Mark Your Calendars

by on February 8, 2006 @ 4:44 pm

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The newest game in the Katamari Damacy series, Me & My Katamari, will be released for the PSP on March 21st. As a rabid Katamari Damacy fan I am eagerly anticipating this game, and it just might be the game that forces me to update my PSP firmware. This is just a heads-up, as I don’t want any of you to be confused when you see a lot of nerds out in public after March 21st staring at their PSPs with huge smiles on their faces. While they may be looking at porn, they are more likely to be rolling up small children into their katamari of death.

The greatest games you will play today, guaranteed!

by on February 25, 2005 @ 6:49 pm

Porn-Pong is an adult, cartoon version of the game ‘Breakout’. I think the tarzan-like main character is a great role model for today’s youth. Shit, he can pleasure women in one thrust!

Nanaca Crash! is similar to the yeti sports game where you club the penguin. Except instead of a yeti there is an asian girl in a schoolgirl uniform, and instead of a penguin there is a guy who gets the shit beaten out of him by asian schoolgirls.

Steel Ball Da-Da-Da is another interesting asian game. If you suck at this game you will see a man get his day fucked up by a giant cannonball. If you can actually figure out the controls you will catch the cannonball and throw it at buildings knocking them to the ground. ( I’ll save you some time and frustration though. Press and hold ‘Spacebar’ to catch the ball. Tap ‘B’ and ‘N’ as fast as possible afterwards to build up power to throw it at the building )

I have wasted more time than I’d care to mention playing these games, but I simply enjoy watching that cannonball smash that guy in the face over and over.

What, no love for DRIV3R?!

by on February 2, 2005 @ 4:56 pm

The Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences has posted the winners of their 8th Annual Interactive Achievement Awards. The results can be found here.

Some awards to note:

Game of the Year: Half-Life 2
Console Game of the Year: Halo 2
Console Action/Adventure Game of the Year: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Console Racing Game of the Year: Burnout 3
Outstanding Achievment in Game Design: Katamari Damacy
Sports Simulation Game of the Year: ESPN NFL 2K5
Massive Multiplayer/Persistent World Game Of The Year: World of Warcraft

In the end Half-Life 2 took home 9 awards, and I am very glad to see Katamari Damacy receiving 2 awards. Overall I think most of the winners deserve it, but there were still a number of amazing games that deserved it just as much, if not more. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are a few great games already in 2005 that deserve my attention…

The Preying Mantis Could Learn From These Flies

by on January 13, 2005 @ 12:51 am

[ Fake Love Tokens Fool Female Flies ]

Females among many insects and animals, including humans, enjoy receiving gifts during courtship, but a new study on flies reveals that males can woo their intendeds with worthless, fake love tokens, even if such cheating is otherwise undocumented for the species.

By the time the female fly realizes her lover is a cheapskate and beats him off with her wings, the male already has mated with her and leaves with his faux present to find another partner.

The fly has been watching us, and he has taken notes. Not only has he learned that women are easily swayed with gifts, but has taken it to the next level by providing fake gifts. I, for one, applaud these highly advanced insects and their creativity in getting the females to spread their six legs so willingly.

I can’t really blame Blue, I mean, Green is pretty hot.

by on January 4, 2005 @ 12:18 am

[ Blue Peanut M&M Sexually Assaults Woman ]

Cops are hunting a sex fiend dressed as a chocolate peanut.

The pervert – in a blue M&M sweet outfit – attacked a 24-year-old woman on her way home from a party.

But who’s to say this really happened? According to the article the woman “staggered home” and then claims she was assaulted by a man in a “blue fancy dress outfit.” Shit, for all we know she could’ve had drunken sex with one of those blue street-corner mailboxes.

Is it 2005 yet?

by on December 31, 2004 @ 4:03 pm

Right now I’m packing up my things, and tomorrow morning I’m driving back down to Savannah, GA. Since I’ve got a good 15 hour drive ahead of me, and I unfortunately won’t be able to get back online again until Sunday night, I wanted to wish you mofo’s a Happy New Year before I go.

