Any news, comments, pie? Send it
| Saturday, July 31, 1999 |
Speaking of Gary... -- Sharkey @ 6:07 pm
Hey Gary, where are you? I heard Gary got out of jail last week, but I haven't heard from him since a week before he went in. Where's your new article you lazy slackin' sum'bitch?!?
Why I use IE -- Sharkey @ 1:32 pm
Now, I know it's trendy to hate Micro$oft right now, but I have damn good reason why I use IE over Netscape. One reason is really all I need: It's quirks annoy me. I use the pageup/down buttons, as well as the up/down arrows while browsing. In Netscape, I hit pagedown right off the bat and it scrolls through the location bar and sends me off to some other site. That pisses me off. Another thing is that the image in the sidebar gets cut off in Netscape. That angers me. Anyway, this is a thinly veiled excuse as to why I won't resize the table to the left for Netscape users.
Lake Placid -- Sharkey @ 12:02 pm
OK, here's what I want you to do. Ignore the preview. The preview tried to make it look like this serious, scary movie. Put that out of your head kids, forget about it. Now, I want you to forget everything that the critics said about this movie. Shouldn't be too hard, you shouldn't be paying attention to those idiots anyway. Purge everything you have heard about this movie. Ready? Good. Now, with that all done, go and see this movie.
WTF? Why would I want to see that pile of garbage? I'll tell you why. It's funny. It's not a scary movie, it's not even a crocodile movie. It's a sarcastic, funny movie. Everyone in this flick is a raging wise-ass. If they weren't so stupid as to chase this humongous croc, I would say they're bordering on bamf material. If you don't want to waste your money on seeing it in the theatre, fine. Rent it when it goes to video. (With it's box-office sales, this should be soon). See it somehow. I'm serious.
High-bandwidth readers -- Sharkey @ 11:49 am
OK, that new Blur video is the funniest thing I have ever seen. That is the coolest milk carton on the face of the planet. Do you have a high-speed connection to the Net? Do you want the video? Then head on over to come.to/mjvideo. They've also got Blink 182's What's My Age Again, but sadly nothing else of value. Unless you value Tina Turner videos, in which case you can leave this site and never come back.
UPDATE: Oops, looks like they removed the Blur video just after I linked to it. The Blink video is still there though. Sorry kids, guess you'll just have to watch MTV.
| Friday, July 30, 1999 |
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 4:24 pm
Ahh, today's slice is a swimsuit-modeling, jackhole-marrying dutch apple. She almost disqualified herself by marrying that guy from Full House, but them jubblies make up for it. Here she is: Rebecca Romjin Stamos.
Tribes -- Sharkey @ 1:38 pm
Tribes is an awesome game, and I love playing it to old school Metallica, but there's one flaw I can't get over in the game: Other players.
It's an action/strategy game. You have to get a balance of both in order to win. I always end up on a team of tards. I don't even want to describe how shitty these players are. I've only been playing for a week or two, I shouldnt be the best player on the damn team. Anyone know of any Tribes servers without jackasses? I want to learn to play better, but I can't from morons like that.
| Thursday, July 29, 1999 |
Advice for Virgin Canucks -- Sharkey @ 11:17 pm
Looks like Bence has resorted to junior high mentality and declared that Badassmofo.com sucks. Let me make a couple quick comments.
First, I don't give a shit if lil' Hogie is whacking off right now. He can do whatever the fuck he wants in his spare time. Secondly, you need to drop this self-pitying bullshit. If you want to get laid, leave the house. Here's one piece of advice that may help: Get a little self-confidence. If you think that you're a tubby bitch who shouldn't be getting any, she's gonna be turned off. And girls most likely don't want to hear about how you tooled around on the Net today and updated your site. They want to hear how you've been boning up (pardon the pun) on computers in order to make money in the future. A lot of them want you to spend money on them. Get a damn job. Hey, maybe there will be chicks working at this job that you can practice on. And don't tell me it's hard to get a job. It's hard to get your lazy ass out from under your monitor. Get up, get out, get paid, get laid, AND STOP WHINING! Don't push your insecurities on to me, my staff, or my site. If you don't like the site, fine, don't come here again. Otherwise, shut up and listen with an open mind. Maybe you'll learn something.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Badassmofo.com, who reminds you that when you drink, drink heavily.
Hey Solosier... -- Sharkey @ 10:36 pm
They call it the boob tube in order to poke fun at the couch potatos who sit and veg in front of it all day. Remember, back in the 70s-early 80s not as many people were as dependant on TV as they are now. So you see, you, being the couch potato, are the "boob". This concludes our lesson for today, next week on Mr. Wizard we'll discuss the mystery "What are midichlorians?"
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 6:34 pm
Today's Slice is a fine slice of vampire-slaying dutch apple. She used to be on some soap opera (like I give a shit), and she's taken the role of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that used to belong to Kristy Swanson. I give you Sarah Michelle Gellar:
Enough blockquote shit -- Sharkey @ 5:25 pm
Well, in the last half hour I've recieved quite a few hate mails about doug. Just like old times. Seriously though, perhaps you've researched Scientology in your country, but I've studied them throughout the world. They've been kicked out of countries for their corrupt business practices, L. Ron was booted from the Church of Satanism, they've got brainwashing camps right here in So. CA. And those are just the well documented evils of the "Church" of Scientology. Go read Dianetics for fun. See what kind of new-age crap L. Ron tries to spew at you. Nothing but psychological tricks any non-tard could recognize.
Do me a favor, don't defend them around here. I'm well read on their evils. Microsoft has a better track record.
Atlanta office shooting -- Sharkey @ 2:28 pm
Looks like another shooting. A worker in an Atlanta, GA office building walked in and openend fire, then walked across the street to another building and did the same. 9 gunshot fatalities have been confirmed. Turn on CNN if you want more info. The police haven't released the suspects name, but they do know that it is a balding white male with glasses. No word yet on whether or not he played Doom.
Scientologists at it again -- Sharkey @ 2:13 pm
Grabbed this tidbit from the Daily Buzz today:
John Travolta's Battlefield Earth is the realization of his dream of making a film version of the late L. Ron Hubbard's sci fi work.
Hubbard, the founder of Scientology (rumored to have been a bet with Robert Heinlein), greatly influenced Travolta but it won't form the basis for the film, set 800 years in the future.
Hubbard's book is set in an era of darkness, when Earth has been taken over by vicious alien warriors called Psychlos, with Travolta as their tough chief of security.
Have you ever watched Travolta win an award? Every single time, he thanks L. Ron Hubbard in some way. I think when Wags gets back we're heading back to the Scientology center and ask them point blank how much I have to "donate" before they tell me about the aliens. God knows a few of 'em have to be living in Travolta's chin as we speak.
| Wednesday, July 28, 1999 |
Just so you all know... -- Sharkey @ 4:17 pm
That picture of Mox yesterday was what happened after he passed out, and everyone drew on his face. He's not a damn burn victim.
And just so you know, we're still waiting for Mabs' dumb ass.
Starving... -- Sharkey @ 4:14 pm
We're all fucking starving, we've been waiting for close to 2 hours to eat, and the last hour or so is due to everyones favorite asshole, Mr. Mabs. Mabs, when you read this later, realize that I am now watching you talk with Bob about some shit, and we are fucking starving. Next week, I'm bringing a gun with me. That way I can at least make the wait entertaining.
I'm still waiting, it's been five minutes since you went in that damn office. Mabs keeps looking over here and laughing. Bitch.
Boobscan -- Sharkey @ 12:08 pm
Shaggy sent in a link to Boobscan, which is basically what happens when you get chicks, big breasts, and scanners. Go check it out.
