I know, we have a movies section. But do any of you really even try looking in there anymore? I run the place, and I haven’t looked in there since the Clinton administration. Anyway, I’d just like to go over some of the shizzle in our summer blockbuster nizzle, that has me salivating like Harry Knowles at a Vegas buffet. If you missed the Superbowl (fucking commie), you missed some great movie trailers.
First on the list is The Hulk, with Ang Lee handling the directin’ and Jennifer Connelly directin’ the handling. And by handling I mean the self-handling you’ll be doing at home after seeing her in this flick. I just pray that this flick doesn’t wind up becoming another comic-book stinkfest like The Punisher. But no fear, you cannot stick a guy who’s name phonetically sounds so close to the main character he’s playing (Bana:Banner) into a film without that film coming out as the celluloid representation of solid gold. Plus, there’s destruction galore and the aforementioned Connely. Failure is not an option here.
Next up is The Matrix, which is probably the most anticipated flick of the summer, so I really don’t need to discuss it at all. Just don’t let it suck, or nerds everywhere will suffer a horrifying revelation: Carrie Ann Moss is not very hot. Shhh…
Let’s see, then there’s Terminator 3, which, if you take statistics into account, will probably suck rancid ass out of a straw. I think I used my daily quota of similes in that first paragraph alone, so I’ll have to cut this one short.
Bruce Almighty looks fairly funny, and I hope for Adam Sandler’s sake that his new flick Anger Management isn’t a huge pile, or he’ll be lucky if they let his ass back on SNL. BTW, their halftime show was fucking amazing. (I ain’t restin’ until there’s a black Keebler elf in that damn cartoon!) Anyway, it’s late and I’m done digging up the trailers that I wanted to see again and regurgitating them at you. I’ll leave you with this one final note: Go see Darkness Falls, it’s the one big surprise of the season.
By the way, the big surprise is when you find that you’ve clawed your own fucking eyes out in freakish agony, and somehow reached a state of complete inner peace. At least, that is, until you realize that you can still hear it…
ROFLShe made you go see it huh ?
MoviesThe Hulk worries me…mostly because you can tell it’s going to me mostly CGI, which although pretty cool, is starting to get a bit old and overplayed. Hopefully the real acting will be good enough that it lets the massive amounts of CGI to be acceptable.Daredevil pretty much just pisses me off. First off, Ben Afflick was only entertaining in Dogma. He alone makes me not want to see this movie. Then there’s the fact that they made Kingpin a big black guy. Sure, I understand you have to reach your minority quota, but there was a reason he was a big fat white tycoon. It’s called symbolism folks, and you’ve killed it. I will probably see this movie anyway, but I’m not looking forward to it yet.Bruce Almighty could go either way. The trailor was amusing, but it looked like it could have been one of those trailors where they show you the only funny parts of the movie, and the rest is just shit, and everyone behind the movie knows it. I haven’t seen anything good out of Jim Carrey in awhile, but it looks like it could be pretty decent. I’ll go see it.Anger Management looks excellent. Sandler has put out..well…a lot of shit lately. This role, however, looks like it was written specifically with him in mind, and Jack Nickolson fits the bill perfectly for the jackass teacher. This one I am very much looking forward to, but I hope Sandler’s current \”I must make as many shitty films as possible before people find out I’m not as great of an actor as they think I am\” trend doesn’t kill it.I can’t believe they’re making a Terminator 3. What the fuck.Matrix: Reloaded looks pretty good, although it looks like they’re relying a lot on cool fighting moves and technology that’s now been overdone instead of a great plot to bring people to see the movie. Then again, with the reputation they already have, I suppose that’s not necessary. I also noticed that they have the third one slated for release this year as well. That amuses me that they decided to do the rest of the movie as fast as possible before another cast member bit the big one. I was surprised at a lack of a commercial for X-Men 2, which comes out in May, especially since the X-Men movie got this whole comic book movie trend started. I stated the way I’d love for the movie line to go in the Movie Forum, but I have no doubts that it would never happen. Oh well, at least I can dream.
About the matrix …Hey, um, actually, they made two and three at the same time, I think. Also, if anybody wants to download the super bowl matrix trailer, just put http://progressive.stream.aol.com/wb/gl/wbonline/progressive/thematrix/us/med/superbowltrailer640_dl.movin your download manager. Take that, the intitution.
ok, I’m an idiot.Intitution = institution
Uhh…yeahI understand they filmed them at the same time. That’s what I was saying…guess I didn’t do a good enough job of explaining myself. *Shrug*
darkness fallsdid anyone else think that darkness falls sucked huge monkey balls?
Matrix InfoHere is a nice article done by Newsweek about the upcoming Matrix sequels:http://www.msnbc.com/news/850165.asp?0cb=-11n5737
IronicallyCarie Ann Moss’ link was to SOTD.
Comic Book MoviesI thought Superman started the comic book to movie trend…
Re: Comic Book Movies1966 Batman perhaps?
Matrix MoviesI believe they were filmed at the same time so as to finish them before the actors’ union(?) was supposed to go on strike. That way while the strike carried on they only needed to work on the post-production things that need not involve the actors.
Darkness Fallswas a big surprise. I saw a trailer and couple tv ads and it looked like a cheap peice of shit like \”they\” but i have to say i was truly surprised. might be partly because i was expecting it to lick balls also. But all in all I really really liked it. Same with the ring. Definenetly 2 of my fav horror movies as of late. I keep hearing about a jason vs freddy movie. infact i’ve been hearing about it for years…. anyone know if they are actually gonna make/release it?