Any news, comments, pie? Send it

Cocaine fish fillets -- Mr Mabs @ 8:37 pm
Nearly 3,000 pounds of cocaine was discovered hidden beneath a shipment of fish fillets from Equador. Customs officials say it may be another inside smuggling job at Miami International Airport. An estimated 2720 pounds of cocaine, worth approximately $21 million, was wrapped in wax paper hidden beneath the fish filets. I guess this is a good way to throw off the scent for police dogs, but do you really want your smack smellin' like a stank ho?

Birthday Greetings -- Mr Mabs @ 8:22 pm
Electric not-so-youthful former singer Debbie Gibson turned 29 today.

The funny thing about this post is the fact that Mabs asked me what song Debbie Gibson sang and it took us a long while before we remembered. --Sharkey

Superman custody battle -- Sharkey @ 3:30 pm
Bummer for DC. According to this article, the wife and daughter of the late Jerry Siegel (Superman co-creator) have revoked the transfer of copyright owned by DC. This means that from April 16, 1999 and on, DC owes half of it's Superman related revenue to them. This means comics, toys, movies, tv shows, theme park rides, and any other revenue brought in by big blue. This could be big trouble for DC, seeing as how Supes is thier biggest draw. Check out the story for more.

IE5 Bug Patched -- Sharkey @ 2:31 pm
If you're an IE5 user, you probably know about that bug in the software that allows ActiveX scripts to take control of your machine. Microsoft has since patched IE5 to fix the problem, and you can download it at their FTP site.

MoFo Gaming -- Sharkey @ 3:44 am
Well, in case you're blind or just inattentive, the gaming section is up. All gaming related news will be posted there, but any really big gaming news will also be posted here. Go check it out.

Box Office News -- Mr Mabs @ 3:17 am
Sixth Sense was number one at the box office again with a weekend total of 20 million and a grand total now of over 140 million. Thirteenth Warrior was number two with 10.2 million and in number three was Runaway Bride with just over 6 million. In other movie news the new Indiana Jones movie is due out in 2005. Harrison Ford will be 63 at that time but Lucas has to finish Star Wars, and Spielberg has prior engagements.

(showbizdata.com)

Nice, real nice. -- Sharkey @ 1:04 am
Good goin' Dr. dipshit. The complaints about you had almost completely died down. People were raggin' on Lucky instead of you, and either liked you or didn't care. Now everybody's pissed at you again. Was that your plan the whole time? If so, it was a really stupid plan.

Monday, August 30, 1999

WTF? -- Sharkey @ 6:32 pm
doug, why did you hack Solo's site? What purpose did this serve? If a bamf has a problem with someone, they do it in plain sight, no need for any dickin' around behind the scenes.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 2:23 pm
Today's slice is special, because it's our first ever M.I.L.F. slice! If you don't know what a MILF is, go see American Pie now, and consider yourself an uneducated lout. Here's the epitome' of MILF: Cindy Crawford.

Yeah, we were all sad when we heard she'd been knocked up. Her dutch apple status faded away into MILF. But she's still lookin' good. Here's a pic of Cindy on the couch, and here's a B&W pic of Mrs. Crawford.

Site stuff -- Sharkey @ 3:46 am
As you can see, Lucky's Rants has replaced The Bunker, which has moved to the articles section. Whoopdy-shite. I'm sure Wags won't mind, he hasn't updated that thing since before we became Badassmofo.com.

Bathroom revelations -- Sharkey @ 3:31 am
There I was, sitting on the can when I had one of those inanely stupid startling revalations. Now, one time somebody made me watch some of that Star Trek show with that 7 of 9 chick, and the female captain. Now, that Jeri Ryan is hot, but that female captain pissed me off from the moment I saw her. I don't know why, but I wanted to smack her repeatedly. I thought it was just because she was bitchy. But just now, on the crapper, the answer came to me. I was reading PC Accelerator and the stupid Trek section came up and talked about her, and it hit me: She's the whorish bitch ex-wife of Billy Crystal in Throw Momma From the Train. That's why I've hated her all this time, that's why I can't stand to watch her. The weird thing is that this hasn't been of any concern to me, just one of those passing thoughts that can only come to a man on the shitter.

Sunday, August 29, 1999

Lucky and The Wizard -- Sharkey @ 11:53 pm
Wow, I hadn't checked Lucky's Rants yet, looks like he got right to work. Maybe if he kicks some ass over there, I'll let him back over here. But for now, he'll have to sit in his corner and be good.

Oh, and that kid from the Wizard sucked at Mario 3. Lucas was kicking the crap outta him until that lucky punk found the whistle. Kid needed tips from the Nintendo helpline too, puss. "I love my Powerglove. It's so bad." Anybody else remember how stupid the Powerglove was? I took one look at that thing and said "EES CRAAP!"

Ha-Ha. -- Sharkey @ 11:48 pm
Let's all point and laugh at doug, and his sad existence in school up in Canadia. I'll share the two secrets of success in high school doug. Bullshitting, and lackeys. Me and Wags had lackeys for everything, and could bullshit our way into or out of anything. It helped immensely. Boy, if I could go back to high school....I wouldn't. Heh, even with more money, nicer car, hotter chicks, I still wouldn't go back to that shithouse. Anybody here ever go to Irvine High School in So. CA? That place sucked. And if I ever see me and Wags' old guidance counselor Mr. Samuels, I'm gonna kick that old bitch in the nuts.

Rental Movie Review -- Sharkey @ 10:21 pm
Blood, Guts, Bullets, & Octane

Stupid GAP -- Sharkey @ 2:46 pm
Geez, could I hate that new "Mellow Yellow" GAP commercial any more? Doubtful. For some reason I actually liked that last one where they were singing that lame-ass "Dress you up in my love" song. Maybe because the chicks were hotter. Let's just hope they don't put the Macarena in there or something. Somebody shoot the GAP execs who pulled this outta their asses.

Ouch -- Sharkey @ 2:38 pm
Keeping with the theme of funny injury videos, here's another good one. This guy needs a little more practice, and maybe a doctor.

Movie Reviews -- Sharkey @ 1:54 am
The 13th Warrior

Saturday, August 28, 1999

AAAAGH! -- Sharkey @ 9:32 pm
Dammit doug, I'm going to kill you. Better yet, I'll have the Giver kill you.

Len & Gary -- Sharkey @ 1:32 pm
Yes, Len sucks my left nut. The chick goes from looking like a stank ho, to good, then back to a stank ho. It's confusing. Isn't the band Len from your homeland of Canadia doug?

And concerning Gary, I put up his e-mail about that video weeks ago, did you miss it or something? That little bastard hasn't e-mailed me since.

Boycott Len -- Mr Mabs @ 4:10 am
Badassmofo boycott of the week: Len
That�s right the band Len, you know the people who sing that annoying song �Steal My Sunshine�. They are nothing but a pile of steaming dog shit, no not even steaming the are cold mushy yesterdays dog shit! First off I never liked there song even before if was overplayed and second I just read an article about the band in the new Entertainment Weekly. With phrases like �What a dope dude� whom are these posers trying to fool? I have no idea where this post is going I am really fucked up and I hate Len and besides they rip on our favorite retard Kid Rock.

What's up with that? -- Sharkey @ 1:12 am
Man, not one post yesterday. Nada, zip, zero. That's the first time in like 6 months. Oh well, probably won't happen again, I just had a lot of work to do yesterday.

Thursday, August 26, 1999

Daaaaammmn Gina!!! -- Bud @ 11:58 pm
Looks like Martin Lawrence has the newest wieght loss program. Seems like all you need to do is put on every piece of clothing you have, take a long jog around the Hollywood Hills in the middle of a very hot summer day. Then you get back to the house and pass out unconcious on your front door step. After that you slip into a coma for a day and spend the rest of the wek in the hospital. I'm sure that you can drop and easy 25lbs. on a day like that. Just send Martin 29.95 for the video and he'll throw in a free flannel work out jumpsuit.