Wheeew! -- Bud @ 2:47 am
Thank the all mighty lord of badasses, Mr. Mabs will survive. I have been very interested in the life and trials of Mabs, now thats a story. I have had some bad shit happen to me before but shark bites and staff infection, whats a brother to do? Hey, at least your still alive. Hopefully, the leg will heal soon and you'll be back to you old(lazy)self. Hey Sharkey, how's the Kid doin', if you want some new wave child care advice, just let me know. I'm out. C-ya
| Tuesday, July 27, 1999 |
A brush with death -- Mr Mabs @ 9:43 pm
And now to my illness... I was in Hawaii on the North Shore surfing when i ate it and went under. While I was frantically searching for a way out I got knocked into a coral reef and rendered unconscious. Low and behold I get bit by a reef shark on my left leg. In a daze, I saw this bright light in the blue surf. I started to speed through this haunting light. I looked down and saw beneath me and saw my life and all good memories of the past as they raced by. I was mezmorized at the gates by the 5 slices of Victoria's Secret's angels greeting me in the puffy sky. A great voice beamed down and commanded upon me, "Let my people free! Get rid of doug! Do something please! I shall return you now."
With that I awoke in the hospital with a fine slice of dutch apple hovering over me changing my IV. I asked her what happened and she informed me that I had reefrash from the sharkbike and hitting the coral with the open wound. She also told me that I'd gone unconscious for about 20 minutes and that I had to pulled out of the water. She started laughing and said that when I was out I was mumbling "3:16...get rid of doug....3:16....get rid of doug...." So I hopped on my laptop (my gf came by and had it in her car) and took control by stripping doug of his posting rights. At first by the e-mails I thought I had done right, but then came to realize that we were now a village deprived of it's idiot. So after 48 hours his rights were returned at 3:16AM.
With that it was time to return home. Upon arrival my condition had worsened. I had a horrible fever and my leg had turned many shades of red and green. I went to the doc, and he put me on IVs and sent me to the hospital immediately. He told me I had a staff infection and that they'd have to operate, and they thought they could save the leg. (They THOUGHT they could save my leg?!?) With that I was out, 8 hours later I woke in a small white room. Looking down I noticed only a small portion of my leg gone, not nearly as bad as one would imagine. A few days off from work and a lot of drugs later it was time to return to the old grind. Upon arrival to the old job I was overwhelmed with work and meetings, and thus the lack of posts. Fuck all you naysayers, I cheated death and now I'm back. And Beefcake2010: God says to stop touching yourself.
Can the crap -- Sharkey @ 1:11 pm
I like pickin' on Lil' Hogie as much as the next guy, but he's seriously wasted enough of our time. Even Bence would look down on this guy.
Darth Mox -- Sharkey @ 1:05 pm
Just had to post this one:
Tards -- Sharkey @ 11:09 am
*Sigh*...they're everywhere:
After President Clinton got a dog named Buddy, lawyer Mohammed Baddy claimed he lost his dignity because their similar names made him the butt of people's jokes. So he sued Clinton for libel. An Egyptian court threw out the suit, saying it has no jurisdiction because the alleged infringement of Baddy's rights took place outside Egypt, officials said. Baddy, 40, filed the case and demanded $5 million in compensation. Baddy claimed Clinton caused him mental anguish by choosing a dog name similar to his. Baddy said people in his hometown made fun of him and compared him to Buddy.
....*Sharkey leers menacingly with his brow furrowed*.... I didn't think it was physically possible for someone to be such a jackhole. Suddenly I have a bit less respect for the human race, and a hope that the Malthion X plan is put into effect.
Back from the dead -- Mr Mabs @ 1:09 am
"I'm not dying i just can't think of anything better to do." OK kids, I am back from my traumatic illness and I have a few new stories to tell but first I need sleep. OK I don't need sleep I probably won't go to bed (pass out) for a few hours (need beer) but all you kids will have to wait for my new posts. (yes i said posts that's plural.. I am finally going to get off my lazy, half-dead ass and give you all a post or two) And let me tell all of you there is some bad ass slices of pie on the way fresh and steaming along with the secret details of Sharkey's kid he does not want you to know. But hey, we're all friends here and secrets don't make friends.
| Monday, July 26, 1999 |
First day back -- Sharkey @ 10:33 pm
Man, I felt all jazzed to get the fuck out of a car and out doing something, but I was fucking tired. Amazing how sitting on your ass all day will wear you out. Anyway, as for the car (not mine BTW), the transmission blew out. They've got an extended warranty on it, so it shouldn't be so bad. But they gotta wait until Friday for it to get fixed.
I feel the need to smash something. That reminds me, Mox never gave me an MPEG movie of us smashing the movie theatre box-office. That was fuckin' sweet. I wish I could destroy something like that every week. Good exercise, and a good way to vent. Hmmm....I think I'm on to something here...Make a warehouse filled with shit to smash to bits, and keep refilling it every day. Beats sitting on a lame-ass stationary bike. Then we could get half-naked cheerleaders to hop around and root for you while you bash walls with sledgehammers. Maybe we could import a few French people every week to kick the crap out of. Or for really special occasions, French-Canadians. It'll be bigger than Tai-Bo!
Bollocks! -- Sharkey @ 4:39 pm
That title works better yelled out with a heavy Brit accent. Anyway, I was busy updating the links to the left there (Roosh works now), when my good buddy Shaggy sent me this gem:
TV MADE ME DO IT, SAYS KILLER
Seventeen-year-old Mario Padilla who was sentenced to life without parole Thursday for killing his mother, has given a statement to a probation officer saying that his exposure to violent movies and television shows had strongly influenced his behavior. Portions of the statement were read in court by Judge John Cheroske before he sentenced Padilla. In it, the teenager remarked that he had watched TV since he was 7 and that it was "ironic how people say do not let your children watch TV at that age because it really does affect them." He went on to describe the "stages" he went through while watching violent shows: "The first stage you see a guy's head being blown off and you feel compassion," he said. "The second stage you see it again, you feel compassion, but it's not as strong as the first ... the fifth stage, you want to do it but it's just a thought. The last stage you do it and you want to do it again."
Boy, if I could choose any 2 words in the English language to describe my sentiment to this situation.....how about: MY ASS. All of you should know my feelings on violence in the media, and how the parent fits into the equation. If you're new, check the archives, I don't really want to rehash old cans of worms. It just pisses me off that some people will shift the blame so easily off themselves.
Blur Video -- Bud @ 2:33 pm
I caught the newest Blur music video just the other day, holy shit! That thing is the funniest/coolest thing I've ever seen. The whole thing is about a milk carton that has arms and legs and a face. It runs around a city looking for the missing person printed on the back of him. I missed the first 30 seconds of the video so I don't know how it starts. All I can say is look on MTV for this thing, I think it may be the BAMF video of all time, I don't even remeber what the song sounded like.
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 11:18 am
Thought you weren't getting a slice today? Guess again, cuz I'm back baby. And since I'm back, there's a slice I've been meaning to showcase since before I left. She's the dutch apple in American Pie who gets nekkid. Here she is, Ms. Shannon Elizabeth:
Texan pie...
| Sunday, July 25, 1999 |
Shite -- Sharkey @ 9:31 pm
Well, everything's good. In fact I need to get out and about, so I'm gonna do just that. More fun and games tomorrow, when I start upping the ante on this dog-n-pony show. We're kicking BadassMoFo into high gear. Regular programming will resume tomorrow. See you then.
Oh, and if I havent replied to your e-mails in the last couple of days, gimme a damn minute. I've had my hands a bit full.
Everything is cool -- Sharkey @ 7:44 pm
Guess what I'm typing this on kiddies? Nope, not my trusty laptop. I'm typing on my home machine. With my bitchin' Voodoo 3 card, 19 inch monitor, and cable modem. But Sharkey, you ask, how did you escape that shithole in Arizona? Simple. Rented a U-Haul and towed that bitch 300 miles into Orange County. BOO-YAH! Thanks for all the supportive e-mails and voicemail messages. But for now, I gotta piss.
More fun... -- Sharkey @ 8:20 am
Well, we're quite sure that it's a blown headgasket, which sucks my ass. We drove like 1300 miles, and she wouldn't go just 300 more. Oh well. Ate at Denny's last night. It's the first time in months that I've eaten there sober, and without a good "Mox is drunk" story. Anyway, we're hoping to get this sum'bitch at least looked at today, hopefully we'll be out of here soon.
| Saturday, July 24, 1999 |
Uhh.....shit. -- Sharkey @ 8:14 pm
Well, we're fucking stuck in some dump-ass backwater town in Arizona called Kingman. We are in the most back-ass redneck motel on the planet, and still 300 miles from home, and the car is fucked up. Let me describe this for you auto-shop grads.
