bit, but I still love that smile: Samantha Mathis

Random Thought -- Mr Mabs @ 6:33 am
And to prove that men rule the world Porn video production is up 25% this year.

(ABC News)

Who's Your Daddy? -- Mr Mabs @ 5:33 am
So Puff Daddy said that sales of his second album �Forever� were nothing but a number. Well that had to be said before Christina Aguilera�s self-titled album smoked PD�s newest offering by more than 50,000 units sold. Oh well I guess its just another case of the man keeping him down.

In other music news you have to see the new video by Weird Al �all About the Pentium� Its fucking funny for about the next 15 minutes

*Sigh* I hate you Kenny... -- Sharkey @ 3:49 am
Stupid ass Windows, and Winamp. For some reason Winamp would'nt change the icons for mp3s. So I go into Winamps preferences, and change the icon. Then Windows starts fuckin' up icons for everything. Control Panel apps, video files, everything.

Wednesday, September 01, 1999

Presidential wood -- Sharkey @ 8:44 pm
It's been there for months, but I just saw this pic over at Shugashack. Wonder what he was looking at before this picture was taken? Probably not Hillary.

Update: It has come to my attention that the above link does not work. Try this one instead.

Today's User Friendly -- Sharkey @ 7:23 pm
I especially want Mabs to see today's User Friendly. Flash back to last December. Mabs is busy professing the greatness of the Lego Mindstorms. Now, I have always loved Legos. They will always have that special spot in my heart, and I still have all my Legos from when I was a kid. Now, Mabs was telling me how he got $200 worth of these Mindstorm things. I tell him, you're too lazy to turn on your PC, how are you going to install the software, build the Legos, and get them working? He is not concerned. Skip ahead to 8 months later, where Mabs asks me, "Hey, want to buy my Lego Mindstorms, never been opened?"

The only point to this story is that Mabs and I like pointing out how lazy the other person is. This was a fun and easy way to do so.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:05 pm
Today's slice is one of my old favorites. She's an older slice than most, but far from stale. Today's slice is Ashley Judd:

Here's a nice pic of Ashley in a stunning black number, and here's another one showcasing the caboose. She's the only good thing to come out of the Judd family, ever.

GRRRR.... -- Sharkey @ 6:38 pm
So I went down to the bookstore today, read some books. That's one thing Amazon.com hasn't got on actual bookstores, I can't read them before I buy them. What good is a tech manual if it sucks? Anyway, I saw some pre-1995 book on running a web server, and thought I might be able to find a recent one at another bookstore nearby. Coincidentally, that bookstore replaced the previous bookstore there that I used to work at, which was the first job I ever had.

The new version of the bookstore only sells remainders, which are books drastically marked down by the publisher because of lack of sales, updated version, softcover version, etc. So I'm looking around, and the place just starts to piss me off. They basically bastardized the place I loved to work at so much. They even stole our old signs. The damn back door which had this elaborate lock on it (that we put on) had the lock disabled, because as the clerk put it, "Nobody knows the combination." Was I going to tell him that its 5-3-1-2? Fuck no, little store bastardizing sonuvabitch ain't gettin' any help from this MoFo. I walked the store and saw the extravagant prices that they were charging on books that I know for a fact that they're getting for half a buck to 3 bucks. It was like going back to a place that I lived in for years, and found the new residents throwing their fecal material on the walls of my old room. It was upsetting. Needless to say, I didn't make any purchases. Punks are lucky I didn't go ape-shit in the store. I doubt I'll go back there again, what's that old saying, "You can never go home again." Can't beleive they bastardized my damn store.

Adios you lame-ass fad! -- Sharkey @ 3:10 pm
HA! Kiss them Beanie Babies goodbye, because the Ty company is retiring all of them at the end of the year. This revelation has caused millions of fat housewives to rush out to toy stores in a panic, most likely forgetting their starving children at home.

Gaming News Headlines -- Sharkey @ 3:17 am
As you've probably noticed, I stuck a gaming news ticker in the upper right hand corner. This will display each day's gaming news, for those of you who care, yet don't feel like checking the page right now. This permits all the day's news to be right here on the main page where I like it. Enjoy.

Old News for August

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