Stupidity from around the globe (mostly former properties of Great Britain)

by on December 3, 2002 @ 2:48 pm

[ Baby’s Belly Holds Key to Starting Car ]
I’ll bet she sues the car company.

[ Bad Sex Prize Up for Grabs ]

[ Police Seize ‘Obscene’ Bin Laden T-shirt ]
They think it matters enough to say that “Police didn’t mention what the sex act was”.

[ Boy Found after 230-Mile Train Journey ]
And this is of course ANYONE’S fault but the mother’s.

Well this is certainly a unique way to try to get out of a drug charge. What’s pitiful is that one court already threw out the drug charge b/c of this. Fuckin idiots. The world is being overrun by idiots.

Also, I really hate it when someone (Microsoft) insults my intelligence.

Clinton did it, so why can’t we?

by on November 27, 2002 @ 1:17 pm

Yeah, I’m still alive. Yeah, I’m still working here. No, I have no clue why Sharkey hasn’t fired me yet. Who is the most impartial and accurate polling service out there today? Why it’s got to be Playboy of course! So then it comes as a complete surprise that a poll run by Playboy would find that people are having sex with interns! Oh my gosh! Next thing you’ll tell me that Jimmy Swaggart has been monogamous since he married his wife!

Oh, you know, this and that….

by on October 22, 2002 @ 1:34 pm

I’ve been sick the past few weeks. I had pneumonia a few years back so I get it worse and longer. Normally, I don’t care for cold meds. However, I was feeling completely annihilated and went out and bought some cold meds. I picked up a bottle of NyQuil and two packages of TheraFlu – one daytime and one nighttime. Up at the cashier, the guy said I had to pick two and put the third back. Er, why is that? State law. What state law, that’s pretty fucking retarded. The state law that says we can’t sell more than two of something that contains one of the ingredients for crystal meth. Hmmmmm. I still think it’s fucking retarded.

On another note, I live in a town with a dairy. Hollandia Dairy, to be exact. This is the same town I graduated high school from. Yes, I’ve been cow tipping. No, it’s not an urban myth. No, it’s not very amusing after the first time you do it. I digress. There is a BBQ place across the street from the dairy. T & H Barbecue. The place is great. We eat there about once a week, and we’re always pleased with the food. Check it out if you’re Sandy Eggo local. However, the comment that I made the other day is that you’ve gotta love a BBQ place across from a dairy. I mean, it’s like you tell the cows that they had better produce milk or they will be sent across the street….

Bash, AIM, Work

by on October 14, 2002 @ 4:46 pm

Alright, you’ve probably seen (I’m King Of Old Newstm after all) but if you haven’t it’s fucking funny as all hell. This is one of my favorites, maybe moreso because Sharkey is the star….

[Kazz] Do vampires have anuses? Cause that’s why I wouldn’t let this kid invade a vampire’s anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don’t have anuses.
[Zaratustra] a vampire’s anus is present, but non-working.
[Zaratustra] like a network card without the appropriate driver.
[Kazz] Wow. You’re the biggest dork on Earth.
[Sharkey] And you’re DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

….I wonder if Anus Shades are related to Ass Bandits?……

Another thing is that I’m in a new business venture that I’m keeping fairly quiet about, but at the same time I might stand to be making a ton of money soon. So I’m talking to Rosco and this is part of it

ORI0N37: seriously…. if it doesn’t get nerfed we’re gonna be pulling in 1k a week easy
SwankinRosco: /crosses fingers
ORI0N37: more as we buy more machines
ORI0N37: thanks
SwankinRosco: 1k each ?
ORI0N37: yes
ORI0N37: so in about 2 months i’m gonna drop 7k on a new alienware das uber machine with a 24″ flat screen plasma display monitor and have it like blow me while i’m playing or something
SwankinRosco: OMFG
SwankinRosco: i just spit bear all over
SwankinRosco: that was too funny
ORI0N37: heh
ORI0N37: alright you just made the rants page of bamf hehe
ORI0N37: gonna copy/paste that in a sec
SwankinRosco: SWEET
SwankinRosco: i’m a celebrity now!

Some people are easily amused. Granted, I’m usually one of them. /shrug.


by on September 26, 2002 @ 1:39 pm

I live in San Marcos now. It’s a suburb of Sandy Eggo. I have a friend on Texas, and she lives in San Marcos, too. She said that she lives in the evil San Marcos. Her zip code is _ _ 6 6 6. So, does that mean I live in the good San Marcos with a zip of _ _ 0 6 9? I think so.