The damn thing is (seemingly) spitting oil out of the exhaust and onto the back winshield, but there is plenty of oil in the car. The "Service Engine Soon" light is on, and it won't accelerate most of the time. When it doesn't accelerate, the oil pressure gage fluxuates up and down, but nothing else is wrong. The overflow for the radiator is good, no oil in it. No fluid leaking on the ground, no overheat...Cant really tell right now what's wrong.
That was my day, how was yours? If any of you have any suggestions, I would be glad to hear them because the damn service center where the warranty is good at won't be open til Monday morning, and I want to get the fuck out of here.
| Friday, July 23, 1999 |
On the road... -- Sharkey @ 8:39 pm
I am currently in the city of Tucumcari in New Mexico. Spent near 11 hours on the road today, but couldnt go farther due to the kid ridin' along. With the way things are going I should be seeing The Haunting on Sunday night after I get home. I gots work to do when I get back. New sections, new beers, new articles.
Also, thanks for all the calls to the 877 number. I know the message is a bit fucked up, but who gives a shit? Say your damn piece and thats that. I'll try to check on things before I go in the morning.
800 number madness -- Sharkey @ 7:07 am
OK OK, the official BadassMoFo hotline is up and running. Let's get some funny shit people. And let me know who you are if you call, and who specifically you are calling for.(Refer to Staff page).
1-877-626-0287. And only leave relevant messages kids. Anyway, time for me to drive for 2/3 days, so I'm Audi 5000.
| Thursday, July 22, 1999 |
Damn I suck! -- Bud @ 8:11 pm
My apology to all in badass land. Sharkey left me, Mox and Mabs in charge of the site while he is gone and we havn't posted shit. Mabs is dying so he has an excuse. Mox and I are to blame, so sorry. Yeah right, NOT, screw of all of you! I don't feel the need to post every day, thats why we have so many writers, that way I don't have to think up shit to say every day. I do know that I have been meaning to say something about all this JFK Jr. bullshit so here goes. I'm tired of every fuckin' channel devoting all of thier brodcasting time talking abut this "American tragedy". He did basically nothing for most of this nation(sure he helped start a couple of charities, but most of those are probably corrupt)and I don't think he deseves all the attention. There were three people on that plane, but the media only cares about one. I think that is a bunch of shit. If you or I flew our plane into the ocean the Coast Gaurd would send out a Cutter, look around for a while, and say we were lost at sea. Case closed.
Whats funny is how I rag on doug for misspellings, but I fix Bud's. And I completely agree with Bud on this one. Hot slices of pie were lost at sea as well, isn't that an American Tragedy? --Sharkey
Mail -- Sharkey @ 6:04 pm
Hmmm...let's dig into the ol' badass mailbag and pull out a gem....
Look at what i can add to BAMF i compiled a list
10: Post good pie pics (some of doug's are questionable and look like crack whores)
9: I can tell all of the kids about movies that i see because i see a lot because girls like movies and i like girls...
8: Im good at making fun of canadians from Canadia drinking their fucking blue beer... Canadian beer sucks Irish beer rocks
7: Im half irish and half Italian and im one ornery (not sure if thats spelled right) mother fucker
6: I hate Frogs from Canadia
5: I hate Frogs from France
4: I hate Frog wine
3: I play baseball with Frogs
2: I like beer
1: i like women and i hate canadians... all women are great... and if you dont have a section for asian women ill make one :p
Lucky
if you dont give me posting i will hunt you down...
This is the same guy who called me a hooker last week. He has also sent me in the right direction for pie before. Perhaps if Mabs croaks soon he has a chance. Although I didn't know that you could die of chronic lack of posting.
ROOSH! -- Sharkey @ 5:56 pm
I go on vacation and your site goes to hell pal. I expected something good to read dammit! I have no idea on what's up, so drop me an e-mail and gimme the lowdown. Oh, and has doug won for most hated?
Anakin casting -- Sharkey @ 6:37 am
I quote Cinescape:
Although casting for Episode II wasn't to begin until the fall, McCallum told the London Mirror that Lucasfilm has already got 60 actors on a list, none of which are Leonardo DiCaprio.
And there was much rejoicing. *Yay*. Sweet Lord! Is that really the time back home?!? Sweet Lord! Is that really the time here?!? I'm goin' back to sleep.
Tards -- Sharkey @ 6:37 am
I was just perusing a few sites when I came across an About.com advertisement in the form of a fake poll. The question was, "Should we outlaw all guns?".... I think that we should outlaw stupid questions and tards. But the damn liberal commies run the world, who seek to protect the tards in their natural habitat.
And YES, I mean liberal commies. The fact that it is an oxymoron of sorts is what makes it humorous to me. Of course the day I have to explain a joke is the day that it ceases to be funny. Thanks a lot you stupid geniuses.
| Wednesday, July 21, 1999 |
Stuff -- Sharkey @ 6:56 pm
Hey, I noticed something. I told Mabs, Bud, and Mox that the site was in their hands while I was gone. Not a post between them. Ahh but that's alright. I can always rag on doug. BTW, I don't care about your misspelling, I was merely pointing out that my spellin' skillz are the shit in comparison to yours (consult MoFo's Guide for more info).
Now I'm going to do some work. That's right, work on vacation. Isn't that just shoot ya in the face-kick you in the nuts-spectacular?
I am a lazy SOB -- Sharkey @ 1:14 pm
But at least I can spell, doug. Good pick for Slice of the Day though. Hopefully I get off my lazy ass today and record the message for the BAMF 800 number. Then I have to get off my lazy ass again to post the number.
My advice...keep waiting.
| Tuesday, July 20, 1999 |
Dammit doug.... -- Sharkey @ 9:37 pm
The only one that's allowed to be cryptic around here is Mabs, eh? Oh, and when are you going to comment on your impending death Mabs? As for me, I just got back from drinkin', playing pool and darts at some bar in Independence, MO. And I got an 877 number specifically for BadassMoFo.com and I'll be posting the number in the morning.
How's this for cryptic: Hey Lil' Hogie, how come you don't link to us anymore? Is this your way of saying, "Go Fuck Yourself"? MWA-HA-HAAAA!
Darth Toad? -- Sharkey @ 4:31 pm
Just a quickie. Darth Maul actor Ray Park is reported to be a martial arts consultant for the film. Internet rumors report him also taking an acting role as the oad, one of Magneto's lackeys.
Oh, and just in case you're wondering, it's pronounced Mag-Neat-Oh! Not Magnet-O. Anyone who pronounces it wrong becomes an official Kennedy, but without the money or fame.
Roosh's E/N awards -- Sharkey @ 4:27 pm
I hate using that term, but what else are you gonna call em? Anyway, Roosh is hosting the E/N awards. Vote us for best gratuitous use of pie! And dammit, doug better not be most hated. And not Frus either. Why not Mox? He made that crass joke about Kennedy the other day, send him some hate mail.
Oh, and on the doug hating front, apparently Roosh had some phone message from a doug-hater. This was amazing. doug, as the captain of this Badass ship, I order you to get yourself one of them 877 numbers. I gotta pick me up one too....
| Monday, July 19, 1999 |
I'm here -- Sharkey @ 8:26 pm
Hey everyone, I am now in Kansas City, MO. I was gonna post before I left early this morning, but the damn site was down. Oh well. I've left the site's administration/overseeing to the rest of the staff. I'll still be posting, but hey, it'll be a nice break. Oh, and I can say this to all those people sitting around me on the plane: Screw you guys. Stinky, sweaty people. And I'm a pretty tall guy, and those seats do NOT give enough room for the legs. My knees were up above the damn tray table.