So have fun tonight and drink to the new year! ( and hopefully to a more reliable server )

Look at me, I’m stealing from Slashdot…

by on December 28, 2004 @ 1:01 pm

We all love when little kids say the darndest things about getting married or what mommy is doing with the mailman after daddy leaves for work, but what about their thoughts on old videogames?

Garret: That’s not Tyson. Are you kidding me? Mike Tyson does not have a handlebar mustache, and he’s not white.

EGM: So those are the two things that make you think that’s not Tyson?

Garret: Yeah, plus he’s wearing pants.

Oh that Garret, what a character. He also thinks that Mike Tyson is bad publicity for the game ‘Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out’.

Dillon: And to think 20 years from now, people are going to think, “Oh, you’re playing [GameCube Zelda game] Wind Waker? That’s boring.”

EGM: What will you say when your kids say Wind Waker looks boring?

Parker: Get out of my house. You’re out of my will.

And I thought the older generation today had a certain distaste for kids who do not respect the old school games. Shit, Parker is already kicking his unborn children out of his will and his house, and he’s only 11.

Testing. Testing. Is this thing on?

by on @ 3:48 am

As Sharkey mentioned earlier, he’s taking a much needed vacation over in Europe for a couple weeks. While he’s gone I’ve been asked to help keep you mofo’s entertained as he’s busy drinking and picking up many hot European women. To buy myself some time, since I am not entirely sure what I am going to do to keep you kids happy, I will simply distract you with videogames.

Bontago is best described as a 3D real-time strategy game with physics-based gameplay. The goal of the game is to encompass all of the flags on the game field with your area of influence. To do so you must expand your area of influence by placing differently shaped blocks ( which appear at your cursor every few seconds ) in your control area. As your stack of blocks grows taller your area of influence expands. Different specialty blocks can also be obtained which contain powerups such as a rocket that can be thrown at an opponent’s blocks or an earthquake which will tilt the entire game world. Bontago can be played both single or multiplayer ( both over the internet and LAN ) and is a very unique and fun game.

Counter-Strike 2D is a great top-down 2D version of the very popular multiplayer game Counter-Strike. It is playable both online or offline ( with bots ) and contains a large selection of maps. There is even a built-in map editor, giving the game even more replay value.

Crimsonland is a top-down, action-packed survival shooter featuring old school gameplay. You must battle off swarms of enemies with a variety of different weapons and powerups at your disposal.

Gate 88 is a multiplayer space combat game with many elements taken from the real-time strategy genre. You control a small spaceship, which you use to both attack the enemy and build up your base. You can create several building types and perform research to unlock more buildings or upgrade stats. Even though the goal is similar to most RTS games, where you must protect your command center while trying to destroy all of your enemies, Gate 88 is not your typical RTS game.

N is a 2D platformer created in Flash that is similar to the game old game ‘Lode Runner’. You are a ninja that is trying to escape from a world full of very dangerous, homicidal robots. As you avoid all deadly enemies you must collect gold to give yourself enough time to reach the exit of the level. The game features ragdoll physics and over 300 levels. It also includes a built-in level editor allowing you to easily create more. Despite it’s rather simple graphics it is very fun and can be insanely challenging.

Stunt Hamsters is a very small game that was created during the Indie Game Jam 2 ( which is an event that is designed to encourage game designers to experiment by having them create as many innovative games over a 4 day period as possible ). This game has you firing hamsters out of a cannon in an effort to have a certain amount of them reach the goal. The game basically treats the hamsters like a fluid. Once you pack a lot of hamsters into an area you can set them on fire, creating a rather violent explosion. This explosion will then push and move different physics-based objects in the level, allowing for some very interesting gameplay.

Warning Forever is a unique game that adapts to how you play it. It is a vertical shooting game, but instead of fighting through hundreds of enemies to reach the final boss, the game consists of only you and a boss. Depending on how you destroyed the boss in the previous level, the boss in the next level will have upgraded defenses to protect itself from a similar attack. As you progress in the game the boss will become increasingly difficult and force you to change your playing style to defeat him.

Many of you have probably already heard of and played most of these games, but if you haven’t I highly suggest you try them out. And while you’re busy doing that I will try and find something worthwhile to post to keep everyone amused ( although it’s very difficult as I keep getting distracted by all great slices that have been posted recently ).