At Least I’m A Fetish

I’ll be honest with you (however many of you are left) when I say that I’ve been a lazy bastard in more than just a BAMF-related capacity. The combination of school, work, and a hectic social life have left little time for my formerly-cherished gym regimen. I’ve never been a skinny guy, the best I usually shoot for is “muscular-with-a-beer-gut” which is exactly how the women (and beer) seem to like me. Now I’m just fat. And no more did this realization sink in than earlier today at Starbucks.

Now, I’m not actually a fan of Starbucks, or even coffee in general. It’s just that my new job is relatively close to one, and I have a few of their giftcards that need spending. So I’ve been going in at around 9AM every morning for a hot drink and a bagel. This morning I asked for an espresso, and the guy behind the counter completely misheard my name.

“Moban?” he repeated?

“Logan. LOW-GAN.” I corrected.

“Heh, yeah, I was thinking that Moban was a weird name.” he stated, as he scribbled my name on the cup. Then he looked up and stared me in the eyes and added “..but if anyone could pull it off…”

That’s when I noticed this guy’s effeminate stature, flawlessly-coiffed hairdo, and the way he was looking me up and down like a late dinner. I’ve been dragged to a couple of gay nightclubs by a few girls in my time, I know what this was. This slight fellow was hitting on me. Even as the next customer came up and ordered, he kept up the eye contact and continued asking other inconsequential questions, despite having my ipod earphones still in one ear.

Normally I’d find this sort of thing flattering, but I immediately realized that this queer fellow had no good reason to find me attractive. I’m dressed like a slob, badly in need of a haircut, and hadn’t even said anything, so there’s no way my winning personality had set this guy’s balls aflutter. No… the key to this mismatch lied in my expanded physique and my “I’m-in-school-and-don’t-care” beard. He was checking me out because I’m a fucking bear.

Back to the damned gym, I guess. (You may commence with the “Sharkey is a fag” comments now.)

Categorized as News

By Sharkey

I run bamf.


  1. Disneyland. I’ve been an annual passholder for a really long time, and gay people just love to vacation there. So much so, that there is an unofficial “Bears” day at Disneyland, which my friends and I have been forced to witness. Just a lot of fat sweaty bearded dudes lovin’ on each other in the line for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

  2. dude I can’t say this enough, I started coming here for your writing not for the forum, and the forum posters just kind of mirrored your laidback attitude and wit. It is SO refreshing to click the mainpage link again from the forum and regularly see new articles. PLEASE keep it up your writing is hilarious.

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