Can't please 'em all -- Sharkey @ 10:54 pm
Let me revert to "old Shlonglor" style for a second, and post some reader mail:

...I think you should take Doug's suggestion, and "banish" Lucky to a section of the page, not the main E/N news page...

What the fuck. I emailed you like every ten minutes about doug being stupid and you kept that anal wart around for months, and lucky gets booted after like a week? Even if 3 out of four posts of his were shit he's still got a better batting average than doug.

Ask and ye shall receive -- Sharkey @ 10:20 pm
Well, after around 20 complaints, numerous misspellings and only one decent post, Lucky is gone. I told Mabs yesterday that his posts have been stupid, and that he would have one more day to prove himself. Unfortunately, he did not. Even got doug riled up a bit. Oh well, no hard feelings Lucky, but it was your own fault. You asked repeatedly for posting rights, and promised to come up with funny stories and good commentary. You failed to make good on that promise, so I took away your posting rights.

Lucky's Mail bag -- Lucky @ 8:22 pm
I like doing Mail that i recieve from my huge fan base... the best part is though that almost every single one of them is a bash on Doug. Well here is the latest.

From: "Mitch"
Subject: Games

How about a game called, "Slap that bitch doug until he cries".

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:07 pm
Today's slice was drunkedly requested by Mox: Angie Everheart.

Here's a nice pic of Angie lying on the sand, and here's a sweet B&W pic. Nice choice Mox. Hey, remember how Wags brought me back a tazer from Guam? Well, Mox was it's first victim. And he did it himself. *ZZZAP* "AAIE!" *ZZZAAAP*"AAAAGH!" *ZZZAAP* "AAAIE! It stings!!!" No shit, seriously, that guy will do anything with a few beers in him.

Re: The Truth -- Sharkey @ 4:37 pm
Alright, gather 'round, it's time for Sharkey to do some truth-tellin'. See, back in the day, I was a struggling MoFo. I was wandering around the the streets, giving advice, ranting, generally entertaining people. But the police thought I was a nut and threw me in the pokey. That's when Bill came to see me. He appeared in a puff of black smoke, and told me that he could help. He would let my voice be heard, that for the next year my words would be read the world over. He got me out, and fueled this site, and helped shape it into what it is today. Things were going great until yesterday, when that familiar black puff of smoke appeared.

"MWA-HA-HAAA!! Sharkey, you have done well, but the time of reckoning is near. And with my vast fortune, and the power of Badassmofo.com behind me, my plans for world domination will be complete!" He then dissapeared into the smoke again, citing something about OJ's time of reckoning.

Unfortunately, my time is almost up. The appearance of Badassmofo.com in the MS database can only mean that the zero hour is at hand. This site will revert to it's cold-hearted former self: a Microsoft.com mirror. That is, unless you donate $50 to the Save the MoFo Fund. E-mail me for the address, and perhaps we can save this little cornerstone of the 'Net. You can make a difference!

Anyway, some or all or none of that may have actually happened....more or less.

Barbie's gams make good fingers -- Sharkey @ 1:27 pm
Dug this up from the Daily Buzz:

Barbie is doing her part for medical science. Barbie's long legs make good knuckles for prosthetic fingers, according to Jane Bahor, who makes body parts for amputees at Duke University Medical Center. Bahor has used knees from retired Barbie dolls to make new fingers for about a dozen patients.

Bad Ass Gaming -- Lucky @ 12:17 am
You all have been hearing about it, Sharkey has been saying he will do it for the past 10 months. And now... Finally, We are going to ask for what kind of features and\or games you expect to see on a Bad ass gaming site. Just drop me an e-mail and Ill pass the ideas along to sharkey if I like them... If I dont like them, I wont tell him.

Wednesday, August 25, 1999

Lame -- Sharkey @ 5:12 pm
There's like, nothing going on right now. No news, no nothin'. There was some dumb story where George Lucas said the same damn things he's been saying for months. I watched some of the new DragonBall Z dubbed episodes, and they suck ass. Much ass. Waaaay more than the original dubs.

Oh, and now Roosh and Atroxi are distancing themselves from the whole "e/n" scene. We're a dyin' breed it seems. Don't worry, no matter how many sections I add, formats I change, this page won't change. You can always tune in to Badassmofo.com and listen to me bitch/rant.

Tuesday, August 24, 1999

Lesbian golfers? -- Sharkey @ 10:42 pm
Well, when I put the old Hitbox code into the page, somehow the referrer stats started working. (They never worked to begin with) Anyway, I checked and saw that one viewer this week found BAMF from this google query:

lesbian+golfers.

And no, my name is not Sharkey Lucy Lawless. If you can't remember that post then look it up in the archives.

Cell phone -- Sharkey @ 6:59 pm
Hmm, Solosier gets a cell phone, I got a cell phone. Only difference is, I'm not giving you the number. Call the freaking 877 number if you feel like leaving me a message.

My phone kicks ass BTW. An expensive Motorola job with PacBell Wireless service. I can roam from here to San Diego to Vegas and back without fear. Time to hit the cons and hit the tables baby.

New RooshNet -- Sharkey @ 2:20 pm
Didn't think he'd get started on it so quick, but Roosh has got a new layout coming up. Anyone know when the damn news will be back up?

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 12:16 pm
I know I missed yesterday's slice, so I'm gonna make it up to all of you today. Take a gander at these new pics of resident dutch apple, my wife Katie Holmes:

Ahh, always a tasty slice, the dutch apple. Here's a nice little B&W pic, and here's one of her in a nice black dress. Is she still on that Dawson's Creek show? I'd think she'd want off that sinkin' ship. Anyway, here's a pic exhibiting Katie's driving skills, and one last pic showcasing....uh....aw who are we kidding, Katie's assets.

Monday, August 23, 1999

Whew -- Sharkey @ 10:42 pm
Busy day, that's why I couldn't post much. Right now I'm trying to get a new cell phone hooked up, then I gots ta study for my first MCSE exam. Damn server for the cell phone service is down. Maybe thats a bad omen. Nice novel btw Lucky. What are we, Ramblings? (Just so you know, I like Ramblings, so I'm not baggin' on em.)

Women Problems, fuck em all -- Lucky @ 9:34 pm
This isnt to the nice female readers in our reader pool. But how the hell has any member of the female gender survived past 18? here is the story, I just met a girl named "Chick #1" who told a freind that she was intrested in me. Meanwhile I have "Chick #2" who I met on the second day I moved to Scottsdale, AZ. Anyways Chick #2 has had a crush on me since the day I met her, but I told her I'm not going to get involved with her. Well she decides she is going to tell me who to and who not to date. I got invloved with Chick #2 2 nights ago, who is also my Best freind's ex=girlfreind. Somehow chick#2 figured out from someone else that I was macking on chick#1 and gets pissed off at me, because she stole her boyfreind back from her. Now this is all one big fucking tear jerking scene. I know find out about this love triangle thing when I find out that Chick #2 is still in love with her ex-boyfreind and is attempting to use me to get back at him for macking out with another chick who is using my best freind to get close to me. Meanwhile I'm being told by chick#1's best freind that she really does like me, she just doesn't want any commitment. Her best freind won't lie to anyone. When asked if I gave a shit that she was using me I said "No", when asked if I gave a shit that chick#2 wanted my sexy bitch ass i said "fuck no" and when asked if I actually cared or knew about my best freinds play around buddy I said "hell fucking no." When asked if I was using all these hoe's back I replied "yes, got a problem with it" My best freind is thinking the same thing because his ex-girlfreind is stalking him...
High school soap operas, gotta love them. Teenage girls are like guns, have them around long enough and your going to wanna shoot them.
More updates on this later.

Stupid Hitbox -- Sharkey @ 4:17 am
I swear I'm gonna get rid of that thing soon. They sent me the info for the upgrade, so I threw in the new code, upgraded the account, and I can't get stats. Not only that, it causes some people to not be able to view the site. I changed it back. Hope everything works again.

