When it absolutely, positively needs to travel 53 times the actual distance required.

by on February 11, 2009 @ 1:35 pm

On Sunday the DLP bulb on my TV went out and I ordered a new one online on Monday from a company roughly 78 miles from my house.  I paid $17.57 for FedEx standard overnight delivery expecting the package to be delivered yesterday around 4 or 5 PM.

It’s now Wednesday at 1:40 PM and I just got off the phone with FedEx for the 4th time. Instead of taking a cozy train, or van, or even carrier pigeon from San Diego north to my home, my package was first sent to Denver, then to Chicago, and is now supposedly on its way to my house to be delivered tomorrow “before 10:30 AM” a full two days after it was supposed to.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE? A package weighing less than one pound is not once, but twice misrouted for a grand total of around 4160 miles out of the way of the intended delivery path.


weak sauce

by on June 19, 2007 @ 3:59 pm

I am mutha fucking pissed. So I order a TV online. WRONG thing to fricken do. Take my time from work to receive it from the freight carriers, get the puppy halfway mounted and cable guys out to hook it up and what happens???? A fucking line right down the fucking middle of the screen. Alright the, contact Amazon and email them like they say. Said I want a refund and you can have this picked up. Civil, polite and short. Nooo get an email back asking me to contact the manufacturer to see if they can fix it or trouble shoot…
At first I was like- These people are great! Now they can lick my asshole after eating spicey greasy cheap pizza. So I call Sharp, they ask me to email a picture of the problem, done while I was on the phone with them. They say they’ll contact me within 48 hours to figure out the best approach after talking to the tech guys. No call back and I was busy for a week so no sweat off my sack. I call back asking what the deal was since no one called.
They tell me they have it in their notes that someone did try and call me for pics… I tell them I sent them in when I was on the phone with them a week ago. Oh hey, look at that… they DID have the pics. Well shit howdy! I get the we’ll contact a service technician in your area and have them contact you for a time to schedule coming out. Day goes by no call. Next day I call Sharp again, still being polite and impatient.

Hi There! Haven’t heard from you guys, was wondering why a service tech hasn’t called to set up the appt.
Oh let’s look in your file, yup yup, we didn’t get the pics…oh wait yeah we did. Let me transfer you. Hold please.

Well holy shit I’m getting a little miffed to say the least. A service tech will call you, I tried calling but they’re not open yet. Here’s the number for you to follow up with them if you don’t get a call. Fucking lovely customer service you cock gobblers.

On to the next day- no call so I call the techs. Who… guess what!?!? Haven’t gotten the work order!! Back to Sharp.. they haven’t gotten a work order, get it there. Hold please.

Im about to flip myh lid when the lady gets back on the phone and says she had the head tech guy look at the pictures and he says it’ll take blah blah part to fix it and they’re gonna overnite it so I can have it fixed right away.

Well kids, that was last Friday. It’s Tuesday and I had made an appt for then tech people to come out today from 4-6. Guess what call I got leaving work to get home in time? BINGO! Your part isn’t here, we’ll call tomorrow to find out where it is.

I called Sharp cuz it wasn’t the little asian lady with the thick accent I couldn’t really understand english’s fault. And wouldn’t ya know it, that particular department had left for the day already. Poor Nick got an aggravated Peach.

Here comes the obvious questions to Nick, Mr. Customer Service.

“Do your parts usually take this long?
Is your company’s customer service always this lacking? What would you do if you were me? Perhaps demand a refund from Amazon? So maybe I could get a TV that works properly? Would you think that paying over 2 grand on a TV you’d get some customer service help?”
“Im sorry Ma’am, I unfortunately can’t answer those questions but no we don’t usually back order these parts. Is there anything I can help you with?”

GEE! Maybe by getting my TV FIXED?!?!?! But I wasn’t gonna yell at this kid, the sarcastic ass questions were bad enough.

