“Ja mrzim mačke!!!”


A month ago we told how workmen painted yellow lines around a traffic cone in Huddersfield, West Yorks.

Sometimes, while I’m sitting here trying to work, I run across minor incidents like this that make me love and get wet in the crotch for humanity more and more. There sheer laziness of humans constantly astounds and amazes in the same fluid cosmic motion; much how a kick to the groin can be painful and enlightening at the same time. I’m pretty sure that cats are behind it somehow. The laziest animal in the world was a Megatherium.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a lazy animal. Except for cats. Which I hate. Because they’re cats. There must be some bit of cat in people who are lazy and can’t seem to get their asses up to do anything except run around the house really quick and then lay back on the cool tiled kitchen floor and nap for hours on end.

Then, when your actually taking a break from hating those useless bags of fur that do nothing but eat, shit, and bring diseases that are communicable by humans into the house, you try to pick one up just to say ‘OMG, Your so fuzzy-cute!’, and they scratch your damn eye out like the grim reaper slashing a barrel of grapes with futuristic neurotoxins that make your brain turn into jellified corn-syrup and causes your skin to flare up like you’ve been infected with some new strand of herpes.

Or something to that effect.

I know a lot of you probably own cute, cudely, furry and purry cats at your house or have a loved one who thinks the whole big wide world of her/his cat (more likely a her, than him), and that’s fine and dandy. You probably even think that when you’re cat comes and rubs up against you it’s a sign of love and affection that no one else in the world is going to receive except you because of your ultra-mega psychic cosmic love-bond that you have created over the years and is definitely not just a sign that the cat is bored or hungry or toying with the big dumb lazy human who never buys it enough toys to play with. Well, although you’d be horrible mistaken, I’m not on a rampage to convert cat-lovers into dog lovers or any such madness.

Hell, I love dogs, and dogs have their disgusting and unhealthy attributes as well. But at least your dog will feel sorry about getting you sick. I bet a Megatherium would at least get you a ‘get well soon’ card. If you guys n gals haven’t been reading this thread, then may the almighty have mercy on your soul.

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