People that piss on the seats…

by on December 8, 2006 @ 11:48 pm

…are flaming fucking faggots. I hope they all get explosive diarrhea out in public, only to find the seat covered in someone else’s piss and they can’t wipe it off in time to prevent their ass from asploding. Seriously, do they piss on the seat at home? Why do it when you’re out in public.

Consider this, though. If a man wants to piss on a public toilet seat, he wants his piss to go on some other man’s ass. Any man that wants his piss to go on some other man’s ass is a FLAMING FUCKING FAGGOT.

Fuck the Fucking Fucktards

by on March 5, 2006 @ 7:25 pm

Most of my rants are generally me bitching about fucktards. This is no exception. I’ve sort of been holding off on ranting like this, because frankly it gets old. However, I’m pretty pissed off right now.

D&D Online came out a week ago. Well, officially Tuesday or Wednesday, but the head start thing started a week ago Friday. I got two pre-order copies so that I could 2 box it and see about maybe making money at it. I also sort of wanted to play out of just nostalgia for D&D. I pre-ordered 2 accounts, costing me $12 online. I made a rogue and a cleric. Actually, technically my GF made the cleric and just got bored of it pretty quickly, but anyway. There is no /follow in the game. This becomes annoying and makes it more difficult to 2 box. I’m pretty spoiled with the way EQ is, and how easy it is to bot a full group there. Anyway, DDO has this thing where you can’t “grind” to get exp. All exp comes from completing quests. Most of the quests are pretty much go-into-the-instance-and-scorched-earth-the-place, but it’s still a bit annoying. Now here are some of the fun facts. If a quest is worth 500 exp, then it’s worth 500 exp if you do it solo, and it’s worth 500 exp to EACH person if there is a full group. That’s a pretty big incentive to group. Further incentive is that almost all of the missions are near-impossible to solo. They are rough even with a bot cleric. I made a rogue for the main box, btw. It turns out that since rogues can disarm traps and pick locks, they are almost more wanted for groups than clerics are. So I have the top 2 classes for what people want for groups. There is another feature that I DID actually like, in that if you are looking for more people, instead of you sending an invite to someone, they can also send you a reverse-invite where if you’re group leader you get a popup box “Lamertard wants to join your group.” with yes and no boxes to click. So I was just out 2 boxing an instance. I get about halfway done and I get 2 people wanting to join. Sure. I tell them both up front that I’m botting the cleric and that botting in DDO sucks so if they have a problem with it they can leave. I’m polite about it, though. So they join me in the instance and we get to the end.

This next part I’m partially at fault for, but it’s still almost entirely this fucknut’s fault. I accidentally click out of the instance, thinking that I was clicking the win condition item. I say this in group chat. I say I’m running the cleric back. This fucknut then clicks the win condition. I start yelling at him in /g asking him what the fuck? You ONLY get exp if you are inside the instance when the win condition is met. This guy has just fucked me out of a few hours’ worth of exp. I’m pretty pissed. When I told him cleric was running back, he replies that “Oh yeah, I know, that’s happened to me where I wasn’t inside and didn’t get exp.” Alright seriously. If you KNOW that it fucks someone to win without them inside, why do it to someone else if you know firsthand? I start screaming at him (as best I can) and just tell him that since he fucked me I no longer wish to group with him ever again, and I’ll make sure others know that he’s a fucking retarded fucknut who doesn’t know how to make sure his whole party is ready for exp. I kick him from the group. Then I take it as a huge sign about this game. I exit the game on both toons, uninstall the game on both computers I had it on, and am suddenly glad I dropped $12 instead of $100 on this piece of fucking shit.

So this brings me to today. I’m in arguably the top guild (serverwide) in EQ. Yes, I know, EQ is so three years ago, but it still makes me a bit of money and I still enjoy the progression and such. That and I got bored shitless with WOW and re-read previous paragraphs if you want to know about DDO. Other games have similar themes. Boring, or so full of fucktards that I can’t stomach playing. Or both. Like WOW. I hate that most games that come out now are so dumbed down that any retard can play. I mean it’s great for business, but it sucks if you are NOT one of the aforementioned retards. Oh, and by the way, if you have a problem with my referring to people as retards and think that it’s insensitive can just fucking blow me. Anyway, so tonight for whatever the fuck reason we’re in Devastation killing (ahem) TRASH trying to get this dagron to spawn. We don’t know for sure how to spawn it, so we’re just randomly scorched earthing the zone. So skins drop for the new L70 spell quest. They used to be one-per-person-per-raid, and then the new rule is FFA. So I swear this one person who probably hax, had been first on EVERY corpse I tried to get on 4 times in a row. I needed a first skin to START the damn quest, she’s been looting all day and loots every one she can without even an attempt at sharing. Finally I got one since they are lore and she had one that dropped again. This at least starts me the quest. I’ll stop stressing and just come back another time with my bot army and get the skins for myself. That and as soon as all 6 toons have the quest started, I can move into the higher level zone and farm there.