“Nope, I’ll just call Amazon and deal with them now. DICK” *click*
Dear Amazon-
Hello- I had a damaged good when it arrived and had asked for a refund. You had sent an email asking me to contact the manufacturer. They have been no help and Im fed up. Please either refund my money and pick this junk up or get Sharp to fix this before I break it beyond repair. You’d think I could get some real customer service for buying something over 2 grand.

Short story long, fuck Sharp.

this ain’t no Japanese box with a microphone

by on January 23, 2007 @ 2:51 pm

I am a desk jockey- for the most part. I sit at my desk and my comfort in the rat race of white collars are my speakers. They bring me my soothing tunes and angry tunes and happy tunes. Don’t know bout you ass clowns but I have to have music. HAVE to. Well what really chaps my hide is when the fuckfaced goon next to you decides it karaoke time. Busting out singing along and completely out of tune. MY music coming out of MY speakers at a fairly low volume does not need to be sung completely off key. Who the fuck do they think they are? No one here is shitfaced, ok, granted Im a little stoned but that is all the more reason why some jerk off shouldn’t sing to my music. Who’s it sung by bitch? Red Hot Chili Peppers not a douche ass clown.

People that piss on the seats…

by on December 8, 2006 @ 11:48 pm

…are flaming fucking faggots. I hope they all get explosive diarrhea out in public, only to find the seat covered in someone else’s piss and they can’t wipe it off in time to prevent their ass from asploding. Seriously, do they piss on the seat at home? Why do it when you’re out in public.

Consider this, though. If a man wants to piss on a public toilet seat, he wants his piss to go on some other man’s ass. Any man that wants his piss to go on some other man’s ass is a FLAMING FUCKING FAGGOT.

Fucking Mexicans

by on August 10, 2006 @ 9:37 am

The fucking Mexicans at McDonalds jam up the trash compactor shared by several stores every fucking day.How the fuck can they fit 25 of them into an Astro Van but they can’t figure out how to throw a couple of fucking fry boxes into a compactor without fucking the whole thing up?

Put your goddamn arms down and play the game

by on June 8, 2006 @ 10:02 am

  I’ve been playing organized sports for the better part of my life. As a little Moogle in Kindergarten I was signed up for a soccer team with my classmates and I’ve been playing the fifteen years since then. In high school I started playing hockey. I’ve played in and watched my share of games filled with non-professional players. This has lead me to make several observations.
  Many things have changed since kindergarten. Different arenas, players, equipment and of course the strategy involved in the game is completely different now. But don’t worry, there is always a bastion of stability on the field. No matter what sport is being played there will always be a pussy on the field who on the first time he makes even the slightest incidental contact with another player falls to the ground looking for a call. Every now and then you get a dive artist who puts a little emphasis on his dive with a resounding “WarrrGTTTTHHH!” when he “gets taken down”. The divers are bad enough. The noise makers even, worse but the absolute worst of the whole group are the players who take the dive and then turn around, look for a ref and hold their arms out like Jesus on the cross. Like the phantom foul is somehow akin to being crucified. When the ref looks at these clowns and shakes his head the diver picks himself off the ground and starts a belligerent verbal assault on the ref. The whole process may take only twenty seconds but hey, asshole? My team just controlled the ball and scored.
  So friends, let’s all quit being pussies while we’re playing rec sports. You don’t need to dive for fouls, the game doesn’t matter. And if you do care about them so much, quit leaving your team a man short while you attempt to wash the sand out of your vagina on the field. Thanks a bunch.
  Perhaps sports are just pissing me off because now that the Pistons got bounced by the heat and the Red Wings suffered another embarrassing early round loss I’m out of pro sports to be happy about. Short of waiting for annual penance, I mean the Lion’s season, to start I’m stuck rooting for the Tigers and frankly, I just don’t have that kind of faith yet. I’m still waiting for the while thing to fall apart.