BWP download -- Sharkey @ 12:41 am
Just so you all know, the spot where I got Blair Witch from is gone now. It was actually gone this morning when I woke up to find that the download of Austin Powers 2 had cut off ten minutes before the end, so now I've got almost all of that movie. And if you want to see Blair Witch, go see it in the theatre. It's a fantastic moviegoing experience. Ahh, and a question about the movie for those that have seen it (highlight, it will majorly spoil): What was in the bloody mess in the branch thing that they found in front of the tent? Some friends say it's Josh's teeth, I don't know, it could be his lips or ears or something. If you have any ideas on this, let me know.
| Sunday, July 18, 1999 |
Stupid Hitbox -- Sharkey @ 7:38 pm
That Hitbox is wiggin' out. I checked that POS around four hours ago, and saw that there were like 40 uniques all day. So I go WTF? I thought maybe the site was down or we had a really slow day, so I check the time frame of hits. Half came from midnight to 2am, and the rest came in the same hour I was checking the Hitbox (around 3:30). So I check it just now and all twenty some-odd hits that were there were now gone, and only hits for this hour and early this morning are there. That does it, I'm getting rid of that dumb thing. Referrers don't even work 'cause of the damn frames. And their stupid time javascript was what caused all the Macs to crash. Poor Mac users, sitting in front of their grape-colored machines, wishing they had a PC so they could read MoFo. That, and to play the hundreds of good games they're missing out on, but mostly BadassMoFo.
Stuff -- Sharkey @ 3:54 pm
Tried to go see Blair Witch again last night, but the theatre was way too full. When I got home, someone cool (yet anonymous) pointed me to where I could download the movie. Aw yeah baby. I'll be taking that with me on vacation. What's this? Vacation? In case you don't remember me mentioning it, I'm off to Kansas City tomorrow. My laptop charges as we speak. I'll be updating as much as possible from the road though, so no worries. Although the lack of cable modem might send me into shock from withdrawl. You can all still contact me the normal way, and I encourage it. I'll need good stuff to read on the way there and back. Oh yeah, and a buddy and I have been discussing the web's first ever celebrity nipple color resource. Sort of like a topless Pieclopedia: educational and entertaining....with nipples.
"You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish." -- Mox @ 3:27 am
I don't really have anything to say about this incident - I just felt like recycling an old Challenger joke.
| Saturday, July 17, 1999 |
Blair Witch Project -- Sharkey @ 4:20 pm
OK, this is one movie I'm glad I saw. It was unlike any movie I've ever seen. Mox and I went to see it this afternoon and it's phenominal. Now, I did my best to ignore everything about Blair Witch. Mox told me that it really didn't happen, but if you go to the Blair Witch website it's got all this evidence that it was real, and footage from the news and shit. So is it real? Did that stuff really happen? I doubt it, but WTF is up with all the trouble they went to on the site?
Whatever. This movie was insane. I don't want to spoil anything about it. Go see it, it's amazing.
Again? -- Sharkey @ 12:01 pm
Sad news everybody. No, Mr. Mabs is still with us, I'm talking about everyone's favorite Laser Tag enthusiast: Gary Coleman. It seems that he is in jail yet again. I was wondering why his latest article was taking so long. He was arrested earlier this week. I don't have all the details, but hey, you know Gary. Probably decked some asshole and got carted away. Anybody with information on our incarcerated compatriot please send it to me. We'll keep you posted.
Eyes Wide Shut -- Sharkey @ 4:20 am
This was one interesting flick. Many guys will go see this just to see Nicole Kidman get nekkid (partly why I went actually), so expect that going in. The crowd cheered when Kubrick's name came up, and again when Nicole's ass came onscreen. The movie itself was pretty good. It'll take a day or so before all of the nifty symbolisms and imagery are realized, though. If you're going to see nudity, there's plenty of it. This flick is chock full o' pie. And Lee Lee Soblieski (Forbidden Pie) in her friggin' underwear, almost see through. How they get away with that I'll never know. If you're a Kubrick buff, go see this film. If you're into movies with purpose/meaning, go see this film. If you want to see a lot of naked chicks, go see this movie. I think that covers all the bases unless you're dead. Go see it, it was a good flick.
Fat Whore! -- Sharkey @ 4:12 am
Yes, that title has relevance. I went to go see EWS tonight, but the review comes later. The most exciting part came before the movie. Me and my homies were kickin' it inside the theatre before they let the line in (we know the staff), when all of a sudden this big ol' brawl breaks out in the line. I rush out there to see what's up, and see the manager and an assistant (friends of mine) caught up in the mix, trying to calm the situation. These chicks were fully brawling on the ground, and this one in a pink dress was being dragged along the ground with her skirt over her head. Then her boyfriend runs up and gets beat on by the boyfriend of one of the other chicks. A whole mix of dudes hits the ground and guys are kicking other guys in the face while they're down. The management gets everyone separated, and it seems like everything is calming down.
Wrong. The guy who got his face beat in starts rushing the other guy, who is heckling him. And my buddy, the manager, is holding him back. But the guy is cussing out and pointing his finger in the manager's face. I was right by him, waiting for him to lift his fuckin' arm just once. He seemed more concerned with the other asshole though. He kept trying to get at him, and I had to help restrain his ass(he was WASTED). He yelled at me to get the fuck out of his way, and his breath reeked of alcohol. Then his girlfriend starts screaming "YOU FAT WHORE!" to the other chicks and trying to get at them, but the staff restrained her. The two who we were keeping at bay were messed up. They were drunk off their asses, and they got the shit kicked out of them.
They finally realized that the cops were on the way, and that they were in deep shit. So they try to escape with their buddies. They got caught about 100 yards away. When it was over, the line cheered. It was fuckin' funny.
| Friday, July 16, 1999 |
Tards -- Sharkey @ 8:12 pm
Well, after the meeting I had some time to kill before I go see Eyes Wide Shut, so I decide to get some food. I stop off at this bitchin' philly cheesesteak joint, and get some sweet grub. I sit down, and Jeopardy comes on. Well, the fucking tards in the next booth think it's cute to shout out the answers that they know, which of course ain't many. Every half minute or so I hear another dumb answer. Then they come to an easy one: what 80's sitcom starred the Keaton family. The dumbass answers with "Welcome Back Kotter". I blurt, "Wrong decade Einstien". The guy of course responds with "Lets see you do better!" I proceeded to answer the next 15 or so consecutive questions correctly. They seethed inwardly until an entire section dedicated to country music came on, where I remained mute. The guy says "Lost your heat eh?" to which I replied, "No, I refuse to answer on principle due to the fact that country music sucks my ass". Then I grabbed my tray, threw out the garbage, and left, correctly answering another question on the way out.
Malthion X everyone. It'll work. )
Wastin' time... -- Sharkey @ 4:08 pm
I'm sitting at work, waiting for people to get here for a meeting. Nothin' better to do, so I start clicking on link after link after link. Eventually I have checked just about every "E/N" site out there. Here are a few things I have discovered:
Presidents salary to be doubled -- Sharkey @ 11:54 am
According to this CNN story the House voted to not only give raises to members of Congress, but to double the President's salary to $400,000 a year. Now, I'm all for giving raises where raises are due. But doubling the President's salary for bungling a war or two, getting impeached, and getting head from interns? Sounds like I've found somebody with a better job than me. Thanks to Lucky for this story, who you may remember from yesterday when he called me a stupid hooker. I like that guy.
Rogue Squadron code -- Sharkey @ 11:42 am
How they kept the lid on such a code for over half a year is beyond me, but they did it. In case you missed it yesterday, Lucasarts put a code into Rogue Squadron that allows you to pilot Anakin Skywalker's Naboo Fighter. Hit the link for the lowdown on the ship if you own the N64 version. The Lucasarts website will have the patch for all you PC owners later today. Just in case you're in a hurry to use the code, here it is: Just type in HALIFAX? as your Passcode, select Enter Code, then type in !YNGWIE!. Select Enter Code again, and the Naboo fighter will be selectable. Enjoy kids.
| Thursday, July 15, 1999 |
How to suck up -- Sharkey @ 6:08 pm
Alright everyone, time to pull one out of the ol' mailbag:
are you really giving someone new posting rights???if so consider me or ill come down to wherever u live and kick your fucking ass
ive worked at a lot of sites so i know whats expected generally and shit...
i also watch a lot of fucking movies... like 3 a day or more. well not really because i cant afford it.
i am funny god dammit gimme a chance you stupid hookerLucky
Ok, you're obviously drunk, so you you're on the right track.
