It Figures

This was cut, but the Ewok smacking himself in the face with his own bolo stays in.

George is such a giant-chinned asshole. This article pretty much confirms what we already knew, that he sold out any artistic integrity for a lucrative merchandising vehicle. I’ve heard a lot of people argue that Han dying would have been too sad because his character was too awesome, but those people have their heads up their fucking asses.

The problem with the original trilogy is that it is unfinished as a story, the set up for the characters to change as people is pushed aside for asinine twists and a mega-happy ending. How much better would the film have been if they’d rescued Han, only to have him sacrifice himself during a raid on an Imperial base? To have him ditch his scoundrel ways and take part in a greater good would have been a nice completion to his character arc. That in turn could have progressed both Luke and Leia’s roles, while giving a sense of believable danger to the movie. It’s not like Han was worth a damn anyway, he spent most of his screen time engaging in Stooge-like behavior and bantering with Goddamned Threepio.

Luke could have been handled differently too. He had changed from a whiny bitch to a slightly less-whiny bitch by the start of the third flick, why not take a note from that clip and continue Vader’s mental torture, constantly goading Luke to turn towards the dark side? With the guilt over Han’s death weighing on him, desperation as the rebellion is torn asunder, and a lack of guidance as his powers are growing, you could see Luke making the transition towards the “quick and easy path.”

But that’s just it, there’s no consequence to Jedi. Nobody really important dies in any meaningful way. Yoda dies of natural causes, and only serves to give us some exposition. Vader dies the hero’s death, in a last-minute character change, by the way. Unlike Luke, there wasn’t any foretelling of his shift to the light side and his betrayal of the Emporer. He seemed pretty willing to murder his own son in Empire, what changed in the time between him torturing his daughter and watching Luke whine as Palpy shocked him? Up until that point, I had assumed that killing Luke (if he denied the dark side) was part of the plan. But none of the good guys die, even Lando defies the stereotype and makes it out unscathed. It takes the tension of the previous flick and just throws it out the window.

I didn’t mean to ramble on about it for so long, I just hate what that movie represents. Lucas is partly responsible for a generation of people who are more accustomed to mediocrity in movies and other media. Solid story elements and well-developed characters were thrown out and replaced with marketability, and we swallowed it. And as the years passed they kept introducing more and more shit into our diet, so that now we’ll watch damn near anything. The people who defended Jedi are the same sons of bitches who enjoyed the last season (really anything past season 1, in retrospect) of Lost. But that’s an angry, drunkened rant for another day.

Categorized as News

By Sharkey

I run bamf.


  1. Yeah they messed the whole story line up..going back kind of sucked.

    Need to make new ones after Luke gets old like the one i read..and he gets his hand back.

    Then go on from there.

    What’s up Sharkman!

  2. Holy smokes, Sharkey’s posting again! I visited this site regularly for like 5 years back in the early 00’s but stopped coming when Sharkey stopped posting. I’ll have to get back here more. Anyway, good to hear from you Sharkman.

  3. I’d love to hear that angry, drunkened rant about Lost. I’m watching the last 3 seasons soon, would be interesting to hear your take on it.

  4. Wow… I guess the front page is really done this time huh? Is it sad that I’ve been checking it out still every few weeks hoping to see an update? I guess it’s time to move on. Been checking this site regularly since, God, ’99? Has it been around that long? Seems like it. Anyways, end of an era for me I guess. Never cared for the forums here so, I guess this is it. Sucks to be deleting this bookmark.

    All the best Sharky! Thanks for sticking with it for as long as you did bro.

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