Oh what a great weekend! -- Bud @ 12:03 am
First I want to say whats up to the new guy, it's nice to have some new blood around. I have had a great weekend, on Friday my P.O.S. broke down. I overheated the engine and it siezed, all in a matter of two miles. So, I went out and bought a 2000 Chevy S-10 extra cab V6, fully loaded. I am stoked. Then I went to a killer party in Manhattan Beach, CA. It was pretty good sized, there was a handful of good looking chicas. A rousing game of spin the bottle broke out, can you say experimental lesbianism. I knew you could. I drank a ton of Jack and Coke. Herb, of course. Also a good friend of mine got together with some drunk hoochie and he had "a great time". Saturday, I just went to work and kicked back and did nothing. Today I had a perfect day, I woke up, played a demo copy of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater which kicks supreme ass. Then I went out and played an increadible eavning paintball game, it went from 4pm to 10pm. I had a f*ckin' blast. I'm sad, tommorow is monday, and I have the day off. What to do to keep the party going?

Dammit Mabs, you said I wouldn't know anybody at the paintball game! AARGH! BTW, Nice choice of a new vehicle Bud, I must see. --Sharkey

Sunday, August 22, 1999

Lucky's Mail Bag -- Lucky @ 10:10 pm
Hey doug, were you trying to imply that you are better then me earlier today? PiratePete doesn't think so :)
I like this guy already...

Lucky,

Keep up the good work. I like your posts so far. I especially like your liberal use of the word "sluts". Just remember, no matter what you do... doug will always be there to make you look better, because he is a jackass.

Feel different -- Sharkey @ 2:28 pm
OK, I know everybody's seen the iBrator, but have you seen the iBrator commercial? Phenominal. That song never had more significance.

New 311 -- Sharkey @ 5:07 am
Looks like local favorite 311 has a new album coming out on October 12th called "Soundsystem". In the meantime, check out the official 311 site. KROQ's been playing their new single off it called "Come Original". It's pretty cool, 311 can sure crank out an album. Maybe they should give some tips to some of my other favorite (slacker) bands.

AAAARGH!!! -- Sharkey @ 4:53 am
Ok, gotta calm down. I downloaded South Park the Movie the other day, and the first half of it was cut off before the "bleeds for 5 days" line and past the "Kyle's Mom's a bitch" song. GRRR.... So today I found the full file, and the ftp server was up so I started the download. Wouldn't you know it, the damn thing cut out just at the end, and the ftp server is gone. AAAGH! Same thing with the Matrix. I've only got the second halves of both movies, and it sucks. Anybody know of a good place to finish them off?

Top 10 signs that your co-worker is a hacker -- Lucky @ 12:41 am
Found this in my inbox today:
Top 10 signs that your co-worker is a hacker

10. Everyone who ticks him off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among
turn-ons.
2. Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."

And the Number One sign your co-worker is a computer hacker...
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"

Ripping on the new guy -- Lucky @ 12:27 am
Look if you guys want to rip on me, please do so as much as you want. Just send it to my e-mail address and I'll reply to you, I promise. Do NOT send it to Sharkey if you have a problem with my writing or I offend you, just e-mail me.

Saturday, August 21, 1999

Note to the tard drivers... -- Sharkey @ 6:58 pm
Hey, to some people out on the road I'd just like to say something. When you see a cop car, do not slam on the brakes! For tards, let me explain why. First off, you have more than one set of brake lights. There's one on the front of the car too, so when the cop sees them, he knows you're a scared idiot who was speeding. Secondly, because I might be the guy behind your already-drivin-too-slow ass. When you slam on the brakes, you piss me off. And we all know that with the hours upon hours of Quake time I've racked up, I'm a formidable killing machine.

The new guy -- Sharkey @ 3:53 pm
Geez, you people are already passing judgement on Lucky. You people have no faith in me. If he sucks he's gone, if he's good, he stays. Simple as that.

Here I go -- Sharkey @ 3:50 pm
Figured since I won't have to pay for them, I may as well take my MCSE exams. I'm going to take 70-073 NT Workstation 4 in about a week. Does anybody have any tips, suggestions, etc?

Movie Reviews -- Sharkey @ 2:29 pm
Bowfinger
Not a bad flick, not Oscar material either. The movie's plot was pretty unbelievable at some points, but they were able to make it funny. This movie would be nothing without Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin. (and Heather Graham's body) They provide the only good parts of the movie. Heh, that scene with Murphy and the Laker Girls makes the whole movie worthwile. ("Stop laughin'! It's not FUNNY!") The best part is that they rag on Scientology through the whole movie. Go see this it if you're a Murphy or Martin fan, otherwise avoid it.

Teaching Mrs. Tingle
Well, we all know that the only reason to see this is my wife and resident dutch apple Katie Holmes. It was another OK flick. By OK I mean OK if you didn't pay to see it. Mrs. Tingle is an evil, whorish psycho-bitch. Kinda reminds me of a few ex-girlfriends. The movie is the latest of Kevin Williamson's mediocre films. Apparently he modeled Mrs. Tingle after his own high school teacher who told him that he'd never be a writer. How could she predict that teenyboppers everywhere would eat up the drivel that he spews out. See it for Katie, and catfights, but don't expect a masterpiece, or a believable plot. (or developed characters, or good actors...)

New scandal involving a President and a whore -- Lucky @ 1:47 am
No not no hooker whore a fucking commie whore... Seems that while the CIA and the Mafia were taking out LBJ's buddy Kennedy, that commie whore Castro was making buddies with LBJ, AND helping LBJ get elected into office.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Less than three months after President Kennedy's death, Cuban leader Fidel Castro told President Lyndon Johnson he was eager for Johnson to prevail in the 1964 election -- and even invited him to take "hostile action" against Cuba if it would be to his political benefit, newly published documents show.

Fucked up shit right there, I hate it when our presidents get screwed up in stupid scandals. For the full story move your mouse cursor to here.
Im off to bed kiddies

Friday, August 20, 1999

The New BAMF -- Lucky @ 11:44 pm
Heya sluts
Im the new guy over here at BAMF. Soon I expect to be getting all the same kinda b\s that the Canadian got when he started here ) but at least they cant say "fuck the canuk"
Im gonna be helping Sharkey with the new gaming site, this site and my own little section called Lucky's Rants where Ill be posting about things such as hookers, feminists, sluts, people I hate and my favorite past time DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a Bad ass mofo here me roar whores.

More stuff -- Sharkey @ 4:37 pm
Just got done watching a few anime flicks. Quite good ones actually. Expect a few anime reviews over the weekend. Also, expect 2 new sections to open up as well. First up is "Lucky's Rants", where the new guy Lucky will rant about shit that pisses him off. Second up will be the long-awaited gaming section. I've been working on it for quite awhile, and she's just about ready to go.

On a sidenote, the new Q3Arena test kicks ass, although I hate that new level. The re-introduction of the lightning gun rules. I should be ready to use my newfound skills against society any day now. I'm gonna frag Joel Schumacher first, and then Cher, because you know she deserves it.

Nutsack Chopra -- Sharkey @ 1:31 am
This here is Deepak Chopra. His stupid books on spiritual/physical well being are sold the world over. Can anybody tell me how this pug got to be a filthy-rich health guru?

Bow to your new master...

I worked in a bookstore for a couple of years, and this guy's books were always bestsellers. I would ask the women who bought them why, and they never had a straight answer. It was always, "Oh, well it's a bestseller and I'm looking to lose weight. I think Oprah had him on his show and I listen to her." Sure you do you stupid cow. In the meantime you can yo-yo diet with your hero Oprah and listen to Deepak's thoughts on life. Oprah could call her fecal material good and fat women the world over would buy it. Sheep.