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 1:06 pm
Todays slice was submitted to me by my buddy Shaggy. This one should help Mabs out on his deathbed, she's an amazing slice of Strawberry: Angelica Bridges.
Here is a pic of Angelica at the beach, and another one of her in a slinky black number.
Naboo figher in Rogue Squadron -- Sharkey @ 12:48 pm
Do you own Rogue Squadron for the PC or N64? If you do, there's an extra treat awaiting you tomorrow. Lucasarts and Nintendo will simultaneously release the respective patches/codes so that you can pilot a Naboo starfighter from TPM in the game. Supposedly it's one kick-ass piece of machinery. The info will be released tomorrow on the Nintendo and Lucasarts websites tomorrow.
24 little hours... -- Mr Mabs @ 3:16 am
What a difference a day makes....
| Wednesday, July 14, 1999 |
Railway killer guy -- Sharkey @ 11:58 pm
Remember him? I bet you do. Seems he turned himself in to authorities in El Paso. Looks like he's up for a lot of jailtime or a few thousand volts. Got any comments on this doug? .....doug? Hello?
Just so you know... -- Sharkey @ 11:49 pm
doug is not fired. Geez, you people jump to conclusions. Mabs has some master plan that he has yet to reveal, that's all.
The Man -- Sharkey @ 11:00 pm
Ok, so I had to pay a traffic ticket today, which sucks my ass, but I dealt with it. But right before me in line there was this little Australian guy, and it turns out that a cop ticketed him because he didn't like his license. The guy had a valid international license, perfectly legal in the states, but this cop ticketed him. So the guy takes his ticket to the window and says, "Heres my license, take this off my record and cancel the fine". The lady starts giving him all this shit about how since he just got the ticket, it isn't in the computer and there isn't anything that can be done. She suggested that he wait for the notice to come in a few weeks. He says he's going back to Australia in a few days. She checks to see what can be done. They end up charging him a processing fee and say that hopefully the ticket doesnt go through. On his way past me I said, "Country sucks, doesn't it?" Seriously, America can be such a great place, but we let tards run the show and fuck everything up.
Then I think...at least we're not in Canada. (Had to sneak one in )
Somethings missing.... -- Sharkey @ 8:53 pm
Hmm...I haven't received any "Kill doug" e-mails today. Somethings up. Oh yeah, the posting rights thing. Sorry about that doug, Mabs is a dying man and far be it from me to deny him his last request. He asked me to leave it, so I leave it. How does everyone feel about the silencing of doug? doug, why don't you post your thoughts on thi....oops. Sorry, my bad.
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 8:43 pm
Today's slice is a fine dutch apple. I first saw her in the movie She's All That, and also on that episode of Dawson's Creek where she got nekkid. I give you Rachel Leigh Cook:
Ba-Dam! She's got that cute-yet-bitchy thing happening in that one. Here's a pic of her from She's All That, and here's another one where she appears to be wearing a mood ring. If so, she's fuckin' pissed. She's cute when she's angry.
Site stuff -- Sharkey @ 3:32 pm
Hells yeah. Bud sent us his latest music review, and our newest member of the staff, The Don, is up on the Staff page. Speaking of which, go check out the staff page on Roosh. Funny shit. The Don will be helping me compile our largest MoFo's Guide yet, The MoFo's Guide to Cookin'. I know, it was supposed to be done awhile ago. Well, it sucked. A Badassmofo can't live on just the stuff I had compiled. This is gonna kick ass. Recipies involving meat, pasta, alcohol, you name it. And tonight, Big Jim, Mox, and myself are going to do more recording of the Badassmofo theme song. And what do I hear from Gary Coleman? His latest article is due this week. It's a sweet time to be a BadassMoFo.
Bastards! -- Sharkey @ 12:55 pm
OK, so just after I got my laptop (Winbook FX), the new XL models came out. That means that all the FX components are taken off the shelves. No worries, Im thinkin', because Winbook sells everything online. So for my trip next week I desperately need a car/plane adapter. So after making sure that no stores carry it, I go online. I check out their ordering info, and you can put it on 2 day FedEx or Overnight FedEx. So I'm stoked, because I'm used to Dell's overnight turnaround. So I sign up for Overnight FedEx, order the part, and pay my money. Then comes the catch:
Your part will take up to 6 weeks to ship from our factory
.....I am staring at the screen, brow furrowed, menacingly staring at the screen. Only one common sense question lingers in my now raging mind...Why the hell would you offer overnight shipping on something that will take up to 6 weeks to get out of your factory. SONS OF WHORES! GAAAAAH! So, naturally, I figured I'd let you guys know about it before I go and make some customer service guy's life a living Hell. I will have that part tomorrow or I will have my money back with an apology. Stay tuned.
Silence -- Sharkey @ 5:10 am
Huh, looks like Mr. Mabs has locked up doug's posting rights. Wonder what he's up to....
doug 3:16 -- Mr Mabs @ 3:16 am
It is done. 48 hours. Peace.
| Tuesday, July 13, 1999 |
Cryptic foreshadowing -- Mr Mabs @ 11:50 pm
Get ready. doug 3:16 cometh.
Startling revelation -- Sharkey @ 10:01 pm
Wow, I just realized why Canada was voted the best place to live. Why you ask? Because there I could live like a king. See that hot Canadian chick? She'd much rather sleep with me than a Canadian guy with his flip-top head slingin' "eh" all over the place. Need something? Just order a Canadian to do it. What's he gonna do, put up a fight? See, people always rag on Canada, but Canada's got some nice scenery and land. Just work around the Canucks and I'm talkin' aboot a great place to live, eh?
Hey -- Sharkey @ 9:12 pm
Quake 3 is a pretty good game once it's not a lag slideshow.
*In this slide, Sharkey respawns*
*In this slide Sharkey attempts to shoot someone*
*In this slide Sharkey is meat, with 0 frags, 1 death, and a 500 ping rate*
Now I can actually comment on the quality of the game. The physics are a bit different than Q2. In Q2 you felt like a big fuckin' marine carrying a big fuckin' gun. In this one you feel like a light little guy with a futuristic taser. Not quite as realistic, but still fun. And man, those jumpads rule when they don't cause a lag overflow.
A sad day indeed -- Sharkey @ 9:02 pm
Well kids, gather 'round, Sharkey's got some bad news for you. Seems our perpetually lazy movie reviewer, Mr. Mabs...is a dying man. He probably doesn't have much longer, but he is more than likely going to post a few more times. We'll miss Mabs. A good friend and a complete ass, but a funny-ass sum'bitch. You will be mourned Mabs, your memory will live on.
And you can help him live on, because as soon as he eats it we're giving away his posting rights. Damn skippy, and the next guy better not be such a lazy bastard. With all due respects to the dying man, of course.
Ding-dong the asshole's dead, the asshole's dead, the asshole's dead. Ding-dong....
BOOM! -- Sharkey @ 2:52 pm
BOO-YAH! Playin' Q2 for the first time w/the cable, and my frags were 80 while the next runner up was at 46. Aw yeah. I came in late on that sum'bitch too. And with the cable modem there's none of that annoying lag. Sweeet. And I forgot to hold ALT when I did a print screen, so the screenshot I got was all fucked up.
| Monday, July 12, 1999 |
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 5:54 pm
Today's slice is our resident Caliente slice. Damn she's hot. And her performance in Out of Sight was smoldering. Without further delay, Jennifer Lopez:
Uhh..is that a....
Romero leaves RE movie -- Sharkey @ 4:51 pm
More of Hollywood backing down to the MPAA I'm afraid. Horror legend George Romero has quit the Resident Evil movie. Apparently Romero left the project at a crucial stage of development, although no reason has been given as to why. The film's producers are said to be carrying on with the movie, now taking it in a "different direction". Bastards, that would have been a bitchin' flick. Oh well, at least there's Blair Witch and Haunting to look forward to.