OK, so killing trash is getting boring so I park myself at the zone in to Stronghold and just wait for pulls or for the door to respawn to break it down again. This FA fag comes up and sees the corpses and starts opening them. He finds a skin for spells and asks in open chat if it’s rotting? As I’m typing to him that no it’s not, he loots it and gets off of the corpse. Fuck ninjas. Fuck them in their stupid assholes. Fuck FA. I got that skin later, but it’s the principle of the matter. If something is going to rot that people would want, we’ll call it in /shout or /ooc. Why in the fuck is this assclown even ON a corpse that belongs to another guild? Seriously. Have I just been so spoiled with my guild and my farm team that I didn’t notice how prevalent these fucktards have become? Did I miss when the short bussers all got issued computers with cable modems? Do they let the special ed kids play online games while they are at school? It sure as fuck seems like they do. I bet they have computers set up in the special ed classrooms to try to teach them computers and instead all they learn is how to piss people off in MMORPGs. Maybe the special ed teachers are spiteful at their lot in life so they release their students onto the rest of the world?

I’m sick of venting, and you’re probably sick of it, too. I’m going to probably play some Auto Assault beta when raids are done, since I don’t talk to anyone there, I’m not forced to group with anyone, and I can just drive around and blow shit up and run people over. The game has no content that I’m aware of, and the novelty at retail won’t last longer than a month (just like COH) but it’s gosh darn fun right now to just drive around and kill shit.

Marine Recruiter

by on February 4, 2005 @ 3:06 pm

So I’m doing work-study now that I’m moving past gaming sales and into a degree. It’s shit money, but since I can go there and do my homework, sit around and bullshit with people, and MAYBE do a few minutes’ worth of work an hour? It’s pretty easy money.

Anyway, one of the “regulars” that stops by our office is this Master Sergeant and he was talking about his brother who was on recruiting duty. They all know I’m ex-Navy so any time they get a story about the Navy they make sure I’m around to tell it. Anyway, he said his brother convinced this kid to join the Marines instead of the Navy solely on this kid’s name. His last name was Sample. The Marine recruiter asked him, “Do you really want to be known as ‘Seaman Sample’?” So yeah.

World Of Warcraft

by on December 14, 2004 @ 8:29 pm

So everyone should have guessed by now that I’m playing World Of Warcraft. I’m not feeling like making links and shit because this IS a rant, so if you don’t know what WOW is by now, you’re living under a bigger rock than I generally live under. Before I continue, though, if any of you care, I’m playing as Orion on Icecrown on Horde side. This was originally a Mountain/PVE (normal) server, but I think that they sort of just put them all into one big list now.

Alright, so I have been noticing something since the game came out. It’s a war of Alliance vs. Horde. You knew this. It IS Warcraft, after all. However, I’ve noticed that it’s a RACE war that Blizzard has put into their game. So you’re an orc, and you decide to dance. You start doing the MC Hammer dance. You’re a troll and you talk, you sound like a Rastafarian. You decide to dance and you’re break dancing. Your skin is dark if you’re a troll or an orc. If you’re on the Alliance, well, let’s face it, you’re WHITE. Even if you’re one of the Little People, you’re still WHITE. Wait, but NE’s get to have like blue skin and shit like that, and undead are all pasty and like Goth peeps. Well, Da Klan gets NE’s because the NE chicks are eye candy. Fuck it, here’s an example:

You know you want some...

Alright, what about the goths being on the Homie side? Well fuck everyone knows that Goth vampire wannabes are the dregs of western civilization and crackas everywhere wish that they’d just drop off the face of the earth. Blizzard just granted da good ol’ boyz their wish for this.

So now, of course, you’re wondering why I’m on Horde side with all this evidence suggesting that Alliance would be the better side to play. Well, if you play as Horde YOU GET TO KILL GNOMES! That and “DIE CRACKA” and “KILL WHITEY” have a much nicer ring to it for some reason. I think both of those were among my battle cries in COH for the week or three I played that game. Anyway, I’m done, I have some levels to get since I’m slacking in WOW and my friends have mostly passed me.

Star Trek Dorks Commence Drooling

by on July 16, 2004 @ 12:30 am

So Tink took that last post to heart and sent me a voice mail from Hilary. I hung up on it. I told him that sending me a voice mail message from Hilary Duff means that he is no longer a heterosexual. He’s now watching David Hasselhoff videos to help him on his journey away from liking the opposite sex.

Alright, the Star Trek Droolfest is something that Jen sent to me and I felt funny enough to pass along to you. I’m trying to think of more things to link here, and I’m at a loss. I thought about that Ninj0r page because of the discussion about the Deadly Ninja Throwing Heart, but I think I’m sick of doing html now so this is it.