Thursday, August 19, 1999

*THUD* -- Sharkey @ 5:38 pm
Heh, saw this awesome video over on NoFadz. Too bad it doesn't have sound, but it's still a riot.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 4:47 pm
Today's slice has been in numerous films, which I shouldn't have to tell you. According to some crazed fan, her 27th birthday is in 10 days, so we're celebrating her birthday a bit early. Who cares, she's a hottie! Here's dutch apple Cameron Diaz:

You lookin at my bum? Cheeky monkey.

If any of you didn't see Something About Mary you should be shot. Here's a pic of her in a lil' see-through number, and just for good measure, here's another. And since I forgot SOtD yesterday, here's a bonus B&W pic.

He say you Blade Runnah! -- Sharkey @ 2:56 pm
Sad news, Brion James, best known for his role as Leon in Blade Runner, died on August 7th. That sucks, he was one of the coolest villains ever. And anybody who denies that Bryan from the Tekken series is loosely based off of his Blade Runner character is fooling themselves. Wierd that one of his most important lines in the movie was "time to die."

Sign of the apocalypse -- Sharkey @ 2:15 pm
Let me take time out to quote Daily Buzz for a moment:

Schumacher Free For Batman 5

Saying he owes the �hardcore cult a movie,� Joel Schumacher is ready to direct another Batman movie. He recently quit the production of The Apartment, freeing up his schedule, according to Variety.

Imagine Qui-Gon Jinn being stabbed through the stomach as I say this: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Why'd that van have to hit Stephen King? Don't any Joel Schumacher haters have a van big enough to finish the job? Please.

Well I'll be... -- Sharkey @ 2:09 pm
Huh. Seems I may have misjudged the upcoming Titan AE. I thought it was going to be a live action film with those horrid CGI sequences. Turns out that the whole movie will be composed of those horrid CGI sequences. The movie is going to feature the voices of Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, Bill Pullman, and Janeane Garofalo. Let's hope it doesn't suck as bad as the trailer.

About time... -- Sharkey @ 2:03 pm
Looks like Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver was finally shipped yesterday. After the 8+ month delay, Crystal Dynamics should call themselves Blizzard.

Wednesday, August 18, 1999

Pikachu...powered by Satan -- Sharkey @ 11:24 pm
Heh, just thought I'd let you all know that Pokemon is the work of the devil. That shit came on when we were down in San Diego one day. All I can say is, if you play that game, click the little x in the top right hand corner, and never return.

I don't wanna hear any lame-ass excuses, punk.

Boo-Yah! -- Sharkey @ 3:49 pm
I beat the crap outta that little blue punk. Sent him home cryin' like a little sissy girl. Want proof? Too bad, I'm giving it to you anyway.

Oh yeah, who da man?

He told me that if I won he'd show me the coolest movie file ever. Instead that bastard pointed me to that sickass video from R33T. UUGH. He'll get his.

Blue blob owns you -- Sharkey @ 2:28 pm
I hate you blue blob. You are a cheating, lying bastard, and I can't stand to look at your blue turd ass anymore.

The blob and I are going to have a tournament later to see who da man. If he wins, the site becomes BlobAssMoFo, and will feature Slime of the Day instead. I better go prepare myself. Little blue sonuvabitch.

Games -- Sharkey @ 4:15 am
Got some links to some cool-ass games. The first was sent to me by Jim Hollingsworth (from Abuzz). It's a Flash hockey game. Give it a try.

The second one I found off of some site, and it drives me absolutely nuts. See how far you can get in this blob volleyball game. Stupid blue blob, I'll smash you GOOD!

Tuesday, August 17, 1999

Ponderings -- Sharkey @ 10:15 pm
I was on my way home late last night, and heard Blink on the radio. After the song was over the DJ said, "That's What's my age again from the new band Blink 182..." Now I can forgive the fact that when old bands hit it big and DJ's haven't heard of them, they tend to call them new. That's because to them, they are new. But this is the same radio station that used to play Dammit and Josie off of "Dude Ranch" constantly, and I've even heard them play M&M's a few times. At least get the more local bands right you jackhole.

Anyway, this got me thinking. Blink has been one of my favorite bands for years. (I'm not an elitist, I'm local dammit!) But another one of my favorite bands, Reel Big Fish, haven't hit anywhere near as big. They had one bigass hit, Sellout, off of their second to last album, and that was pretty much it. The funny thing is, their music is some of the best party music I know of. And they're extremely funny, and extremely sarcastic. Whenever someone put that on, everybody felt good. They're also one of the only bands on the planet that I can stand someone else singing to. (I HATE that you off-key tards!) Their last album was fantastic. They played one song from it on KROQ for awhile, but no video, no nothin'. If you you haven't listened to them, I suggest you go download a couple of MP3s. For the newbie try out Sellout, The Setup, I'll Never Be, She's Famous Now,or one of my personal favs, Beer. Play them loud. And if you don't like them, I don't want to here it.

ARRRGH -- Sharkey @ 4:53 pm
From a developers POV: NETSCAPE SUCKS MY ARSE!

I hate you Netscape. You and your CSS limitations, your no background images in a cell, your stupid deal with AOL, and your beautiful women, Victoria Sivestedt...Playmate of the Year....AARGH!

Treats from Frank -- Sharkey @ 2:58 am
Frank sent in some funny-ass pics, and also provided the new quote up yonder ^

And, if you're brave enough, feast your eyes on Bridget the midget. Be forewarned, she's scary, and a midget.

Estelle -- Sharkey @ 2:50 am
Hmm...people seem to like the little Canadian swimmer. David Garrett was even kind enough to send me the pics I was looking for all day yesterday: her Perry Ellis ads. Dig the first one here, and the second one here. Oh, and I do NOT read Frog magazines. They just happened to have the hot pics this time.

Monday, August 16, 1999

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:02 pm
Today's slice is a Canuck slice. Not only that, she's a synchronized swimming Canuck, eh? I saw her in this month's Maxim and went nuts. Lookit them gams! Anyway, here's Estelle Warren:

Ahh, that synchronized swimming does a body good. Dig this pic showcasing her fabulous figure, and here's one of Estelle lying down(warning, 200K+ but worth it).

IE5 -- Sharkey @ 2:12 pm
Finally took the time to download IE5 today. The installation took longer than the 23MB download. It was worth it. The Java Virtual Machine got messed up awhile back and I couldn't view any applets. Works great now though. I gotta go over to Geeklife and sift through the IE5 tips.

Time to Malthion-X 'Frisco -- Mr Mabs @ 3:51 am
A group of animal rights activists in San Fransisco want to end pet ownership for good. They find it highly offensive to call someone a pet "owner", and want to have the term "pet guardian" subbed in wherever "pet owner" is mentioned in city laws. Says the President of group, "The idea of women ownersip, black ownership, and pet ownership there's continuity there." I find it offensive that they use semicolons. Let's put an end to them for good.

I was wondering what was up with the semicolon thing until I checked the post and realized that there are a few of them, but the posting script won't allow them to be displayed. Wierd. --Sharkey

Showbiz news -- Mr Mabs @ 3:47 am
First off, Spielberg has vowed to continue to make movies on film, the old fashioned way. This was said to distance himself from Lucas' plans to shoot the next Star Wars flick in all digital format.

Second up, David Duchovny is suing Fox for their failure to pay him millions on "back-end" products from X-Files.

Is that show even on the air anymore? Anyway, what does that punkass need more money for? He's got Tea Leoni. --Sharkey

Not the Green Tom Movie? -- Sharkey @ 3:11 am
Tom Green has signed a contract with Touchstone Pictures to write and star in projects for them. That rules, I can't wait to see him nearly getting the crap beat out of him on the big screen instead of the small screen. Anyone catch his new music video? Priceless. Best part is, he left Canada to kick ass in the US. See, the man knows where it's at. )

Quit? -- Sharkey @ 3:02 am
WTF? Quitting? Geez, I could understand if we went a day without posts, but hours? The Internet connection was down at work, so no posts for me. Oh, and whats up with Thinkery being down? Them dead slices are aggrivating. Oh well, time for me to get to work on the new sections. A MoFo's work is never done.