I was in CompUSA yesterday (closest place to my house to buy a $10 EQ coaster – no further comment why) and saw a flyer for AOL and it read, 27 Million People Can’t Be Wrong! Alright, I’m not a very big history buff, but how many Germans were in Nazi Germany in World War II? Hell, maybe just Hitler’s army alone…. Can’t be wrong, eh?

I’m single again. It’s nice to be able to look at pie and not get yelled at. Not that the yelling stopped me, it was more of a nuisance than a deterrant.

Speaking of looking at pie, here are some nice ones imo.

Szeretlek (formerly of Cam Whores and formerly Animaculine) Although the fourth pic here is quite a nice one.

Jen Frickell doesn’t ever take her clothes off, but she doesn’t need to. She looks good 24/7.

Booty on Cam Whores. Current pics here – She is about the only reason I even look at CW any more (shrug).

Alright, maybe I went overboard on the links there, but the novelty of my “freedom” hasn’t worn off quite yet.

In case you were wondering about AA, I’m playing AA as [UoE]Orion these days. Also, if the site email doesn’t work, try this one. This is the addy that I’ve had stuff routed to for a while now.

Oh yeah, I watched Sour Grass last night at Cane’s. Show was amazing. Next month, the Dead Kennedy’s (!!!) are playing there on the 20th. I’m going to have to make it a point to go watch. I’m also going to have to make it a point to call the Alex’s in Finch and try to weasel my way into backstage passes for their upcoming shows with NFG.

Um, there was something else but I forgot it.

The Hurricane

by on September 25, 2002 @ 10:27 am

So we’ve got the hurricane coming. Isidore. I thought it was spelled “Isadore”. If memory serves me, that was Friz Freeling’s first name, and he spelled it with an A. Yes, Isidore is a male name, and it’s the name of the Tropical Storm / Hurricane that is threatening us down here on the gulf coast. Last time I checked, it was going to bowl right between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. What fun. No skule, no work, and I get to be holed up at home with no running water and likely no internet. You northerners can have your “snow days”. I’ll take my hurricane, thank you very much.

What the fuck are you doing at the ATM?

by on September 6, 2002 @ 9:25 am

This will be quick and painless.

I was in line to use an ATM to grab cash for a ticket to A Good Girl (a good flick), and this chick in front of me (I am not exaggerating) spent five fucking minutes at the ATM with her friend. What in the fuck could you do at an ATM for more than 5 minutes? (This is a movie theater ATM so no deposits or weird banking shit.)

As far as my experience goes, it is impossible to spend more than 45 seconds at an ATM, even if you can’t 10-key your PIN.

If I wasn’t so awed I might have kicked her in the beanbag.

Lets Have A Moment Of Silence…Then Buy A Ford!

by on September 5, 2002 @ 8:54 am

So like a million other fatheaded retards on this planet, I watched that American Idol finale last night. I haven’t watched a single minute since they got past the preliminary rounds, which is to say that when Simon finished tearing into hundreds of hopeful singers, I lost interest. But now it was the end, and they were obviously going to be awarding the contract to the chick who sounded like a less skanky Mariah Carey. Since the radio and television had both been pumping up this disturbing phenominon, and I also had the girlfriend rushing home to watch it, I sat down in front of the tube like a good little consumer. I’m glad they replayed some of the best smartass comments from the previous shows, because last night’s broadcast held about as much suspense and interest as a Jerry Lewis telathon. Even the runner up guy knew that he wouldn’t win. However, I did appreciate one moment. When they showed Justin his high school all gathered together to support him, I commented that he could easily bang any chick in that crowd without question. Immediately thereafter, one of the idiotic Brian guys stated the exact same thing. However, he did not add the tail end of my comment, “if he wasn’t a flaming homosexual.” Apparently to be the American Idol you can’t alienate the 14-year-old female crowd.

Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangeant. My main rant is that directly after winning, this Kelly chick has been selected to sing the national anthem at uh… some main event commemorating the World Trade Center attack. So basically we’re going to have this girl become the representation of everything that symbolizes America. Meanwhile, she’s hawking Fords and Coca-Cola to the masses and becoming a soulless husk of the music industry so that the masses will be tempted to buy her worthless single in a couple of weeks.

Actually, that does sound like a pretty accurate representation of the US. Capitalism at its finest, or lowest, whichever you prefer.

*salutes flag*