Off the fucking hook today

by on April 12, 2006 @ 9:52 am

Wanna rip it apart! Ever in a fucking mood where you’ve just been working your hands to the bone, you’ve got the fresh reviving burst of energy from being single again and you want to rip the world apart, chew it up, spit it out all over yourself and rub it on you like jello? Luckily Im not a guy cuz I’d just be in the mood to buy a $5 hooker and fucker her til she was left bleeding all over the bed as I split her apart.And lucky for you I can’t upload my song that’s been running a rampage in my head for 2 fucking WEEKS, this song make me want to hop on a go go box!!!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

I dig it- by dirty sanchez

Fuck the Fucking Fucktards

by on March 5, 2006 @ 7:25 pm

Most of my rants are generally me bitching about fucktards. This is no exception. I’ve sort of been holding off on ranting like this, because frankly it gets old. However, I’m pretty pissed off right now.

D&D Online came out a week ago. Well, officially Tuesday or Wednesday, but the head start thing started a week ago Friday. I got two pre-order copies so that I could 2 box it and see about maybe making money at it. I also sort of wanted to play out of just nostalgia for D&D. I pre-ordered 2 accounts, costing me $12 online. I made a rogue and a cleric. Actually, technically my GF made the cleric and just got bored of it pretty quickly, but anyway. There is no /follow in the game. This becomes annoying and makes it more difficult to 2 box. I’m pretty spoiled with the way EQ is, and how easy it is to bot a full group there. Anyway, DDO has this thing where you can’t “grind” to get exp. All exp comes from completing quests. Most of the quests are pretty much go-into-the-instance-and-scorched-earth-the-place, but it’s still a bit annoying. Now here are some of the fun facts. If a quest is worth 500 exp, then it’s worth 500 exp if you do it solo, and it’s worth 500 exp to EACH person if there is a full group. That’s a pretty big incentive to group. Further incentive is that almost all of the missions are near-impossible to solo. They are rough even with a bot cleric. I made a rogue for the main box, btw. It turns out that since rogues can disarm traps and pick locks, they are almost more wanted for groups than clerics are. So I have the top 2 classes for what people want for groups. There is another feature that I DID actually like, in that if you are looking for more people, instead of you sending an invite to someone, they can also send you a reverse-invite where if you’re group leader you get a popup box “Lamertard wants to join your group.” with yes and no boxes to click. So I was just out 2 boxing an instance. I get about halfway done and I get 2 people wanting to join. Sure. I tell them both up front that I’m botting the cleric and that botting in DDO sucks so if they have a problem with it they can leave. I’m polite about it, though. So they join me in the instance and we get to the end.

This next part I’m partially at fault for, but it’s still almost entirely this fucknut’s fault. I accidentally click out of the instance, thinking that I was clicking the win condition item. I say this in group chat. I say I’m running the cleric back. This fucknut then clicks the win condition. I start yelling at him in /g asking him what the fuck? You ONLY get exp if you are inside the instance when the win condition is met. This guy has just fucked me out of a few hours’ worth of exp. I’m pretty pissed. When I told him cleric was running back, he replies that “Oh yeah, I know, that’s happened to me where I wasn’t inside and didn’t get exp.” Alright seriously. If you KNOW that it fucks someone to win without them inside, why do it to someone else if you know firsthand? I start screaming at him (as best I can) and just tell him that since he fucked me I no longer wish to group with him ever again, and I’ll make sure others know that he’s a fucking retarded fucknut who doesn’t know how to make sure his whole party is ready for exp. I kick him from the group. Then I take it as a huge sign about this game. I exit the game on both toons, uninstall the game on both computers I had it on, and am suddenly glad I dropped $12 instead of $100 on this piece of fucking shit.