Sunday, August 15, 1999

The Con Report -- Sharkey @ 1:03 pm
Guess I'll start from the beginning. We got a hotel about 4 blocks from the convention center. Wags and I walked past the huge-ass registration line, walked inside, and to the pro-reg booth. Every year they hassle me with "Did you bring any of your work with you?" Why would I lug any friggin' artwork all that way just to show it to the volunteer idiot at the booth? Then they're like, well, we need proof of your pro status. I say, look me up on your computer there and you should see me there from last year. Tards. I told them to check out BAMF for proof of my badass-ness. We got our badges and walked on in around a half-hour before the Con opened.

The first thing we see on the floor is Rob Leifeld. I say to Wags, "I'll go piss him off just before we leave today." I had the whole schpeil for this year worked out. I was going to say, "Hey! I see you're selling your artwork this year, that's great! See, the hotel we're staying at ran out of toilet paper, and I really need something to wipe my ass with." Unfortunately we didn't see his lame-ass again the entire trip. Punk. The amount of Pokemon crap was overwhelming. I wanted to grab a baseball bat, but I bought a kitana instead.

The next few days were spent going back and forth from the hotel, the Con, and Ralphs. At the Con I posted every free moment I got at one of the Website booths. Pissed off the lady at the Milehighcomics.com booth for changing the URL onscreen. After hours of walking, Wags and I went up to the third floor and sat outside for awhile. Then these employees came out with some good looking food. I asked where they got it, and they let us in on a secret employee-only cafeteria where you can get a full plate of food for like 2 bucks. I went in purporting to be a relative of an employee and loaded up on chicken, potatoes and corn. I thought I was all cool until the food gave me the shits. Stupid secret cafeteria.

The rest of the trip was spent buying anime, models, comics, and food. Oh, and taking pictures. We got pics of the Blair Witch chick answering questions. Oh, for those who have seen it: It was blood, teeth, and hair in the twigs. We gotta get that film developed quick. Especially the model who fell out of her top. )

I highly reccomend going to the Con if you're able to. It's one of the coolest events of the year. Oh, and if you go, tell Rob Leifeld that Sharkey says "You suck, ass".

Back in the saddle -- Sharkey @ 1:58 am
Back at home baby. That was a bitchin' Con. In case you were disturbed by my posting habits down there, I'll tell you why it had to be that way. First, my laptop is out of comission at the moment, Secondly, the only places to post were at Website booths. Wags had to distract the salesman long enough for me to post and check my mail. And leave BAMF sitting on the screen. (At eBay, Animevillage, Tokyopop...) We came back early because the damn traffic would have been a nightmare tomorrow.

You'll never guess who I ran in to at the Con on Friday. Mike, the first guy in line for Star Wars. Remember him? Check this if you don't. Even had dinner with Mike, his wife, and a bunch of people who worked for Warner Bros. and were in line with him. We ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Damn their food kicks ass. Ahh, more stories in the morning. I've got to read my 50+ e-mails and get some sleep.

Saturday, August 14, 1999

Booth babes rule -- Sharkey @ 5:48 pm
And Leifeld is missing. Bastard.

Friday, August 13, 1999

Leifeld is a slippery bitch -- Sharkey @ 5:22 pm
Thats all I really have to say. Wags got a pic with a hot model who's nipple was out. She was brown Frank, in case you were wondering. Oh, saw Heather from Blair Witch speak too.,

Finally -- Sharkey @ 3:44 pm
A chance to sit down and post. This has been a tiring, drunkened Con. Were enjoying ourselves immensely. Many pics when I get back. Oh yeah, where is that Leifeld bitch?

Wags is trying to hit on chicks. Unsuccessfully, and drunk.

To doug -- Sharkey @ 3:08 pm
Stop plugging other sites with style code so "similar" to mine you bastard. I'm at the animevillage.com booth, which has been the easiest to post at. Buttershots rule. That site was cool though, so it's all good. Must drink more. Bye now.

Still F'ed up -- Sharkey @ 3:05 pm
Wags is messed up beyond belief. Leifeld isnt around. I want to kick his ass. Gotta go drink some more.

F'ed up -- Sharkey @ 11:23 am
Damn, that shit is good. We pissed off a bunch of trekkies, and are waiting for Rob Leifeld to get back to his booth. Frank, are you guys comin' down tomorrow? How bout you Bud? Damn Im messed up

Thursday, August 12, 1999

Ironic -- Bud @ 6:00 pm
A pretty big tornado hit in the middle of downtown Salt Lake City, Utah. I think its funny that even God doesn't like Mormans. I feal bad for the people that were hurt, but maybe you should have moved to a trailer park. Wait, on second thught that may not be such a good idea.

Drunk -- Sharkey @ 4:41 pm
We are fucked up. Waaaay fucked up. And at the con. Butter shots are good.

At the con -- Sharkey @ 10:38 am
Have pro badges and alcohol *Update, just took a pic with Stan the man

Damn its hard to post here.

Peace out -- Sharkey @ 7:19 am
Be back in a few kids, with some good stories, and some good pics. Late.

Wednesday, August 11, 1999

Some new thoughts -- Bud @ 9:39 pm
1. I might go to the comic con on Sunday.
2. On this most recent shooting, the media is going into a frenzy about hate crimes. I know it's a touchy subject but does it matter if they are Jewish kids getting shot. I like Jewish people and I know that they have put up with a lot of shit, but the tragedy is, they were kids. Jewish, Black, Korean, whatever, the problem is they were kids. I hate how the media loves to focus on the racial bullshit. All this does is give idiots free publicity.
3. The Sixith Sense is a scary fuckin' movie.
4. Drugs are bad, OK.
5. Pot is not so bad, OK.
6. I need some ideas on what band to do my next music review.

First off, I wholeheartedly agree with the hate crimes thing. Kids are dead, and they're arguing over this petty bullshit. Secondly, why did everyone misconstrue my post about drugs as saying that drugs are bad? I didn't say anything negative about them hot dammit! I just said that anyone who is addicted to them is not a bamf.

Comic-Con International -- Sharkey @ 6:03 pm
Wags and I leave for the annual San Diego Comic-Con tomorrow. That I won't be posting much for the next few days. Don't worry, we'll have somebody filling in while I'm gone though. And I'll probably have some bitchin' stories from the Con. (Photos & shit too). If anyone is going to be attending let me know, maybe we'll see you there. We'll be the drunk assholes giving Rob Leifeld the finger.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:15 pm
Today's slice starred in the top-grossing movie of all time, and was the only reason I ever saw it: Kate Winslet:

Whew, dig this pic of Kate in a see through number, and here's one of Kate enjoying herself. Kate has graced the big screen many times, and thankfully has appeared nude once or twice.

Free Swag! -- Sharkey @ 3:27 am
A very special thanks to Jim and the people at Abuzz for the free swag. They've got some cool-ass T-shirts, and they also sent over a frisbee with their logo. Jim over there suggested we make some t's of our own. That would be fuckin' cool. Which reminds me, my hats should be done pretty soon. I'm pissed 'cause I can't find my old one. It's seriously the coolest hat I ever owned and it's missing dammit! Oh well, if you see it let me know.

Tuesday, August 10, 1999

Supergeek -- Sharkey @ 11:59 pm
Checked out the Supergeek Challenge which I saw over at Geeklife. I got 8/10 on both the video card and old hardware quizzes, and 7/10 on both the Digital Audio and Laptop quizzes. Some of the questions were pretty lame though. Who doesn't know what the Intellivision was? Tards, that's who.

New stuff, Xoom sucks -- Sharkey @ 10:06 pm
Well, looks like we're getting at least one new section very soon. Am I telling you what it is? No. Have a little patience. In fact, a new writer should be coming on board for this one. Sweet. Oh, and I've gotta finish up some anime reviews, and update the ol' movie section.