Screw dial-up -- Sharkey @ 1:56 pm
You know it baby, I've been waiting to say it for so long.....
Go Cable Modem. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find the next 30 slices of the day simultaneously and crash my system.
| Sunday, July 11, 1999 |
11 hours... -- Sharkey @ 11:54 pm
Until I get my new cable modem. It's going to kick some monstrous ass. I'm gonna hop onto a Q3 server and see how low my formerly monstrous ping is. Then it's on to MP3s. And lots of 'em. Anybody with cable modems out there have any tips on where to get shit?
Enough -- Sharkey @ 4:52 pm
Enough of this crap with Solo. Let me ask this, does anyone out there give a shit?
*crickets chirping*
Case Closed. No more posts about Solo.
Tribes -- Sharkey @ 3:59 am
Frank, Robert, you were right, that game is fuckin' badass! Does anyone play this game? I've had it for months and never got the chance to try it. Maybe we could get a bamf tribe going. That could be fucking sweet.
The General's Daughter -- Sharkey @ 3:56 am
Broke down and saw Assface's new movie today. Normally I steer clear of movies starring Scientologists, but since Eyes Wide Shut comes out next week, I figured I should prep myself a bit. The movie was actually entertaining. The only nudity in the movie was in rape sequences, which don't count unless you're siome sickass freak. The plot twists were cool, but every character in the movie was a puss. They were all high-ranking military officers who would be like:"I'm not telling you anything!", then a few seconds later, "Ok, ok, I'll tell you". I mean, one character like that would have been enough, but every damn character pussed out? I mean, these are the people that make up our national security and they can't keep one damn secret? Decidedly non-badass of them. Still, it was an entertaining movie. Thankfully I didn't have to pay to see it.
Ah Crap -- Sharkey @ 3:49 am
Nice rant BTW Bud. Let me re-iterate a point for Solo and whomever is wondering...*Ahem*:
The views and opinions of doug are not representational of Badassmofo.com or it's staff.
Now we're not calling doug or Roosh wrong. I'm just saying that doug has his own views on what he should post about. Calling Solo a liar isn't my idea of a post. I'd be a hypocrite if I say I didn't lie. In fact, it's time for some truth telling of my own. I am not actually a man. I am actually a half-dozen trained chimps in a bamf suit. And doug is actually a team of 45 Lithuanian "dwarves" all named Frank. I'm going to go fling my own feces at Canada. Oh, and to Morning over at Solosier: We chimps as a collective love you too.
Frickin' Doug -- Bud @ 1:48 am
Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Here we are trying to get people to check out our site and you are wasting your precious posting rights on bashing some other web page. First of all, Solosier only props our page like daily. Secondly, since when are we a bunch of fucking private investigaters? If you want to spend your boring ass 16 year old life ripping someone elses work, do it in the car when your mom is driving you to the mall to see the Backsteet Boys doing a record signing at the Gap! What purpose do you serve? It must be that controversy element that the public hungers for. What do you think this is, Hard Copy. Chill out, find something constructive to channel your energy on. God Damn!
| Saturday, July 10, 1999 |
American Pie -- Sharkey @ 2:59 pm
Now this was a fuckin' funny movie. For those of you who haven't payed any attention, American Pie is about four guys who make a pact to get laid before the end of their senior year. Luckily, the eye candy in this movie is abundant. Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia) is the only one ot get naked, but it's some quality shit. Tara Reid is another fine slice in the movie, who you may also remember as being the best part in The Big Lewbowsky. Also, Blink 182 is not only on the soundtrack, but they're in the movie(they're the band with the monkey). If you haven't already, go see this movie. It's crass, vulgar, and hysterical, just the way I fuckin' like it.
| Friday, July 09, 1999 |
Midgets! -- Sharkey @ 4:40 pm
Go check out the midget manifesto. Hope Gary Coleman doesn't notice that one. He gets all pissy when anyone says 'midget'. Thanks to Jay for this one.
Frus is right -- Sharkey @ 3:45 pm
Ha! Never thought you'd see that on this site. Go buy Californication by the Chili Peppers. It's a fuckin' sweet CD. Oh, and while you're at it, but the new Blink CD, and the new Limp Bizkit. Kick-ass.
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 2:54 pm
Well, I asked for your help the other day, and here are the fruits of your labor. Today's slice is a former Miss USA, a Cajun (spicy!), and is the only thing worth watching on UPN. You know her as the Doritos girl, Ali Landry.
I want to be a Dorito (heh-heh)
Want more? I bet you do. Here's a pic of her crouching in a skimpy bikini. Here is another pic exhibiting her fabulous...charms. And just for good measure, here's one of her soaking wet.
Where have I been? -- Bud @ 2:00 am
This week is flying by, I havn't seen BAMF in like two days. I missed the whole layout change(thank god). I just got an anual pass to the house of the mouse(Disneyland). Now I am pretty much anti-mouse but all my pals got passes so you know. I figure that its easier to ruin Disney from inside out. I do admire summer time atire at the park. I have seen many slices the past few timed I've gone. Chicks and tank tops, no bra, how special. My bro-inlaw works there so I can see him and give him shit. Random thought......If its not Scottish, its crap!
Red is Dead -- Sharkey @ 12:34 am
The one-day campaign is over. We poked fun at Beefcake, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled badass programming. Complete with hot Slice of the Day, sweet layout and smooth, crisp taste. Uhh...maybe not the taste thing, and...come to think of it our layout is getting a bit old....
I smell a redesign. Oh, and thanks to everyone who e-mailed me and posted in that guestbook. What a fuckin' riot. I especially liked "You will learn to phear the mofo as you fear your mother's strapon dildo. "
| Thursday, July 08, 1999 |
Guuuh... -- Sharkey @ 9:58 pm
Boy, if this site had feelings, it'd be ready to kick my ass right now. I feel like I've dressed my child up like a clown. This crap has to come down soon. Tomorrow, you will be brought back to your regular Badassmofo schedule. Way too much red, fuckin' ugly.
Thought I was done? -- Sharkey @ 6:21 pm
Heh, I can't wait to get rid of this shitballs layout. In the meantime, here is a little tidbit to tide you over: Beefcake2010's secret page! Isn't it fantastic how he keeps the same shitty design? This is fun, we should rag on people more often. Oh, and this isn't an ego thing, we're just baggin' on the kid because he deserved it. All in good fun. If you can't wait for tomorrow to have the old layout back, click here to go back to old school style.
Awww.... -- Sharkey @ 1:22 pm
So he shut down eh? Mission accomplished I suppose. We'll be beefcake-ized all day, so enjoy the party while it lasts kids! And be sure to send your love in to the Guestbook.
Lil' Hogie -- Sharkey @ 11:50 am
That's what his buddies call him anyway. According to doug, Beefcake was all pissed off about this and suddenly changed his tune. Why did he change his tune? Because I said he should. HA! Rule number 2 in the MoFos Guide to Life: The BadassMoFo is never wrong. This means you stand by your opinions, or admit you are not a BadassMoFo. Here's what you guys can do. Go to his Guestbook and sign it. Go at it, because he has disabled his ICQ. Tell him he's a phomo (with a silent 'ph' and an imaginary 'f').
Slice of the Day (not really) -- Sharkey @ 5:14 am
Todays slice is....Crust. Plain and simple crust. Sorry you guys have to endure this. I PROMISE I'll make it up to you. Until then, here is Beefcake2010's mom, our Slice of the Day:
*Shudder*
Good work on farming that one out doug. Boy, she fell out of the ugly tree, hit every branch, and got a waffle iron in the face. I can't look anymore.
What the FUCK? -- Sharkey @ 5:08 am
As you can see, we've changed. Don't worry, it's not permanent. We're just putting ol' Beefcake 2010 (the guy whos been fucking with Solosier) in his place. This kid ripped off the pieclopedia and my code, and did it badly. His real name is Shea Hogan (I think). His forum and guestbook and shit should still work, so feel free to let him know what you think of this well-put together little site. Oh, and this will all go away soon. In the meantime, click here to go back to the old Badassmofo.com. I hate looking at all this red too. And WTF? Winnie the Pooh? What a "phomo". Click here to see why we have done this. Enjoy.
| Wednesday, July 07, 1999 |
Thanks -- Sharkey @ 6:38 pm
Thanks to all you knowledgeable bamfs who informed me that the Doritos chick is Ali Landry. BOO-YAH! She's a stokin' hottie.