So this brings me to today. I’m in arguably the top guild (serverwide) in EQ. Yes, I know, EQ is so three years ago, but it still makes me a bit of money and I still enjoy the progression and such. That and I got bored shitless with WOW and re-read previous paragraphs if you want to know about DDO. Other games have similar themes. Boring, or so full of fucktards that I can’t stomach playing. Or both. Like WOW. I hate that most games that come out now are so dumbed down that any retard can play. I mean it’s great for business, but it sucks if you are NOT one of the aforementioned retards. Oh, and by the way, if you have a problem with my referring to people as retards and think that it’s insensitive can just fucking blow me. Anyway, so tonight for whatever the fuck reason we’re in Devastation killing (ahem) TRASH trying to get this dagron to spawn. We don’t know for sure how to spawn it, so we’re just randomly scorched earthing the zone. So skins drop for the new L70 spell quest. They used to be one-per-person-per-raid, and then the new rule is FFA. So I swear this one person who probably hax, had been first on EVERY corpse I tried to get on 4 times in a row. I needed a first skin to START the damn quest, she’s been looting all day and loots every one she can without even an attempt at sharing. Finally I got one since they are lore and she had one that dropped again. This at least starts me the quest. I’ll stop stressing and just come back another time with my bot army and get the skins for myself. That and as soon as all 6 toons have the quest started, I can move into the higher level zone and farm there.

OK, so killing trash is getting boring so I park myself at the zone in to Stronghold and just wait for pulls or for the door to respawn to break it down again. This FA fag comes up and sees the corpses and starts opening them. He finds a skin for spells and asks in open chat if it’s rotting? As I’m typing to him that no it’s not, he loots it and gets off of the corpse. Fuck ninjas. Fuck them in their stupid assholes. Fuck FA. I got that skin later, but it’s the principle of the matter. If something is going to rot that people would want, we’ll call it in /shout or /ooc. Why in the fuck is this assclown even ON a corpse that belongs to another guild? Seriously. Have I just been so spoiled with my guild and my farm team that I didn’t notice how prevalent these fucktards have become? Did I miss when the short bussers all got issued computers with cable modems? Do they let the special ed kids play online games while they are at school? It sure as fuck seems like they do. I bet they have computers set up in the special ed classrooms to try to teach them computers and instead all they learn is how to piss people off in MMORPGs. Maybe the special ed teachers are spiteful at their lot in life so they release their students onto the rest of the world?

I’m sick of venting, and you’re probably sick of it, too. I’m going to probably play some Auto Assault beta when raids are done, since I don’t talk to anyone there, I’m not forced to group with anyone, and I can just drive around and blow shit up and run people over. The game has no content that I’m aware of, and the novelty at retail won’t last longer than a month (just like COH) but it’s gosh darn fun right now to just drive around and kill shit.

Marine Recruiter

by on February 4, 2005 @ 3:06 pm

So I’m doing work-study now that I’m moving past gaming sales and into a degree. It’s shit money, but since I can go there and do my homework, sit around and bullshit with people, and MAYBE do a few minutes’ worth of work an hour? It’s pretty easy money.

Anyway, one of the “regulars” that stops by our office is this Master Sergeant and he was talking about his brother who was on recruiting duty. They all know I’m ex-Navy so any time they get a story about the Navy they make sure I’m around to tell it. Anyway, he said his brother convinced this kid to join the Marines instead of the Navy solely on this kid’s name. His last name was Sample. The Marine recruiter asked him, “Do you really want to be known as ‘Seaman Sample’?” So yeah.

BAMF IRC Channel

by on December 22, 2004 @ 6:47 am

Raygun, after getting into several fights in the BAMF IRC room (Raygun picking fights?! At least this time he wasn’t spitting in some chick’s face in New Orleans.) has deleted the IRC information thread out of spite for….Actually, aside from lack of alcohol I don’t know what would cause an alcoholic to become spiteful.Anyways, here is the information:

For java clients, use this link: https://blah.ineedaguru.com:8080/
Or for those of you still with an IRC Client, blah.ineedaguru.com and use port 8001