Oh, and in case you couldn't tell, Xoom can bite my ass. I hate when I can't get the Slice of the Day up before I leave the house, because then I have to do the link shit. Oh well, follow dougs directions below and you'll get a glimpse of the goodness. Oh, and Zeffe let me know that Anna isn't underage anymore. Then I guess Federov is now legally banging her. As opposed to the last 3 illegal years.

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 7:27 pm
It took a while to get this one up, but hey, I had shit to do. Anyway, Mabs hand picked today's slice, who I beleive is still Forbidden: Anna Kournikova.

Sergei is a lucky bastard

In case you hadn't heard, this little slice of still-cookin' pie is dating Sergei Federov of the Detroit Red Wings. Here's a pic of her in a little red skirt, and here's another that will make any hockey fan hate Sergei.

Another one?!? -- Sharkey @ 12:47 pm
Yep, just about an hour ago there were shootings at an LA County day care center where some kids were going to summer camp. So far there haven't been any fatalities reported, but there are some kids with gunshot wounds. The gunman was 5'11", around 170 pounds, and carried an Uzi 9mm. No word yet on whether or not he's ever played Doom.

*Update: The kid was wearing all black. When I heard about this an hour ago he was dressed in blue and grey. Oh well, damn Matrix caused this, I knew it. So far the suspect hasn't sprouted a trenchcoat, but there's always a possibility.

Monday, August 09, 1999

Deep Blue something.... -- Sharkey @ 11:42 pm
Went and saw Deep Blue Sea tonight. Mabs summed this one up perfectly. See this one if you haven't got anything better to do. Don't get me wrong, it was entertaining and fun. The rampant death and dismemberment kept me laughing for hours. But it wasn't Oscar material here, or even Blockbuster Movie Awards material(ouch). I think this was one of Samuel L. Jackson's worst performances ever. But it was worth seeing. Glad I didn't have to pay to see it though. Oh, and as much as I like Mr. Smith, LL Cool J's song at the end stank worse than Fat Bastard's toilet.

Heh-heh, I rule -- Sharkey @ 11:29 pm
Wow, and we get the award I wanted most: best sections. Why? This gives me reason to make more, and trust me, more good shit is coming your way than you thought possible. I felt that everyone else won exactly what they should have. And congratulations to KillKrazy for sweeping the awards. His stories kick ass, he deserves a little recognition. And as for me getting the best poster award, I'd just like to say thanks to all of you. I must go deflate my ego now. Maybe I'll call an ex or something.

*Note to self: Make a new, bitchin' layout. Oh, and a turkey sammich.*

BASTAAAARDS! -- Sharkey @ 4:28 pm
Sons of whores. Wags and I went down to Fightertown today, to kick a little ass. For those of you who have never been, Fightertown is an ultra-realistic flight simulator, with all the planes you could want to fly. We haven't been in a couple of years, and when we got there, they had just closed down. Damn moving van was still outside. They're relocating to the City of Industry, which is fuckin' far from here. That sucks the rank donkey-ass. I spit on their establishment *PTOOEY*!

First Virtual World, now Fightertown. Bastards got them all. This officially sucks.

BAMF stance on drugs -- Sharkey @ 12:57 pm
Heh, guess I should give you guys the "official" BAMF stance on drugs. doug is right on one thing: A Badassmofo doesn't need drugs. Wanting them and using them is another thing completely, because you can do whatever you want, I don't care. But if you're an addict, you are no longer a Badassmofo. The BAMF is in control. He doesn't allow himself to be weak.

As far as these websites' Constitutional right to say what they want, I'm all for them. The government can try to take the rights away, but they're just going to end up pissing a lot of people off and failing. That's my stance and I'm stickin' to it.

Gary is alive -- Sharkey @ 3:14 am
Well, guess Gary Coleman's out of jail, because he sent me an e-mail. I asked where the hell his article is, but he didn't respond. Here's what he sent me:

Yeah Im still around. Ive been getting alot of work offers lately so I havent been able to write up anything for you guys sorry. I did want to let everyone know that Im in the new Kid Rock video Cowboy which is on MTV right now. I had to let Joe C kick my ass, but the price was right. Hell, if they werent paying me I wouldve kicked the shit out of Joe C and that no-talent Kid Rock. That guy is what happens when you let white trash from California get an ego. They didnt pay me nearly enough to put up with that guys crap. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that Im OK and that thigns are going good. Hopefully I can get that article to you soon.

Peace,
Gary

There you have it, uncensored words from the man himself. Whats funny is that if you recall correctly Mox and I saw them filming the video for "Cowboy" a month or so ago. Gary wasn't there, I guess they filmed his part on another day. It would've been funny to see little Joe C. kick the crap outta Gary though.

Interesting numbers -- Sharkey @ 12:35 am
Well, I was going through the hitbox stats to see what countries/domains people are coming from, and I noticed something odd. The number of people since yesterday at midnight that have visited this site using a Windows OS is 666. Check your children's foreheads for the Internet Explorer logo!

That's not all, the number of WebTV readers has grown to a frightening...2! Good Lord NO! Please, drop the WebTV keyboard...buy a PC! Please! Even an IMAC would be better....slightly. A sidenote, when I was in the Good Guys the other day the WebTV guy hassled me like he always does and asked me if I was interested in buying one. I said "PTOOEY! I spit on your inferior system! I spit on you for ripping off the unsuspecting public! And I spit on your tie from J.C. Penney's! PTOOEY!". He looked blankly at me, and then asked me to leave. I spit on his fake Italian shoes on my way out.

Sunday, August 08, 1999

Rules... -- Sharkey @ 4:51 pm
Ok, time for me to wave my mighty hand and set some rules. First off, Kenith Branaugh is not allowed to make movies anymore. Secondly, Britney Spears isn't allowed to sing anymore. Now, that doesn't mean she can't make videos. Far from it, I recommend she takes the time she would've spent singing and use it to squeeze in and out of little outfits for her videos. She could make sexy videos for kickass bands with a good video impediment. That goes double for Jennifer Lopez. Latin soul my ass.

Just got back from enemy lines, eh? -- Mox @ 2:49 pm
Well, I just got back from a night in Victoria - that's right folks - Canada! I doon't know what all the fuss is aboot. I mean, I'm soory but Canada is not that bad. Well, actually it is, but Victoria is a nice place - maybe we should take it for ourselves. What are they going to do - kill a couple Baldwinds? Please start with Stephen - do we really need another Flintstone's movie?

Just to tide you over -- Sharkey @ 12:38 pm
I was just as disturbed by doug's pink puffy shirt as the rest of you. Let's try to make the scenery nicer here with a special weekend slice. And who better to brighten everyone's day than my wife Katie Holmes?

.

Aside from being one of the hottest slices of dutch apple on the planet, Katie will also be starring in the upcoming Teaching Ms. Tingle. Oh, and here's a nice pic of Katie in suspenders. Enjoy.

Shameless -- Sharkey @ 12:10 pm
Aight, sorry about this kids, but go vote for us. We've been nominated for damn near every cool category. Oh, vote for KillKrazy for best writing and the other ones you think he deserves. Otherwise it'll just be a popularity contest.

FF7 and MAME -- Sharkey @ 1:45 am
Whoa, just saw over on Dave's Classics that the new version of MAME supports The Simpsons, X-Men, and a bunch of other good arcade games. I haven't updated my version of MAME in a long-ass time. Anyone know where I can get the ROMS for those games? I got all mine back before Dave's was shut down.

Also, I forgot to post this yesterday. It seems that after being out for 2 years, someone found a hidden debug room in Final Fantasy 7. The code kicks ass, you gotta have a Gameshark to try it though. I hate cheating devices, so I'll have to borrow one to check it out. The code can be found here. Dave's was chock-full of good shit yesterday.

Mystery Men review -- Sharkey @ 1:26 am
*Sigh*...Yet another bad comic-book related movie. This here is what happens when you try to stuff twelve pounds of suck into a ten pound bag. Whatever shit spilled onto the floor is bound to be picked up by some sleazy Hollywood producer. Paul Ruebens (Pee-Wee) is the only funny part in this movie. Oh, that and the catfight. Do yourself a favor, and don't spend money seeing this movie. I'm glad I didn't.