Stuff that Rules/Sucks -- Sharkey @ 6:37 pm
First off, we'll start with stuff that rules. I got two of the four web designs finalized last night. I'm gonna finish them up tonight. Also, my cable modem will be here soon. KICK ASS!
As for suck, the damn pager company cut off my pager with no warning. Rat bastards. I didn't get a bill, and yet the cut it off. WTF! It's only a damn $30 bill! At least tell me before you cut off my service you stinking crack-smokin' whores!
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 4:28 pm
Today's slice has been in many and varied roles in her acting career. Her new movie "Summer of Sam" should be in theatres soon. You know I'm talkin' about Mira Sorvino:
Help -- Sharkey @ 3:26 pm
OK everyone, need some help on this one. Does anyone know who the Doritos chick is? I was told that she is also in the new 98 Degrees video (*shudder*). She is amazingly hot, and I want to know who she is. Gimme the lowdown kiddies.
Nintendo changes console name -- Sharkey @ 3:01 pm
Seems Nintendo got ahold of thier brain. They've officially changed the name of the Dolphin console to "The Next Generation Game Console". Still sounds lame, but not as much as "Mom! Mom! I want the Dolphin for Christmas! No Mom, I'm not a homosexual!"
Pac-Man: First perfect score -- Sharkey @ 2:56 pm
I take it everyone here remembers Pac-Man with fond memories, right? It seems that nobody ever pulled off a perfect score, until this month that is. Billy Mitchell of Fort Lauderdale FL, scored 3,333,360 points. Read the article. That's fuckin' amazing. I thought somebody would've scored perfect on that damn game by now. BTW, if anyone out there knows where I can score a cheap tabletop version of Pac-Man or Ms. Pac-Man, let me know.
Waitin'.... -- Sharkey @ 12:34 am
Well, I'm writing this from the server room at my work. From the mail server to be exact. It's freezing in this shithole. Big problems tonight. I had to run up here and set this shit straight. In fact, the server is back up, services are online. Everythings a-go. Fuckin'-A right, I'm audi.
Just thought I'd share the shitballs part of my day with you.
| Tuesday, July 06, 1999 |
Automated bacon -- Sharkey @ 9:50 pm
So I'm cruisin' along my normal path to work, slowing down at the usual speed trap spots. And then I get to the home stretch: a long piece of road with almost no place for a cop to hide. But what do I find today? One of those damn speed sensors that lets you know how fast you're going. And guess where its aimed? Right at me. If I find a fucking bill in the mail with a picture of me speeding, Im going to send it back with a picture of their fuckin' money. Those things don't hold up in court here anyway.
Flash Games -- Sharkey @ 3:37 am
OK everyone, doug's Flash games are up and ready to go. You can get to them in the funstuff section, or you can go directly to MoFoPong or Kil the Tard. Bitchin' doug.
Wait a damn minute.... -- Sharkey @ 3:08 am
OK, time for a good ol' BadassMoFo reality check. Something has been missing on this site, and it's taken me a week or two to figure it out. I let this site become a chore rather than fun lately, and I'm sorry you guys had to see the site this way.
I've got four websites get desiged before the end of this month, I've got two vacations coming up to plan for, and a shitload of stuff to do. (Do I sound like I'm complaining? Because I'm not.) I just let the crap going on affect me. I let it affect my take-no-shit, badass, humorous, I-could-give-a-crap take on life. Well, fuck that.
On that note, doug stays. Why? Because I fucking say so that's why. The guy writes well. The staff likes picking on him, and he doesn't give a shit. That friends, is the attitude to have. You all give him shit, he comes up with some bitchin' Flash games for you to play. Someone e-mailed me: "And enough of this democracy bullshit, its your page do whatever the hell you want". Damn right. Keep the political bullshit on some other site, this place is all about a good time. Humor, beer, pie. Not necessarily in that order. And if I hear any whining, I'm using my otherworldly powers to banish you to France. That's right, France. I thought you'd see things my way.
| Monday, July 05, 1999 |
Games -- Sharkey @ 7:19 pm
Those games kick ass doug. I'll be sure to post them once I have FTP access I'll put them up.
Oh, and BTW, doug is way winning. And please include some intelligent reasons as to why we should or shouldn't keep doug around. And "doug is a 'phomo'" (you know who you are) does not count.
Quake 2 -- Sharkey @ 5:14 pm
I was testing out my new keyboard/mouse layout in Q2, and someone came in and said "Hey Sharkey when are you getting rid of that Canadian doug?" That was pretty fuckin' funny. Who still doesn't like doug btw? Here's an idea, if you like doug or hate him, let me know. If enough of you hate him, he's off. I doubt that many of you hate him, but far be it from me to deny you Badassmofos from kickin' around the Canuck. You know how to reach me.
Hey Nostradamus... -- Sharkey @ 2:00 am
Aren't we all supposed to be dead or something?
Hello friends. -- Bud @ 1:40 am
It's now the fifth of July, I love all these f#*kin' holidays. I havn't been sober in, shit i don't know how many days. It started with the Warped Tour on Thursday and probably wont end until Tuesday some time. Had huge raging partys in four diffrent So-Cal citys this week end. Thats why you have not heard from me for a few days. I can only tell you that my liver is dying and I have injested so many Advil that I think my legs are permenatly numb. So, sorry Sharkey But I loved this weekend. Work sucks but some poor S.O.B. has to do it.
Yeah, even if I didn't actually do anything. I just sat at work and waited for the damn phone to ring.
| Sunday, July 04, 1999 |
Suck Ass -- Sharkey @ 10:17 pm
That 4th of July celebration sucked my ass. Unfortunately, where I live they have outlawed fireworks, so you usually have to go see a show. Mabs, Bud, Haus, The Don, and a bunch of friends went into another city to light them off. But I had to work. Son of a bitch. But there are usually a couple of shows that you can see from my work, so it's not a total loss. Guess again. Both shows sucked my ass. They were so bad it was actually a waste of time for me to watch. Neither even had a finale! Bastard commies have taken my America away. I'm going to protest this sad display by lighting off my own damn fireworks, screw those pussies.
Happy 4th of July -- Sharkey @ 2:28 am
Happy 4th everybody. Went and bought a few fireworks yesterday, hope to light a few off. Oh, and doug, here's how I see Canada and US relations: Don't bite the hand that could bitch slap your ass into oblivion. (a slight variation on the original, but I like it.) Mocking our time honored badass traditions will just lead to them giving me a railgun and a license to blast some Canuck ass, eh? Our forefathers suffered and fought so that we may get drunk, have barbeques, score with chicks and blow shit up. That, my friends, is the American Way.
| Saturday, July 03, 1999 |
Damn Bacon -- Mr Mabs @ 9:05 pm
So Im flyin home doing about 80 last night, and out of the corner of my eye I see the evil site, 4 (*count em) 4 of Newport Beach CA's finest, just waiting for me and my fellow speed-demons so they can administer the punishment of my 5th speeding ticket in the last 7 years. The real tragic thing about it is that I cant go to traffic school because I just went. This racks up the second speeding ticket on my new car. That's it, every car I've ever owned had 2 tickets then BOOM, time for a new car. My car's life is over.
Oh, and if anyone wants to get me a Christmas gift a bit early, you can pick me up Nicole Kidman, without clothes preferably. I WANT STRAWBERRY PIE!
Identifying with the American Public? -- Mr Mabs @ 8:53 pm
Open the paper today (LA Times) and see an article about GOV Bush (R Texas - Home of the Stanley Cup champions Dallas Stars) who is running for president and it states that he is worth more than 20 million. With money split over money market accounts and US treasury bonds, and I guess that with all that cash he can afford to give away his book advance fee of approx. $120,000 to some schools. Combine that with the over 30 million dollars his campaign has raised can you say "hail to the chief"? On a side note a message to self go into politics because trust me, I can bullshit with the best of 'em.