Star Tours

by on August 17, 2003 @ 12:29 pm

Alright, I went to Disneyland yesterday. I got sunburned on the back of my calves, which pretty much sucks, but all in all it was a great time. However, something didn’t sit well with me. Star Tours. That’s right, Star Tours. When you go through the line to get onto the ride, it says shit like, “Come see the loveable Ewoks on the forest moon of Endor.” So you get on the ride, and then you’re supposed to be going to Endor. Then, later in the ride, you fly up against the Death Star. Big deal, right? Alright, the Death Star is completed, and it blows up, which implies that it’s at the end of Episode IV. That, or it’s a third Death Star long after Episode VI, but I find that a defeated Empire would be able to crank out a third one after the Rebels win. Alright, we’re making the assumption here that it’s the end of Episode IV. Star Wars Galaxies is supposed to be set after Episode IV and before Episode V. I’m getting to my point now, I swear I am. When you go to Endor in SWG, the Ewoks are KOS to everyone. My comment in the Star Tours line was that those little bastards are so loveable and cute until they attack you and kick your ass back into last week. LOVEABLE MY ASS! Alright, so why am I supposed to take a “tour” to one of the most dangerous planets around? Alright, you get the point. I’m done.

Movie Review: Grind

by on @ 12:21 pm

Grind. I saw this Friday night with Purvue and we were 2 of 4 in the whole theater on opening night. We sat down and the trailer that has all the cell phone and baby noises and people talking comes on. The end of that one goes, “Please, don’t spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack.” It’s like a ritual when my friends and I go to the movies. Everyone turns and stares at me when this one comes on. I say, “What? Why are you all looking at me?” However, Purvue pointed something out. “It’s not spoiling the movie if you’re making it better.” Ooooh, good point. I figured that this movie was gonna suck so badly, and that fact coupled with the lack of theater-goers in the auditorium, meant that the gloves could come off and I could just say whatever the fuck I wanted to (and as loud as I wanted to).

That being said, I had some good lines to augment the movie, but really the movie was funny as fuck without my commentary. Seriously. Yes, I’m saying what most of you will consider to be the worst movie of the summer was good, but it was. I was pretty boggled by it, too. Bobcat Goldthwait has a cameo in it, and it’s almost like that eery feeling of foreshadowing when he comes on the screen you know something fucked up and funny is gonna happen. I won’t ruin it, but his great line had us laughint like hyenas well into the next scene or two. It wasn’t a one-joke movie, either. Granted, it was pretty brain-dead and stupid, but it was funny enough that I feel it was worth my time to watch. Of course, the part I’ve been building up to… there is a PIE reference in the film. I think that Ralph Sall is also an amazing Music Supervisor. Maybe it’s just that he had an idea for a skateboarding video and simply reversed it by turning it into a movie, but he’s great nonetheless.

The good: Comedy, some hot slices, and a Pie reference.

The Bad: It’s pretty mindless. Plot is thinner than Calista Flockhart on a diet.

The Ugly: Bobcat Goldthwaits ass hanging out of a skimpy pair of shorts. It was funny, but it still wasn’t the kind of ass I’d prefer hanging out of short shorts.

Hatred, among other things

by on August 11, 2003 @ 10:22 pm

I hate stupid people. That goes without saying. Driving is the worst. It’s like TIMMAY said, I’m not a Chick Magnet, I’m a Retard Magnet. Some asshat AIM’s me asking about my SWG credits. I really wish I’d saved the conversation. Seriously. He asks if I’ll send him half the credits, then he pays me, then I send him the rest. I ask him if he goes to buy a dozen donuts (Homer: mmmmm … Donuts….) does the baker let him eat six, then pay, then he gets the other six? He says that other sellers have let him do that. I tell them to buy from them, then, I’m not as dumb as he apparently is for thinking I’d fall for some shitty stupidass scam.

I get behind the wheel and I swear people make it their mission to bring out Road Rage in me. Cut in front of me doing 10 miles under the speed limit? I remember the days when I would drive a lot more aggressively and run people off of the freeway…. So I’m out with Jasek and some people that I sort of know. I’m moderately trying to impress one of the girls along with us. Jasek says, “Orion ran someone off the freeway once.” “No I didn’t.” “D00d, it was a blue pickup truck on highway 52.” “You were there? Fuck, I thought I was alone…. er… I never did that!” Oh well. So some n00b in SWG is completely boggled at how he could /tell one of my characters and I respond with the other. Wow, isn’t that confusing? Well, not really. How about you just go on your way and leave me alone before your stupidity pisses me off?

I think I should get hot on my book. I’ve got this great big signing tour lined up but the book isn’t even done yet. Of course, I take time out of gaming to rant like this, but I don’t take time out to actually write. I think that that’s a problem. Oh yeah, I hate cats, too. It’s like that saying. Most men will say they like cats. However, when women aren’t looking, real men kick cats. This reminds me of what it was during UO times… same first line, second one becomes, however, when women aren’t looking, real men shoot arrows into cats. Gosh I miss that game sometimes. Not enough to pay for it again, mind you, but, you know….

Star Wars Galaxies

by on June 25, 2003 @ 4:29 pm

So slacker and I are talking about Star Wars Galaxies. He was able to buy it today, but retail is tomorrow. Now he’s the proud owner of a game he can’t play. We’re discussing classes to play…

b0ng0 pants: creature handler seems cool too
ORI0N37: heh just because you like to fuck small animals right?
b0ng0 pants: like geese