I actually thought this one had potential. See, the Mystery Men were a part of the old Flaming Carrot Comics, which kicked much ass. Maybe if they had the Carrot in the movie it might have been good. Ehh, probably not. Remind me to smack whoever is at the Mystery Men booth at the Comic-Con this week. They deserve it.

Saturday, August 07, 1999

800 number fun -- Sharkey @ 2:58 pm
I've been lazy. The damn Ureach server was down for awhile, so I stopped checking the 800 numbers. I went back today, lo and behold, it works. I stuck up some .wav files of the more...interesting calls. Check em out.

Morning Wood(164K)
Pirate Pete on doug(112K)
A message to me(47K)
A message to doug(37K)

Kodak moments -- Sharkey @ 2:30 pm
Ahh, the best things in life are free. Take this for example:

Place your hands upon the ass of power, and know inner peace. Thanks to Michael Blackburn for sharing the ass, which he said he got over at Ramblings.

Friday, August 06, 1999

Just so you know -- Sharkey @ 11:28 pm
I'm shitty right now. And Boulevard Pale Ale is pretty damn good. If you're in the Kansas City area like I was, I highly reccomend picking up a case.

To those who have seen it... -- Sharkey @ 11:27 pm
For anyone who has seen The Blair Witch Project, I'd like to clear up something that has been bugging me. A lot of people missed a big part of the ending and I want to set their asses straight right now. Highlight text to see what I mean: Ok, in the end, when Heather runs down into the basement, Mike isn't hanging. HE IS STANDING IN THE CORNER. Damn near everyone I've talked to that saw the movie misconstrued what they saw. I'm sure all who got it wrong are having an "OH!" realization moment, remembering what the hick in the beginning of the movie said about the killer making kids stand in the corner of the room. Oh, and the concensus is in: It's some blood and Josh's teeth in the stick pile wrapped in his shirt. Possibly an ear in there too. Thanks for your time, have a pleasant evening.

Lack of posts -- Sharkey @ 5:58 pm
Sorry for the lack of posts today, Wags came back from his shithole in Guam, and brought a tazer and alcohol with him. So I'm going to go get drunk and stun small furry animals, or maybe Mr. Mabs. With that gim...I mean hurt leg of his, he won't be able to catch me. Especially with 65,000 volts running through him.

Too bad Mox is out of town, we could get him drunk and make him zap his tongue. That would be the best Denny's trip ever.

Upgrade is imminent -- Sharkey @ 9:27 am
Well, I gotta upgrade this thing sooner or later. But right now, I need a new harddrive. Badly. I've started shopping around recently, there's a lot of good deals at Onsale atCost. I also need a new motherboard/CPU. Anybody got any suggestions?

Thursday, August 05, 1999

Champagne wishes & whipped cream dreams -- Sharkey @ 5:49 pm
Robin Leach, who you may remember from "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" has been barred from the Delmonico's Steak House chain of restaurants after a Memorial Day incident in Las Vegas involving whipped cream and naked women. Leach called news accounts of the incident a "gross exaggeration" of a "harmless fun whipped-cream fight."

You know, that sounds like a good pitch. I think I'm going to ask my wife Katie Holmes if she wants to have a "harmless fun whipped-cream fight" with myself and Natalie Portman. After all, who doesn't like a little whipped cream on their pie?

Lazy workers pt. 2 -- Sharkey @ 5:31 pm
Well, our popularity at Abuzz has jumped considerably. Seems that 26 delinquent Abuzz employees have visited the site today. I got word from a couple of them, including the ever-suave Russ. Russ brought bad news though, seems he got creamed in the Professional Dome Hockey Tournament. Keep on playin' Russ. You'll kick some ass next time. Oh, they said they wanted to send me a free Abuzz T-shirt. Boo-Yah! That's what it's all about baby, Hockey and free swag.

Now if any of you Intel, IBM, or Sun employees want to send any free swag, go right ahead.

Lazy workers -- Sharkey @ 12:14 am
Sitting in the office right now, and I'm thinking of shit to do. So what do I do? I sift through the logs. There's some interesting stuff in there, like employees that have wasted valuable hours at work here. Let's see, theres a buttload of IBM & Sun employees (hook me up!), and some Intel employees (ditto). Just to show that big brother is always watching, quite a few Lucas employees (got maul) and a bunch of Micro$oft employees.

Also, I'd like to highlight a company who's employees visit here a lot. Abuzz is a company in Cambridge MA, who seem to make up hundreds of hits per month here. Oh, and I'd like to congratulate Russ of Abuzz on his victory over MariBeth in the Amateur Dome Hockey Tourney.

No shit, that guy really works there. Wonder if he's been wasting his time here too. To all of you employees who have so gratuitously defied the boundaries of your job and visit, I can say only one thing: GET BACK TO WORK YA LAZY BUMS!

Wednesday, August 04, 1999

A "Blair Witch" Nightmare -- Bud @ 9:37 pm
I guess nothing is sacred, the writers of The Blair Witch Project have supposedly already written a prequel and two possible sequels to the surprise hit horror film. This is the Mt. Everest of bad ideas, why not just write a script for "I still know who screamed 3 last summer". The movie industry realy makes me mad, I think I'll go drown my cat in the dishwasher.

New BAMF Dictionary -- Bud @ 9:25 pm
A BAMF dictionary is probably in order. I'm sure the triad will vote on this topic in the near future. I can however asure you that "trenchcoat" will not be in the text. I do agree that a BAMF can say pretty much what ever he wants, but I refuse to give any props to a couple of pussies who can't deal with their easy suburban lifes and feel the only way to cope is by whacking a buch of kids in the library. We will however be taking requests for new words to fill the pages of the dictionary. Send all suggestions to Sharkey(my e-mail link is down)and he will start compiling the submisions.


Random Thought: Monkeys kick ass!

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 8:08 pm
Today's slice was born in France (forgive her), and mose recently starred in "Lost and Found" with David Spade. Folks, I give you Sophie Marceau:

Sophie's real name is Sophie Maupu, and she got her start in America with "Braveheart". Here's a picture of Sophie in the sun, and here's a B&W pic of her.

Escape from tards -- Sharkey @ 7:30 pm
My buddy Shaggy sent in a link to Freedom Ship, which is a bigass boat that you can live on for as long as you want. It's got retail stores, a supermarket, and no taxes. Supposedly this all comes at a modest cost.

Now at first I was thinking, "This would be a fantastic way to get away from tards in general. Gimme the necessities (women, beer, tv, games) and I'm set. Then the wheels got turning. Why go anywhere when we can send the tards away? Here's what we do. Just like the freeImac thing, tards will be drawn in by a freebie. Tell them that their stay is free, but they have to deal with advertisements and whatnot. Then, we evaluate their "tard factor". Those with a high factor will be shipped off to sea and "accidentally" be Titanicked. (is that a word?) For cost effective purposes we could design a boat that capsizes, dumps everyone, resurfaces, then floats back to port. Automate that sum'bitch and we don't have to worry about the crew! Thus, the tards will be gone and unable to breed, spreading their tard genes on to another generation.

Teeny web server -- Sharkey @ 2:46 pm
Want to know where Badassmofo will be hosted someday? In my pocket. And it's possible to, according to this article.

The Tragic Kingdom -- Sharkey @ 2:01 am
Well, went to Disneyland with the family yesterday. It's been a couple of years since I've been. I seem to remember a lot less ugly people. I swear, it was like they were having a damn convention. Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed, like Uneek's dad over on R33t. Unless he lands a supermodel for a wife, but with them teeth, I don't think so. Oh, and they've raped the arcade in Tomorrowland there. It used to be a 2 story masterpiece. Now it's a 1 story POS filled with OUT OF ORDER signs.