And now the Urinator......What???? -- Mr Mabs @ 8:37 pm
So I am reading the latest copy of Rolling Stone Magazine (yes I can read I'm just too lazy to post on a regular basis) and I come across this ad for the Urinator. What does it do you may ask? Let the ad tell you: "It does the peeing so you don't have to!" It's a device to hold clean piss in when you have a drug test coming up. It holds your urine sample up to 4 hours at body temp so you can pee clean you can even order concentrated urine for $10 a pop. If you go on to read the ad it states you can even share it among friends or as they suggest you could rent it out for extra income. If you don't believe me, check out thier site at Urinator.com. Be prepared it's 149.99 without clean pee for your test. But hey, thats the price you pay for something thats 9-Volt battery operated, fits in the palm of your hand, and is easily concealable. I can assure this much, no 9-Volt battery operated gizmo with someone else's urine will ever be in my hand.
NIN -- Mr Mabs @ 8:25 pm
Nine Inch Nails new double album "The Fragile" comes out in September. It was recorded in New Orleans over the last 2 years. About damn time.
Fireworks -- Sharkey @ 6:14 pm
Fireworks kick ass. Too bad I have to fucking work tomorrow. Doesn't mean I can't get shitty and blow stuff up. Speaking of which, I'm shitty.
Site Stuff -- Sharkey @ 9:36 am
Ok, looks like we're getting a couple more sections. One is for sure, and it should be set up today. You guys should really enjoy this one. I'm also putting up a Frequently Asked Questions thing, which should help you guys get to know us.
It seems a lot of people are getting burnt out on this whole "E/N" scene. I just want to let all our loyal readers know that I don't plan to keep us in just that category. So far, I've enjoyed every minute of this site. I hope you guys have too. I just want to let you guys know in advance that we're going to add more badassness. This page that you are reading will always be the same, but we're adding more fun shit for your reading pleasure. As always, I want to here what you think. Let me know what sort of things you want. After all, we're doing this for you guys.
Be prepared. More beer, more chicks, gadgets, and games. More badass shit than you can handle.
Legal BS -- Sharkey @ 9:17 am
I was thinking of posting about this on the Roosh forum, but I felt I'd post about it here instead. Something is going down between Frus and the guys at Ramblings. Yes, she has a right to be pissed. It's not her fault her sense of humor comes and goes. I like Frus, and I feel bad that so many people pick on her (myself included on occasion), and some people do take it too far. But Frus, you can't win this one. I don't care what your paralegal said, if you mean to pursue a lawsuit of some sort (I hope you don't), there is no way you can win.
This is exactly what I thought, until I realized she had already won. Ramblings is going down. She suceeded in scaring the shit out of them, and they're shutting down/moving on. Sneaky and underhanded Frus, very nice.
| Friday, July 02, 1999 |
Sweeeeet -- Sharkey @ 3:13 pm
Looks like it's almost time for me to chant "GO CABLE MODEM!" But not yet. Seems they're booked up a week and a half in advance. Must see what I can do about that. Guess it's time for me to start downloading MP3s again. What's the best spot to get them?
We Were All Cheated -- Sharkey @ 1:20 pm
Here is an exerpt from Cinescape, try not to cry at the second paragraph guys:
It didn't set the box office on fire, but Starship Troopers gave actress Denise Richards her start for which she is grateful. Richards told The Calgary Sun "I was a nobody who'd been struggling for years just to get a role in a movie that wouldn't go direct to video."AAAARGH!! I mean, yes, she was way hot in Wild Things, but I would have actually seen Showgirls had Denise been in it. We men have all been deprived of some quality entertainment.
"I had auditioned for Elizabeth Berkley's role in Showgirls," Richards added, "but fortunately Paul [Verhoeven, the director of both films] or somebody didn't think I could do it or my career could have got derailed before it had a chance to get going."
| Thursday, July 01, 1999 |
Slice of the Day -- Sharkey @ 10:13 pm
A little late in the day I admit, but I've been busy, so shut up. Today's Slice goes out to Scott Ableidinger, and man is she a hottie: Amy Weber.
Canada Day -- Sharkey @ 9:26 pm
Well, it's kind of hard to pick on the Canadians when doug goes and puts up that nice ass.....ahh, you know I will anyway. What's this Canada Day aboot anyway? And what sort of shit do you do? See, to celebrate our Independence, we fire off guns, get drunk, have BBQ's, and blow shit up. You guys probably sit around the cewch drinking Molson Ice and wondering where your actors went. Oh, here they are. Aaaah, I had to do it. Just wait until those asshole Frenchies declare thier own day. I can see it now...Cowards Day. No no, how about, Run Like A Sissy Girl Day. WAIT! How about, I Love Jerry Lewis and Mimes Day!
DAMMIT! -- Sharkey @ 6:36 pm
No not the Blink 182 song. I missed the Warped Tour today. I was supposed to go with some friends but I missed out. SONUVABITCH! Less than Jake, Blink...all missed. Oh well, at least I got something constructive done today. I moved my PC from my dresser to my desk. I used to use a wireless keyboard sitting on my bed, and from that far back I had to use 800*600 res. Now I can kick it with a higher res, all the way up to 1600*1200! But I think I'll stick with 1024 setting. Most pages look like shit at that high res. Oh, and Bleem! and DirectX 6.1 somehow fucked up my 3D settings, so now my machine locks up and blacks out when I run a 3D program.
You know what I just realized? This desk needs a much more comfortable chair.
Wild Wild Crap -- Sharkey @ 12:48 pm
Heh, big surprise, corporate whore Will Smith's latest swill Wild Wild West, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, has been declared one of the worst films of the year. Here's what a few critics had to say:
"Wild Wild Worst"-New York PostMaybe we won't have to listen to that piece of shit song anymore. That would make my day.
"Wild, wild waste of time"-also Post
"Wild, wild mess"-USA Today
How the Wild Wild West Was Dumb-The Washington Post
More movies -- Sharkey @ 3:19 am
After seeing South Park, Mox and I went up to Burbank to meet up with Big Jim, so we could see the digital projection of Star Wars. I didn't know that there were only 4 theatres in the country showing it, that's pretty cool. When we got there, they had this guy from TI explaining how the projector works. Mox and Big Jim wanted to go test his knowledge and make him look stupid in front of the crowd, so we go up and they start shooting questions. He fared pretty well, turns out that the projector is based off of millions of mirrors contained in a little cubic-inch sized chip. The movie itself is 250 GB, and is stored on numerous 20GB hard drives. I thought I had him when I asked what file format the movie was in, but he just rambled some obscure bunch of numbers that was probably bullshit. Well informed for a trained chimp.
As for the movie, the digital projection was cool. They can only project onto a 40-50 foot screen, so the size isn't as good as we're used to, but they did have EX installed. The quality of the movie was excellent. The colors look way better than film, but some of the resolution quality suffers. On foreground objects, everything looks beautiful, but when they focus on something far off, it's all fuzzy. Still, it'll be bitchin' once they get it working better. If you want more info on the digital projectors, go to the DLP website.
Oh, and after the movie, Mox plotted to steal the little Star Wars sign they had above the door. Took him quite a few tries, and I had to show him how to get it out of the damn case, but he got it. Nice sign too. Which reminds me, where the fuck is my double sided Star Wars one-sheet Fast Eddie? It doesn't take a damn month to frame!
South Park -- Sharkey @ 3:09 am
Went and saw South Park today. Went to the Pierside theatre, which has a lot of fine-ass chicks wearing next to nothing running around. All I can say, is that South Park made me bust a gut laughing. I don't know how they got away with any of that stuff. It was offensive on so many levels, I'm sure they'll get sued by a few people. It was so funny though. Be warned though, there's a lot of singing. It's like watching a demented musical. It was funny to hear them swearing though. Go see the movie if nothing offends you, and you love South Park. You'll be in tears.
Oh yeah, Kyle's moms a bitch.