Spent around 30 bucks in drinks for myself alone today too.

Tuesday, August 03, 1999

Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 9:40 am
Ahh, today's slice is the one that got away. If you recall a couple of weeks back I posted an excerpt from an interview where she said she was supposed to be the lead in Showgirls. So sad. Anyway, here she is: Denise Richards.

Catwoman a tad delusional -- Sharkey @ 9:04 am
OK everyone, let's all read this clip from Studio Briefing:

Entertainer Eartha Kitt claimed Sunday night that after she confronted Lady Bird Johnson over the Vietnam War at a 1968 luncheon in the First Lady's honor, "within two hours I was out of work in America." Appearing on Dateline NBC, Kitt said that she immediately became the object of government surveillance. Her account was corroborated on the program by syndicated columnist Jack Anderson who said that he had seen the government dossiers on Kitt, which, he said, included details of her sex life. "They were keeping surveillance on her through keyholes," Anderson said. Writer Liz Carpenter, an aide to Mrs. Johnson at the time, denied Kitt's charges.

New Q3Arena Test -- Sharkey @ 8:55 am
Version 1.08 of Quake 3 Arena Test was released. You can snag it here or here.

Monday, August 02, 1999

Doom trained killer -- Sharkey @ 7:36 pm
Well, I'd just like to share a bit of my day with all of you. I woke up, got a glass of OJ, then sat down at my PC to check my mail, and see if any work needed to be done. I got a few messages, updated a few sites, and decided to play some Tribes. After a couple hours of Tribes, I got in some Carmageddon 2 and Quake 2 just for good measure. Then I got showered, shaved, dressed, and out the door.

On my way to my car a neighbor told me that my grass needed to be cut. When I pulled out my hyperblaster, he started to run. Luckily my Quake training had prepared me for newbies like this, and I quickly made meat pie out of him. He screamed as the blaster shots tore into him, and I noticed that his damn dog had shit on the lawn again. I wandered out to my car, throwing a bag of garbage in the can on the way.

On the road to the bookstore, a few cars were slowing down the rest of traffic. No problem, I racked up plenty of Carmageddon training this morning. I merged into the side of the car on my right and jerked the wheel, causing him to fly straight into a light pole. I slid horizontal to the road in order to make mincemeat out of a few extra pedestrians, who blew to pieces on contact. Gotta rake in the extra points you know.

In the bookstore, I found that all the comfy chairs to sit in were taken. Screw that, I've got my mortar launcher from Tribes with me. I pop one shell into the center of the reading area, and laugh as the helpless idiots are flung all across the store, body parts bounding across walls. Then I just used my rocket pack to fly myself into the nicest seat before anyone could recover.

On my way out it seemed that the police caught wind of my little endeavors in the store, and wanted to arrest me. Thankfully I downloaded the Matrix last night, which taught me how to run up walls, dodge bullets, and kill cops in the most efficient way possible. After the mayhem subsided I walked out of the store, slid on my incredibly fashionable sunglasses, and grabbed the keys out of my trenchcoat pocket.

I then arrived at work, refreshed and ready for the day ahead. Sounds like a pretty implausible day to you doesn't it? Well, not to these people. Thanks to CornCob of RooshNet for pointing me to this one.

FF Movie character voices -- Sharkey @ 6:24 pm
Columbia Pictures today revealed the actors who�ll lend their voices to the characters in Final Fantasy-The Movie, a computer-animated movie that is in production in Hawaii and is set for release in 2001. Included in the voice cast are Alec Baldwin, Steve Buscemi, Peri Gilpin, Ming-Na Wen, Ving Rhames, Donald Sutherland and James Woods.

Other places -- Sharkey @ 3:03 pm
If you're bored and want to check out another site or 2, check out Area 52 and the newly redesigned Colorless, which you may remember as Colorless Green Void.

I would also like to let everyone know that my precious remote control is missing. If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of this priceless item, please let me know. Oh, and on that note, Roosh and CornCob, I've tried calling your damn 877 numbers for the past 2 days and don't get shit. Stupid operator.

Darth Maul is dead -- Sharkey @ 12:57 pm
UK's Empire Magazine had an interview with George Lucas this month, and he had some disappointing news for fans. Here's the most important exerpts:

"At one point, when Obi-Wan kills Darth Maul, he just fell into the pit. I looked at it and thought this isn't going to work because, if people like him enough, they are going to want him to come back and they're going to assume somehow he gets out of it. So I had to cut him in half to say this guy's gone, he's history, he ain't coming back. I'll come up with another apprentice. The whole issue of having apprentices, poor Darth Sidious trying to replenish his apprentice supply, is one of the main plot points."

Lucas also cleared up a few other plot points, such as how C3PO and R2D2 knew nothing of Tattoine, yet C3PO was made there. "That will all be coming up. There's a lot of little things that'll be cleared up. The other one that gets asked a lot is why doesn't Qui-Gon disappear like everybody else? That's a plot point that centres around Obi-Wan saying to Vader/Anakin in the first one, "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." There is an issue about the Force and that will be revealed.

"The next film is a love story and I don't know how that is going to be taken by the fans. And then the third film is very, very, very dark. It's not a happy movie by any stretch of the imagination. It's a tragedy. Ultimately the final story is between Yoda, Obi-Wan, Anakin and the Queen. It's really their story. Those four characters."

When he says "love story" it somehow frightens me. Hopefully he just means that Anakin will get a little action from Natalie Portman. Hey, there was nudity in Jedi kids, it's not impossible.

--Update: BTW kids, by nudity in Jedi I meant Oola's tit in Jabba's palace.

Sunday, August 01, 1999

Waste of bandwidth? -- Sharkey @ 4:46 pm
*Achem*... I'd like to quote something I saw over on Geeklife's forum.

BadAssMoFo is a waste of bandwith. I could put together a better site in my sleep.

Well, your page doesn't suck, you've got some good news, and I think I'll mention it in my news.

GAAAAH!!! -- Sharkey @ 3:52 pm
Tribes has stripped me of my Quake skills! This fucking sucks. The control scheme is just close enough to Quake's that it completely fucks me up. At least I still kicked the shit out of the people I just played against, but those newbies shouldn't have gotten a shot off. Now I gotta change my whole damn conrol scheme.

Plop -- Sharkey @ 2:57 pm
OK, go on over to Brain Damage and visit their movie section. Download all three, cuz they're funny, but especially get the Bang.Mpg. That plop sound from when she hits the ground somehow pleases me in a way I can't describe. Somehow I feel happy that someones hair is on fire and that they go "plop". Maybe I'm just messed up in the head, I dunno. Download it and laugh.

Bunch O' Stuff -- Bud @ 1:49 am
1) The Haunting is gay, period.
2) Deep Blue Sea was pretty ok.
3) I saw a sweet helicopter crash on the news yesterday. One of the choppers sliced through the tail of the other. Fire, death, mayhem.
4) Some anus decided to e-mail me today, he/she called me a tool. That was it, how ingenious. I do like the band Tool, mabey the should be my next music review.

Women Gamers -- Sharkey @ 12:23 am
Just so you don't think that the whole world is against you Frus, check out WomenGamers.com.

Roosh's E/N Awards -- Sharkey @ 12:02 am
Heh, just got pointed over to Roosh's E/N Awards voting page where it seems we've been nominated for a buttload of categories. Aww, poor doug isn't most hated. But his hiring is up for Controversy of the Year. Heh-heh. Go vote for us in a slew of categories.

Oh, and I see that the people have spoken, and they say they like the Pieclopedia. Damn skippy, everybody likes pie. You'll all be happy to know that I plan on expanding that little section. We're going to put in the final 1-2 pie types, and put in a massive archive of the Slice of the Day. Perhaps a "Know your Pie" quiz, maybe a "Slices throughout History" section. Oh, and Celebrity Nipple Corner. Mmm-MMM. Tasty things are a-comin'.

Old News for July

Return to BadassMoFo.com